Bitter As Coffee, Sweet As Sunshine
by C. Nichole
Summary: When Ben walks into her life, Rey is sure that someone like him would never be interested in a barista like her. When Rey's car gets a flat, Ben is there for the rescue. On the drive back to the U-District will Rey and Ben discover that share more than a love of caffeine between them?
1. Rainy Day Men

I think there used to be a time when I loved coffee. Probably, sometime before I worked in a coffee shop. Now, it is a necessity and the bane of my existence but, when you're a student who's scholarships and savings don't quite cover enough for you to buy actual _food,_ you have to make up the difference somewhere.

So I chose a coffee shop. I'd had a romanticized view of what working in a coffee shop would be like, which wasn't at all based in reality. I'd _thought_ that it would be a mostly stress-free way to earn some grocery cash.

What I got was a strange mix of stress, weirdos, and sticky coffee mess to deal with every day. I can't walk into a coffee shop now without feeling some anxiety. Even the _smell_ of freshly ground beans drives me nuts.

Which takes me to today. An absolute shit day, with some absolute shits for customers. I had one in front of me, Keith? Ken?

 _Fuck. I can't remember._

And that would most _certainly_ piss him off.

He is part of a group of regulars who pretty much feel as if they own the place. Show up right when we open at four fuckin' thirty in the morning and hang around bitching with all the other retired dudes who are somehow under the impression that _all the_ baristas are madly in love with them because we're paid to be _nice_ to them.

 _Fuck. My. Life._

And here I was, forgetting this guy's name _and_ forgetting how to input it into the computer so it would print on the sticker, so I could put the sticker on the cup (not on the logo! _Never_ on the logo), and send it down to the line of other cups, behind customers who are equally impatient to get their drink.

Fortunately, Finn is my supe today, which means he swoops right in when he realizes I'm floundering. I fiddle with the little sunshine pin I have on my apron. It's a nervous tell, but somehow it makes me feel better to press the jagged edges of my pin into the tips of my fingers, it kind of distracts me from feeling embarrassed or awkward.

"Peanut," he calls to me as he presses the right places on the touch screen in front of me. "And Keith! How's your morning going? Still working on that 57 Chev?"

Finn is a natural and _way_ too good for this place. I don't know how he manages to retain all these details about customers, let _alone_ sound enthusiastic when he talks to them about whatever inane bullshit happens to be consuming their lives at the moment, but he does. Things haven't always been easy for Finn, but he's so full of compassion and grace that I'm certain he's a literal angel and if he wasn't already in a committed relationship to my bestie, Rose, I'd be married to him.

 _Except Finn would be way too good for you, even hypothetically,_ that happy voice inside my head reminds me.

 _Of course,_ I know that Finn is too good for me in every way imaginable, but I'm fortunate enough to be able to consider him a friend and that's more than enough for me.

 _Keith_ grunts something about his car before shuffling over to stand near the espresso machines and chat with Jess, who's working the bar. She makes it all seem so effortless as well, pulling shots, steaming milk, chatting with people who barely treat you as if you're human and more like some sort of talking caffeine dispenser.

Finn gives me a pat on the shoulder and whispers that he has my back and I'm infinitely grateful for his support. Without him, I'd have quit months ago, even though I need the money, _badly._

"Only two more hours and you have a break coming up. So that's something to look forward to," he reminds me as he moves back to stand near the pastry case and help wherever he's needed next.

The line begins to blur and soon I fall back into a weird rhythm that seems to settle in near the end of my shift. It figures that by the time I am almost ready to leave, I get used to being at work.

I'm about to step off for my last 15 when _he_ walks in. _Everyone knows him._ He's hard to miss. Way too tall, dark featured, pale skin, and _quiet._ How Finn was able to get his name out of him is a fuckin' wonder.

 _Ben. Such a little name for so much man,_ I think.

I swear that his lips almost quirk into a smile when Finn calls his name and asks about his day. His reply isn't much, a simple, "Good, and yours?" But it's taken _months_ of work to get even that much out of him.

It's strange to me, why he bothers coming in instead of just ordering on the app. He wouldn't _have_ to talk to us if he just ordered on his phone. The first time I'd met him, it had been my second week at the shop and I'd messed up his order so badly that I was certain he'd yell at me—so many other people hadn't been very patient at all with me that day.

But he'd just slowly walked me through his order and, at the end of it, he'd even complimented my sunshine pin before moving on. My trainer had been flabbergasted, but I'd practically beamed. The rest of the day hadn't been so bad after that and, eventually, things got better for me.

 _And_ he kept coming, which was great because I sure appreciated seeing his handsome face. Sometimes, I'd indulge my fantasies and pretend that he was coming in to see _me_ specifically, but I knew it was kind of a stupid thought to have.

Still, I was happy to see him, even if he was just coming to get his daily dose of caffeine. There is something so alluring about him, almost as if a piece of his soul calls out to mine as he visits, which is so silly and probably has more to do with the fact that I regularly run on three hours of sleep and am half-mad most of the time.

"Hi, Ben," I say with a smile because I'm paid to remember people's names and coffee orders, even if I'm kind of terrible at it.

Apparently, my brain only chooses to work for _hot_ customers.

"Good morning," he replies while fiddling with his phone.

It's not much, but I'll take it. His hair is a little shorter than the last time I saw him. If I had more guts, I'd tell him I fancy the haircut, but I don't want to disturb the fragile peace between us.

 _And, besides, how many times have you thought about running your fingers through his hair? Yeah. Keep the mouth shut, Rey. You'll just embarrass yourself._

"The usual?" I ask while choosing to listen to my sensible inner monologue.

"The usual," he replies while flipping his phone around to pay.

A beep later and he's already shifting away from me.

"Have an awesome day!" I call cheerfully and that earns me a nod.

I try not to stare as he steps back. He's wearing a navy suit and I can tell by the exaggerated stitching and fantastic tailoring that it's bespoke. Ben's a tall man, but he's also really broad, so the tapered look of his pants and jacket highlight his attributes _amazingly._ I look around and notice that I'm not the only one who is stealing a peek.

With a shake of my head, I try to keep myself focused enough to get through the rest of the morning. Hot customers or not, I still have to finish the day here and the last thing I need is to mess up someone's coffee order because I am too busy staring at another customer.

I assume my seeing Ben is an anomaly because _everyone_ knows he usually hits the lunch rush and I'm usually long gone before that happens.

But I see him the next day.

And the next.

And pretty much every shift I work, I see him.

Tall.

Impeccable.

Quiet.

It settles into something of a routine, so much so that I actually start to engage him in conversation, which is mostly me just talking up at him, but it's fun and he seems to appreciate it. At least, if the little smile that he only ever gives _me_ is any indication.

I'm not interested in dating customers, and it's not as if I'm encouraging _that_ by being nice to him, but I might be willing to make an exception for someone like Ben.

It's strange, but he kind of reminds me of me, at least, how I used to be before I started working here. Growing up in the system, I learned to keep to myself and internalize everything. Without Finn's friendship, and Poe and Rose, I don't know where I'd be, but I'm grateful for all of them.

So, basically, I think I know how he feels.

Or maybe I'm projecting, I dunno. Probably both.

I find out that he's an investment banker which isn't surprising given the fact that half of our clientele is made up of bankers or other business professionals.

I find out that he hates drip coffee, at least, our house blend anyway. I'd offered him a sample—some cookie paired with coffee—and he'd turned his nose up at the coffee, but gladly taken the cookie.

"You like sweets, Ben?"

"Sometimes," he replies.

"Only when they're from a sweetheart like you," Finn jokes and Ben blushes to the tips of his adorable ears.

"Finn!" I growl, but I'm kind of charmed by Ben's response.

Our fingertips brush as I pass him the sample and it almost feels like an electric shock runs through us when we touch. I can't help but stare at his hands, they're so _big._

 _Don't think about it, don't think about it. Don't think about it!_

Now, I'm blushing because all I can think about is how much I like the size and shape of his hands. The size and shape of his _everything._

"Have a nice day, Rey," Ben calls softly as he steps away, cookie in hand and I nearly gasp.

He's never said my name before and do I _ever_ enjoy the way it sounds coming out of his mouth.

This is bad. Superbad. Super duper bad. He's just a customer and the last thing I need is someone thinking that I'm into them when I _know_ it's never going to be reciprocated.

I mean, look at me. Too tall. Too thin. Too scrappy. _Too much._ When he's so... brilliant. And alluring. Strong and silent? Who knew that was a type outside of the movies?

Finn ribs me, a big smile on his dark, handsome face. I hate him a little as he says, "That's the most _I've ever_ heard out of him, Peanut. I think he _likes_ you."

"There's no way. I just make sure he gets his daily dose of caffeine," I grumble.

"Mmmm, sure. He _never_ used to come in this early before. He was always here with the lunch rush. Now, he's bright-eyed and bushy, just like _you,_ " he says with a laugh because that is a fuckin' lie and he knows it.

I am _not_ a morning person. I mean, I pretend to be one out of necessity, but I would rather be up late and sleep late. Unfortunately, life has other plans. But Ben...

Now that Finn mentions it, he _does_ look as if he hates getting up early. Considering I'm off before eleven, that means I miss the early afternoon crush. So, if he came later in the day, he _wouldn't_ see me either.

But it was a silly fantasy. He'd never given me any sort of indication that he was interested. Though once I'd messed up his order somehow—typed it in wrong after a particularly bad night of no sleep, and he'd come back, sheepish and apologetic to say that his drink wasn't right.

"Quad Grande Americano with sugar-free Vanilla and a splash of heavy cream?" I'd asked. Because, of course, I knew his drink.

"Yeah, normally," he'd said before turning his cup to show me the sticker.

" _Ugh,_ " I'd groaned. "I am so sorry, I don't even know what planet I'm on anymore."

His eyes had widened at that and then, with an absolutely _adorable_ little head tilt, he'd given me a knowing smile.

"I can spot another night owl," he revealed.

"I can't handle these shifts, but I need the cash," I admitted. "Forgive me? I'll throw in one of those cookies that you like for the trouble."

"It's only a drink," he'd said as I switched his botched drink for a cookie.

I handwrote his drink and skipped it to the front of the line before heading back to my post.

"It'll be waiting for you on the end in a cinch."

"Thank you, Rey," he said before stepping back.

I was halfway through calling over the next customer when I thought I heard him call, "And Rey?"

I blinked over in his direction, surprised to hear his voice again—especially so clearly! "Is everything okay, Ben?"

"Try to get more sleep. Sleep deprivation is more harmful than most people realize."

I stared at him. He stared back at me. And we both seemed to realize at once that our conversation had veered from the typical into some sort of strange new territory where he knew me well enough or at least had been given coffee by me frequently enough, that he wanted to make sure I was okay?

"I... Urm. Okay, thanks... Ben. You too?"

His ears and cheeks were flushed when he nodded and turned away. And I tried to move on with my morning but, unfortunately, both Jess _and_ Finn had seen the whole exchange. They'd teased me about it for weeks, but nothing had come of it so I'd let it go.

I saw him. He saw me. We barely spoke. But I wondered more and more what it would be like to pursue someone like him. I didn't know much about him, aside from the fact that he worked at some sort of investment firm and looked as if he made as much money in a week as I did in a year, but he was kind.

At least, more kind than the rest of the people that came from the same office. Snoke Investments _,_ it was called.

Occasionally, we'd see Phasma, a tall, pale, blonde woman who was short and to the point with her orders, which I appreciated and could handle. _Hux, on the other hand,_ was a complete dick, and I had to bite my tongue on the _regular_ to keep from saying something that I'd regret to his nasty, pasty face. I'd never met the company's namesake, which was great because Finn assured me he was a real prick.

That Ben worked amongst these people was remarkable to me. I could barely manage the coffee shop and I had great support from some amazing friends.

 _Going it alone... In an oppressive environment... Sounds like shit._

Ben never talked about his work, didn't talk about much of everything, but he ordered from me almost every shift I worked—and left a nice tip at the end of each week, which only made my crush on him _worse._

But it wasn't just at work, he invaded my dreams too. Bespoke suits and all. Hair fashionably shaggy, lips flushed and full. In my dreams, he'd tell me all his secrets, whispering against my skin as that sensual voice rumbling through my body.

In my dreams, he fucked with purpose. Almost as if life hadn't been golden for him and he was trying to make up for it by worshiping my body. It was the most satisfied I'd _ever_ been with a lover, and he wasn't even real.

That should tell you all that you need to know about my non-existent sex life.

Sometimes, I'd see him around town, driving his _Audi,_ as I scraped by in my 97 Toyota Camry. It was fine. One day, I'd have a nice car and nice things and maybe someone would look at me with the same wonder I seemed to have for people with money.

I am going to be a programmer. Get my computer science degree and then help make games or programs or things that will bring people joy and make their lives easier. I want people to be happy and will do whatever I can to make that dream happen. Even if it means sacrificing my own happiness for a little while.

And if it means that I get to see Ben for a little while longer, well, I'll count that as a small indulgence in a life that hasn't always been kind.

* * *

At the end of a long, particularly taxing shift, where I'd had to clean up an obscene mess in the bathroom and had been yelled at not once, but _twice_ by customers who didn't seem to be able to understand that it was hard to hear them when they didn't speak clearly, I walk out to see that my shit day has just gotten shittier.

My tire is flat. Completely useless. Crouching down beside the driver's side, I can see a giant nail right in the tread.

 _Fuckin' fantastic._

And, as if on cue, the clouds open up and rain drips onto my head. Good thing I'd forgotten to pack an umbrella this morning. The rain starts to pour as I consider what to do next. It is a _long_ bus ride back to the U-District and I'll have to bum some change from Finn for bus fare.

 _Fuck. Fuck. Fuck._

I kick my deflated tire and resist the urge to cry as I shiver in the cold. I'm about halfway back to the shop when a voice calls out.

"Need a hand?"

 _Ben. Oh, terrific that he gets to see me like this, just brilliant._

Ben rolls up in his gorgeous luxury car, a car that is probably worth more than my entire life, looking like some sort of dark prince on the prowl. How embarrassing.

Ben. Ben from _Snoke Investments._ Ben with the beautiful hair and moles. Ben with the remarkable lips that often feature in my dreams. Ben with the giant hands that I definitely have fantasized about on more than one occasion. _That Ben._

"Oh. Well, Uh. The tire's flat and I don't have a spare...," I trail off because it sounds so stupid.

Who doesn't have a spare tire? Oh, right. Someone who is perpetually broke and just scraping by, specifically, someone like _me._

"Can I give you a ride somewhere?" he offers.

"I... I don't want to be any trouble for you," I say with a little shooing motion, even as the rain drips down my face. "Besides. I'm soaking wet."

Ben shakes his head. "That doesn't matter. I don't mind, if you're comfortable, that is..." It's his turn to trail off awkwardly.

I mean, I guess I don't know him so maybe I should be worried? But he's never done anything weird at the coffee shop before and, well, our location was known for having some _strange_ customers so I've seen weird before and he doesn't give off that vibe.

 _Yeah, Rey. That sounds like an excuse, even to me,_ my mind supplies.

Okay, so maybe I do want to get to know this man better, is that so bad? That maybe for once in my life, I can dream about having more? I sigh. I'm an idiot, but I'd be even more of an idiot to pass up a car ride from someone who I have a crush on.

"I, well. I mean, it's fine. I'm not uncomfortable, but I just don't want to be a bother to anyone," I sputter.

"You could never be a bother to me," he says and we both gape at each other.

He seems surprised that he's said what he said, and I sure the hell am too.

 _Oh, shit._

"Just... I'm gonna text Finn and then, if you don't mind, I'd love it if you could take me to the U-District. I live in a flat around there."

"Of course," he says as we both ignore what he's just said.

I shoot off a soggy text to Finn as Ben pulls his car around. He reaches across to open the door for me, which I find strangely sweet, even if his big body does it with ease. I settle inside the car and am very aware of how I'm soaking the leather of his seats.

My hands are cold and I fail more than once to get the seatbelt to click in. I must look like a complete moron, but I just can't seem to get the belt to work with my fingers as numb as they are.

"I can help, if you'd like," Ben offers and I give him a grateful smile.

"I'm normally not this inept," I try to say as I start to shiver.

Ben cranks the heat before reaching across my lap to grab the belt. One clicks later and I'm safely seated in the nicest car that I've ever been inside.

I definitely don't focus on how his hand lingers a little, brushing up against the curve of my hip as he clicks the belt into place. Or how his fingers trail along my shoulder as he makes sure that the belt is comfortably placed across my chest.

Yeah. Definitely, don't think about any of that.

I turn to look into his eyes. It's too direct and I'm the first one to look away, but instead of doing anything rational, like moving back in my seat and staring out the window, I just shift my gaze down to his lips.

Big mistake. Huge.

He knows I'm staring. _I_ know I'm staring. Ben's tongue darts and slides across that full, bottom lip as his eyes scan my face. I wonder what he tastes like. He _smells_ amazing. Like cinnamon and spice. Like a scent that I'd love to rub all over myself or wake up beside.

 _Don't be an idiot,_ I think as I finally manage to look away.

"Is it okay to leave your car here like this?" Ben asks as he shifts his Audi into gear and rolls towards the parking lot exit.

"My car? Oh, yeah. It'll be fine. No one will touch that rust bucket and I've got my winter tires stored at Finn's place, so I'll just grab one later and get him to give me a hand," I prattle on.

He doesn't need to know literally any of that, but I can't seem to stop my mouth from moving. Maybe if I fill up the space between us, it'll keep me from feeling so awkward and distract me from the fact that I'm soaking up his luxury car.

Ben nods his head, dark hair falling into his eyes as I try not to stare or wonder whether his hair is a soft as it looks, but he doesn't add anything, so I take that as a sign to keep my mouth shut.

And it works, for a little while, anyway. But as we pull onto I-5 and make our way towards the U-District, my mouth gets the better of me.

I trail my finger along the condensation on the window and just barely resist the urge to write my name against the glass.

"I'm fogging up the place. Been a while since I fogged up anyone's windshield," I try to joke before I realize just what the hell I've said.

 _Oh shit. Oh shit. Oh Shit. Why did you say that? What is wrong with you!?_

Ben coughs a little as I sputter, but before I can apologize he teases, "And how long is that, exactly?"

I glare over at him, still dripping and looking like a mess. "Teenaged activities, Ben. I'd like to think I've moved up in the world."

"No more making out in cars for you?"

"Urm. Never say never?" I say with a laugh as his lips curl at the edge.

He's fuckin' handsome, good Lord. And flirting with me? A wet, soggy mess?

I can't make heads or tails of this situation, but before I can awkwardly continue, he asks, "Where's the accent from?"

 _That_ is an easy question. "I'm from England, originally. Just outside of London."

"What brought you to the states?" he continues, eyes on the road, hands wrapped tightly around the wheel.

Lights blink and blur in the rain as we pass by downtown Seattle. I think about my answer. Just how much did I want to share with him? The last thing I want or need is his pity, but I decide on some version of my truth.

"I didn't have a great childhood. Foster kid. Bounced around a lot. I thought that maybe I could have a fresh start in the States. Managed to get a scholarship and some loans, and here I am."

Moving from London to the US, specifically Seattle, wasn't as strange as I'd thought it would be. In many ways, it was very similar to where I was from. Lots of rain. Green. Different kind of green, but it helped keep me from feeling too homesick.

"Chasing the American dream?" he asks.

"Something like that," I say, and before the car can settle back into silence, I urge, "Tell me about yourself."

I need to know more about this man. And Finn will be _dying_ for details, so I want to get all the info I can.

It takes a moment for him to answer, not that I blame him. The past is complicated for most people and choosing a place to start that isn't too tragic, or too braggy, is a challenge.

I wonder what kind of life this man has lived? Does he have a family that loves him? Or is he a nobody, like me?

 _Sometimes, people are self-imposed nobodies. Sometimes, the past is hard because of the people that remain in our memories._

I don't know where the thought comes from, but as Ben starts to talk about his life, I get the sense that, whatever intuition I've experienced, it's dead on.

"I was raised in New York, but decided to move out west to get away from my family and the obligations that went along with living there."

"I've only ever stopped over in New York. Did you enjoy it, living there, I mean?" I wonder.

The stories I've heard about New York make it sound like a magical wonderland, where people never sleep—a place where anyone can find themselves and make a new start. I've always wanted to visit.

"It was an experience. I lived in Manhattan and there's a social hierarchy there that I wasn't interested in belonging to. I think people should be able to grow beyond their family name and make something on their own."

I laugh a little. "Well, I don't even have my own family name, so I guess I have a leg up in that regard. Do you miss it?"

Ben catches my eye as he smiles. "Not even a little."

"Do you enjoy it here?" I wonder as he turns his head back to the road.

I take a moment to study his face and decide that I love his freckles and moles. And the uneven arch of his nose. And... I stop myself before I can get too caught up in my daydream.

"There's a lot of rain. But the girls are very pretty, so it makes up for it," he says and this time I _do_ make out a smile on his handsome face.

"I think that's directed towards me," I tease. "Glorious, soggy Seattle girls."

I didn't mean it, really, but he sort of turns his head towards me and assures me, "It was. You must know how lovely you are."

"I... What? What do you mean?" I mumble, stunned.

Was Finn right? Is Ben interested in me? There's no way, right?

Ben opens his mouth but seems to decide against whatever he was going to say next and settles on, "Oh. Nothing. Forget I said anything."

Now I'm embarrassed and feel like a fool. Of course, he didn't mean anything by it. I'm just a barista and he's, well, he's... _everything_ that I'm not.

The car falls into an uncomfortable silence and soon enough we're outside of my flat. I wish I knew how to make this better or to take back the awkwardness that's settled around us, but I can't so I mumble a goodbye, unbuckle my belt, and reach for the handle.

But Ben catches my hand before I can scoot out of the car.

"Wait," he says.

It's more of a demand than anything else and the word sends a shiver of awareness right through to my core.

"What do you need, Ben?" I ask, lip caught between my teeth as I shift to face him.

He's so intense. He's _always_ so intense. I don't know much about him except for this truth. The car feels too hot and my body is slick with sweat and rain. His presence is overwhelming as he moves closer.

"I don't want you to feel obligated. And I want you to understand that you are welcome to say no if you aren't interested, but I'd love to... get to know you better. Outside of from when we talk at the coffee shop."

All the air leaves my lungs in a little gasp as I try to make sense of his words. So I _hadn't_ been losing it. He _was_ interested in me. Maybe he's just not good at taking the first step? Goodness knows, neither am I.

"Oh, I well..." I can't find the words.

My tongue is tied and I feel like I'm floating outside of myself.

I guess I pause for a tick too long because he starts to shake his head as he assures me, "It was only a thought. I don't want you to feel that you need to. You owe me nothing for the ride and... I just thought, but it's fine."

I squeeze his hand and shush him. "It's not that. I... I'm not good at this sort of thing. I'd love to go to dinner."

The smile he gives me at that takes my breath away.

 _Oh, shit. He's way too hot._

My cheeks feel hot and my body is flushed with warmth even though I'm soaked through. Ben squeezes my hand back and I smile up at him before making a quick decision. Before I can think better of it, I lean towards him and press a kiss against his mouth.

I mean it to be a quick press of my lips against his. Nothing too overwhelming, just a sweet kiss to show my appreciation and anticipation of what's to come. What I get in return is so soul-shattering, so overwhelming, that I barely make it into my flat before I burst into flames.

At the first, tentative press of my lips, Ben leans in, one hand coming to gently pull against my hip while the other trails along the curve of my jaw before threading into my damp hair.

His fingers slide against my skin and I let out a pitiful whine at the contact. I press into him and dig my hands into the fabric of his dress shirt. His chest expands against my touch. He's _so_ hard underneath that fabric. I always knew that he was big and that those fancy suits were hiding what was probably a killer body, but this was beyond my scope of experience.

His lips gently pull at my own, plump and lush as he sucks once, _twice._ Ben kisses with the whole of his heart and body and all I can do is hang on for the ride.

 _God. I feel hot and cold and achy all over. It's just a kiss... Why does it feel like so much more?_

Ben tilts his head and deepens the kiss, tongue tangling with mine, as I all but fall into his lap. His hand urges me on and as I scrabble, he reaches down and moves the seat back. With his big body and mine, I barely fit between the wheel and him, but I manage only because I'm pressed up against _so tight_ against him.

"Ben," I gasp. "I didn't mean for this to happen."

"Neither did I, but I'm glad it did," he assures me.

I've _never_ felt like this kissing someone before. There is something different about this man. Of course, I'd noticed him at work, but here, outside of that space, was something else. It was more than just his looks or his presence, there was an essence within him that I found infinitely appealing. I want to get to know this man. More than I'd wanted to get to know _anyone._

As I settle into his lap, steering wheel digging into my side, I realize a few embarrassing truths all at once: I smell like coffee and I'm sticky with sweat. Also, my hair is pulled back into three messy buns, I look like hot trash and I'm soaking wet. Soaking wet and probably dripping through his clothing right now.

"I didn't think this through," I admit as I scrunch my nose at him.

Ben's lips quirk. "I'm glad for that too, but maybe you'd be more comfortable if we... continue sometime later?"

"Maybe when I'm not soaking wet and smelling like a coffee bean?" I offer.

"Yeah, something like that," he says with a little laugh and I immediately decide I want to hear that sound more often.

"Didn't think I'd be steaming up someone's windows like this quite so soon," I joke.

Ben leans forward and rasps his teeth along the column of my throat. My entire being shivers with anticipation. I'd _really_ not thought this though.

I know next to nothing about this man, aside from the fact that I find him wildly attractive and that my body and soul seem to ache for his presence.

As his lips pull against my skin, I manage to say, "Are you free tomorrow? We could go to _Molly Moon's_ and get some ice cream over in the U Village?"

"I would love that, Rey," he murmurs against my throat and I immediately decided that I'd _also_ like to hear him say my name like _that_ again.

 _Over and over and over. But maybe after you get to know him a little better?_

I reluctantly disentangle my body from his, but not before pressing my _own_ kiss against the curve of his throat.

 _Fuck. I shouldn't have done that._

The sweet smell of his cologne and skin radiate up from his big body and I just _know_ I'm going to be fantasizing about the touch, taste, _feel_ of him for the rest of my natural life. And the little growl he lets out as my lips press against his skin? The way his hands dig into my hips and hold me _tight?_

 _Perfection._

"See you tomorrow, Ben. 11? Okay? I need to get some things done in the morning first."

"I'll pick you up at 11. Should we exchange numbers?"

 _Oh, shit. Good idea._

I slid reluctantly out of his lap as I dig my phone out of my pocket. Unlocking it, I click on the contacts before handing it over to him. Ben does the same for me. I shoot off a quick text before I get out.

 _This is Rey from the coffee shop._

"See you tomorrow, Rey," he calls as I step out of his car.

"Bye, Ben," I reply before closing the car door and rushing into my building to get out of the heavy rain.

He waits to make sure that I get into the building safely, which I appreciate. Before I get into the elevator, I shoot off another text:

 _See you in the AM, Grande Americano with sugar-free vanilla and an inch of steamed heavy cream._

I'm in bed by the time he replies:

 _See you tomorrow, Sunshine._

I can't wipe the grin off of my face as I fish for my keys. Rose is going to know something is up and I can barely believe the story I have for her. Tomorrow is going to change my life, I can just feel it.

* * *

 **Any mistakes are my own and I love them. Come visit me on Tumblr pacificwanderer and bitch about working in coffee shops and retail lol. My inbox is always open if you need it. If you've enjoyed this fic, please feel free to share with a friend or leave a comment in the little box. Thank you for reading and kudos to everyone over at The Writing Den and House Crylo!**


	2. Honey and Lavender

"You did what with who and the how now?" Rose sputters, as I peel my soaked clothes off of my body.

A look that's somewhere between amused and concerned settles onto Rose's face as she follows me into my room. Her light-brown skin is a little flushed and I realize I'd slammed into our apartment during one of her exercise routines. With a tank top on and some short shorts, Rose looks about ready to kick ass, which is great because her fiery personality has saved my ass on more than one occasion.

I don't know where I'd be without Rose, probably still living downtown in that cramped, shared-flat with five other people. Fortunately, Rose saw me and pretty much adopted me into her family—between herself and Paige. I've never felt such a keen sense of belonging in my entire life.

As a consequence, we're a little closer to sisters than friends, which means she's more inclined to give me the third degree when it comes to questioning my life choices.

 _Or poor life decisions, though I imagine I've gotten a little less reactive now that I have Rose in my life... Maybe?_

Judging from her look, that's a solid, "No."

"My car got a flat, but it's okay because Ben gave me a ride home," I start again.

"Yeah, I got that. I didn't _quite_ get the part where you made out with him? Ben? Quiet Ben from the coffee shop, _that_ Ben? The one you've been crushing on since forever?"

I grin before searching for a towel in my messy room. I find one hanging on the back of my door and give it a sniff—not mildewy, _fantastic._

"Yeah, well, I didn't mean to make out with him," I explain while squeezing the water out of my hair.

"You didn't mean to launch yourself into his lap and stick your tongue down his throat?" Rose deadpans.

"Hey, he stuck _his_ tongue down my throat; I just, well, _reciprocated."_

Rose sighs. "Go shower. You stink like coffee and I don't want you getting sick. We can talk about _all_ of this later."

"Thanks, sweets!" I call before heading to our almost literally closet-sized bathroom.

Yeah, I haven't really thought this through at all. Aside from the fact that I'm a poor student and he's obviously some sort of successful banking professional, I know little to nothing about Ben other than he enjoys his Americanos fake-sweet, with a little fat.

Oh, and he's unbelievably attractive to me, kisses with his whole heart, and smells like a dream. Yeah, all great things to know about someone before you know any details about their life.

 _He's originally from New York, you know that!_ I think, as if this one detail solves everything.

I let out a huff as I strip my underthings off before moving to turn the shower on. The water isn't hot enough when I step under and I let out a little squeak as it heats slowly _._

I grab a bar of soap and scrub harder than is entirely necessary to keep myself at least a little grounded. It's not as if I'm going to fall madly in love with Ben and end up spending the rest of my life with him, right? My stomach flips at the thought.

 _Oh. Oh no. Don't do this, Rey. Don't jump in head first when you hardly know anything about him!_

"Okay, okay!" I say out loud, trying to steady myself and regain control of my emotions. "It's only a first date. Ice cream. It's not as if he's going to propose. Just get to know him and see how things go."

 _There. There! That's what I'll do,_ I think while mentally congratulating myself for tempering my expectations.

Though, as I slip under the uneven spray of the showerhead, my mind betrays me as I can't help but think about how much I enjoyed being in his arms or how he was definitely the best kisser I'd ever experienced. Yeah, total and utter betrayal.

 _Just have fun. Just have fun. Just have fun,_ I repeat the mantra in my mind.

Still, even now, there's something different about Ben. It almost feels as if I've been living in slow motion, waiting for him to turn up. Now that he finally has, it's a little overwhelming.

It almost feels as if my future hinges upon what happens between us next. It's a bloody good thing he can't read my thoughts, otherwise, he'd probably run for the hills. Still, whatever is going on between us, whether it's attraction or something more, I really think he feels it too. And there's a part of me that can't help but hope that maybe he's been waiting for _me_ too.

* * *

In the morning, Finn helps me with my car and I barely make it back in time for my date. I'd texted Ben to meet me right outside of the car park, so that's where I wait.

Rose styled my hair into soft waves (which I'm never able to replicate without her help) _and_ let me borrow her navy, oversized cashmere jumper, which sits low on my shoulders and hangs to above my knees.

Paired with some dark tights and ankle boots—also courtesy of Rose—and I feel pretty confident in my first date look, even if I am a little chilly without a jacket. That is, of course, until I see _Ben_ walk down the streets towards me.

With dark, fitted slacks, a burgundy button cable knit jumper, and a gorgeous, gray overcoat, he looks as if he stepped off the pages of fuckin' GQ and I _really_ wish I'd stepped up my fashion game.

He smiles a little as he notices me and I wave awkwardly. His hair looks stupidly perfect and about every woman in the vicinity notices how handsome he looks.

I'd be jealous if he didn't come right up and greet me with a sweet peck on the lips. Ben's lips linger as I do my best to control my raging hormones.

 _Is it considered a faux pas to climb your date like a tree? Asking for a friend. I am hopeless._

At least, Ben doesn't seem to mind because he places another quick kiss on my lips before pulling back.

"You get your car fixed okay?" he asks, and it takes me a minute to remember what the hell he's talking about.

"Right. Tires. Yes! Finn helped me put on two winter tires, so I should be good to go for a while."

"Finn? From the coffee shop?" Ben asks as his head cocks to the side.

His gorgeous hair falls into his eyes a little bit and I _barely_ resist the urge to reach out and brush it back.

"Yeah, he's dating my best friend and, well, _is_ one of my best friends."

Ben gives me a little smile and I wonder what he's thinking about—does he like Finn?

"He's very good at chatting. Very amicable. Even I learned to look forward to seeing him," Ben comments and I laugh a little.

"Yeah, you do realize that you're not the easiest person to get to know. It took longer to get your name than anyone else I've ever seen come in. What did you used to give? Some sort of pseudonym?"

"Kylo," Ben admits and has the decency to look sheepish about it.

I want to tell him it's okay, that I understand the need for barriers between your heart and other people, but what I say is, "HAH! I remember now! We all assumed you must actually be named Kyle, or maybe that your mother was some sort of yuppie with a penchant for unusual names. Either of those guesses true?"

Ben shakes his head. "Not quite. It's a combination of my mother and father's last names. For a while, I didn't want to be recognized by my family name, so I went by a fake one. Didn't work for long but, for a while, I was anonymous."

"Not interested in nepotism?"

"Not at all."

I scrunch my nose up at him. "I don't have any parents to speak of, so my name was given to me by the local authorities. I don't have to worry about anyone recognizing me, because I've always been a nobody."

I don't mean for it to sound as sad and pathetic as it does. As is often the case, my tongue and emotions get the better of me.

However, Ben doesn't miss a beat, and immediately assures me, "You might think you're nobody, but I know that's not true."

"What do you mean?"

"Sure, a family name can mean a lot to some, but often what comes with it is the burden of a legacy you can never live up to. And besides, you're _somebody_ to me."

I can feel my mouth slide open. I have no idea what to say to that. And Ben—oh, my Lord, he's too adorable—he blushes from the bottom of his neck all the way to the top of his head.

It's a _lot._ Seems as if Ben's mouth gets him in trouble too.

Eventually, I manage to reply with a shy, "Thanks, Ben. You're somebody to me too, but not because of your fancy name—whatever it might be."

"Organa-Solo," he admits with a little cringe as if I'm going to suddenly realize the significance of his name, but don't have any who his family is.

"Don't worry. I'm not going to go home and Google you. I promise. Your secret identity is safe with me!"

Ben lets out a little chuckle, and it's kind of nerdy and precious and fills me with warmth.

 _Shit. Shit. Shit. He is way too fuckin' much. He's going to become something of a bad habit if he keeps up with this._

Before things can get awkward, I suggest, "Why don't we get some ice cream?"

"That sounds great," he agrees.

"I know you said that you wanted to take me to dinner, but I appreciate you meeting me today. I kind of prefer the first date to be somewhere outside, preferably in the daytime."

"No dinners? Why is that?" Ben questions as he falls into step alongside me.

We make our way through the crowded promenade as I clarify, "No—No, this is proper, first-date material. Dinners are for third dates."

"And why is that?" Ben asks as we maneuver between clusters of people.

He holds his arm out for me as we move along, as if he's some kind of old-timey hero, and I wrap my arm around his a little awkwardly. I have no idea what I'm doing here and I think it shows because Ben gently arranges my arm around his so that it's not bent at an unnatural angle.

"Erm. Third dates are for dinner because..."

 _Because, if you fancy each other, dinner leads to desert, which leads to coffee in someone's flat, and then..._

Whatever my face is telegraphing works like a charm because Ben coughs a little and his cheeks flush. I can't see his ears, not with how his hair is styled today, but I know they're red and I _love it._

"Right. So, the second date is some sort of event—to test whether you are compatible with someone, and then dinner to ensure that you're not dating a complete monster."

"Monster?" Ben repeats and there's a little stutter in his step.

 _Weird..._ I think. Wonder what he has against monsters?

"Yeah, you know. Horrible to the wait staff, demanding, stiffs the server on the tip—that kind of thing?"

"Oh, right. Of course."

When we walk up to the ice cream parlor, the line is already out the door, which means we're going to have to wait. The smell of freshly baked waffle cones wafts from inside of the store and my stomach rumbles in anticipation.

"What else would I mean?" I wonder, curious as we walk to the back of the line.

"Nothing, I'm sure," he deflects because he was quite obviously thinking of something and my bet's on it begin personal.

I don't want to make him feel uncomfortable, so I let it slide. Without thinking, I slide my hand down along his forearm and thread my fingers through his. His skin is warm and a little rough to the touch. I wouldn't have expected Ben to be someone who uses their hands a lot, but I don't really know very much about him.

"Have you ever been here before?" I change the subject as we shuffle along.

Molly Moon's is always busy, but it's worth the wait, plus the staff is amazing.

"I don't get out much, aside from corporate events," he replies.

It's not long before we're inside the building, which I appreciate because it's nice outside, but kind of chilly. As we head into the queuing area, I try to peek over at the ice cream options, when suddenly Ben pulls me against his chest, holding me tight as a little kid squeezes by us.

"Hi," I squeak, suddenly very close to him.

To my eternal happiness, he doesn't make a move to separate us; instead, Ben slides his free hand along my back and holds my hip as I press my head against his chest. I wanted him to do that, but I sure wasn't about to make the first move—I already launched myself into his lap. I don't need him thinking I'm that desperate for affection.

 _Even if you absolutely are,_ my brain reminds me.

I wiggle my hand free from his and press into his shoulder while I assure him, "Well, this is the best ice cream on the planet. I recommend getting whatever you order in a waffle cone—they are made fresh— _and_ getting it coated with chocolate. You can thank me later."

"The cone has chocolate in it?" he confirms as I grin.

"It sure does. I also recommend lemon curd..."

"Lemon curd," he interrupts. "Seriously?"

"Deadly. It's beyond brilliant. I get it every time I'm here."

The line slogs onward and reluctantly step away from him as we both crane our necks to see the flavors. To my immense pleasure, Ben reaches out for me again, big hands on my hips as we move along.

"I'm beginning to think you have a sweet tooth, Rey," Ben teases.

His thumb is rubbing distracting circles against my hip, so when I reply, my voice has an embarrassingly squeaky pitch. "Ohh—yes. I do?"

 _Why did you say that like it's a question! Don't be a twit._

Ben tugs me close, my back against his front as he murmurs, "You do?"

"Ah... I do!"

"Seems as if you're all sweetness and sunshine, Rey."

"No! Not entirely. I mean, I can be tough if I need to be. But, if I care for you, I'm the best!" I joke because his proximity is making my body quake and my stomach flip.

"We'll see about that," he murmurs.

I turn to give him a little nudge against his chest with my nose as we shuffle along.

When we get to the counter, I order the honey lavender; Ben orders melted chocolate. I get some lemon curd, he gets organic sprinkles. After we're given our orders and pay, we head outside and find a bench to sit on.

The ice cream is to die for and I manage to eat my entire cone without getting any on Rose's jumper. Unfortunately, while we're eating, the conversation stalls a little. I've gotten better with chit-chat while working at the coffee shop, but with someone as attractive as Ben, it's hard to keep my wits about me.

Eventually, I go with, "So, this is a little awkward."

"First dates often are," he replies.

I give him a little side-eye and notice that his hands are curled into fists as if he's upset or feeling as uncomfortable as I am. I don't want him to feel that way, so I point at his hand and then make a come-hither motion with my own.

It takes him a second, but eventually, he deciphers my gesturing.

While threading my fingers through his own, I suggest, "Okay, I have an idea. Three questions—I'll ask you whatever comes to my head and then you do the same for me. Once you tell me all your secrets, there won't be much else that can be weird between us."

"I'm not sure I like this idea," he hedges, but I'm not going to take no for an answer.

"Come on, how else are we supposed to find out whether we have more in common than an unnatural fixation on coffee?"

"And here I thought you were drawn to me for my charming personality," Ben deadpans and I choke out a laugh.

"A joke? I have to say, Ben, you're blowing my perception of you. At the shop, I was pretty certain that you were only capable of monosyllabic replies or nothing at all."

"I'm useless before my first Americano."

" _First?_ Have you been cheating on me with the afternoon staff? Is that why you were in the parking lot yesterday?"

Ben has the decency to blush even though I'm kidding and completely understand. No way in hell I'd make it through the day without more than one caffeine fix.

"Well, not every day. Most of the time, I try to get my Americano with you in the morning, but some days are better than others..."

He trails off and I nod my head in sympathy.

"If it's only once in a while, I can forgive you," I say with a wink. "But, for now, you can make it up to me by answering my questions!"

I rub my hands together, gleefully and a concerned look crosses Ben's face.

"I promise it won't be anything too scandalous."

Ben sighs and that broad chest of his rises and falls under the weight of his jacket. The dreamy part of my brain wonders what it would like to rest my head on that big, broad body. Legs all tangled. Preferably naked, but I'm not picky. And I do my best to shut down the fantasy before I make a fool of myself.

"Ask your questions," he relents with a little wave of his hand.

"Don't act so put out," I grin as my eyebrow quirks. "You get to ask questions back. Okay, so, question the first! What's your favorite TV Show?"

Ben cocks his head to the side, eyebrows coming together as he considers his answer.

"I don't watch TV—" I start to squawk, but he shakes off my horror. "I don't watch TV often, I prefer movies. How about my favorite movie?"

"No fair! You're leading the question, but I'll concede if you tell me your favorite _terrible_ movie," I say while wiggling my eyebrows as he grins back at me.

 _What an absolute shit! He is way too precious. This could end very badly for me if I let things get too serious._

"I don't watch terrible movies," he argues, but I'm not buying it.

"Bullshit, Ben. Everyone has at least one movie that's objectively terrible, but they love it anyway. So, let's hear it. What's yours? I promise I'll only be a little judgy about it."

Ben lets out a soft groan and his head falls back, which shouldn't be as sexy as it is. But here I am, staring at his neck and wishing my lips were all the fuck over it.

"Okay, but you can't tell anyone."

I blow him a kiss and give him a wink as I promise, "Not a soul. I'll take it to my grave."

"Willow," he sort of mumbles and I groan.

"Okay, one: _Willow_ is amazing. And two: I never pegged you for a fantasy fan. Interesting," I reply while I mull this over in my mind.

"Are you even old enough to know what _Willow_ is?"

"Um, I grew up during the Blockbuster Video era, too. And there's no way you're that much older than I am. Incidentally, and this doesn't count as one of my questions because it's your fault, but how old are you?"

I guessed late twenties from his coffee order and his looks and I'm bang on as he confirms my guess: "Twenty-eight."

"See! You're only six years older than I am. Anyway, next question!" I move on, but Ben interrupts.

"Not so fast," he says while pulling my hand into his lap.

"What?"

"It's my turn to ask. What's your favorite terrible movie?"

I scrunch my nose at him. "I'm hopelessly addicted to RomComs, so I have an essay prepared..."

I'm only half kidding.

Ben laughs and gestures, big hand rolling in the air, urging me on.

"Hoookay. _Pretty Woman, Sleepless in Seattle, You've Got Mail, Clueless_... I could go on, but I won't," I trail off because I really could on forever.

Just because I am somewhat of an emotional recluse doesn't mean I don't dream for more—even if it's unrealistic.

"Those aren't too terrible," he offers and I laugh.

"Thanks for that. Okay, your turn for a question."

His fingers tease mine as he thinks. "Cats or dogs?"

"Easy, cats! But I love dogs too, so... wait. Both? You?"

"Cats, but dogs are fine when they're with their owners and on a leash," he explains.

"That's weirdly specific, but okay. My turn again! First kiss—go!"

He takes way longer to answer than I expected he would. Apparently, this memory means a lot to him and I kind of feel a little bad for asking it.

Eventually, he starts, the beginning of a smile curling the corner of his lip.

"There was a girl I knew. We went to the same prep school, though her family went through some hard times, so she eventually ended up leaving. The day she left, she kissed me. I never saw her again but, at the time, I hadn't realized what she meant to me—not until it was too late. Now, I try to be more aware and take opportunities when they arise."

I don't really know what to say to that. How to tell him that my first kiss was Errol O'Connor in elementary school after I wrestled him to the ground during break?

"Wow. Okay. Thanks for sharing with me, Ben. Do you still think about her?"

Ben laughs. "I was twelve, but it did change my perspective in life for the better, I think. What about you?" Ben urges as he nudges a little with his shoulder while his fingers gently stroke mine.

"Urm. It's not quite so life-changing."

"Tell me anyway," he urges.

With a sigh, I tell him, "I wrestled a boy I fancied to the ground after he said I couldn't and then he kissed me."

"That's pretty adorable," Ben chuckles.

"Yeah, that's just childhood me. Rough and tumble, or something like it."

"Sounds as if you and I would have gotten along. I was always getting into fights as a kid."

"Maybe, or maybe we would have fought with each other," I suggest.

Ben gives me a long look, those warm brown eyes locking with mine as he says, "I think it would have been worth it."

Suddenly, I lose every thought in my head. Ben clears his throat before he stands up, tugging me along with him.

"Want to go for a walk?" he asks and I nod, grateful I don't need to think up something meaningful to say when my stomach is full of butterflies.

We walk along the sidewalk, talking as the world passes us by. The day is nice enough—not quite sunny, not quite cloudy—so being outside isn't too much of an issue aside from a slight chill. I should have worn a jacket, but Rose's jumper was too nice to cover up.

As we walk, I notice that there's a cute stationery store that catches my eye, but I decide that I don't want to bother Ben with my hobbies on our first date. To my surprise, _he_ asks whether I'd be interested in going in.

"I'd love that! I draw in my free time," I reveal.

I look up at Ben and watch as his lips open and close a little, as if he's considering saying something, but decides against it. I shove him a little with my shoulder and he gets the point.

"I don't want to give the wrong impression, but I've been a fan of calligraphy since I was a teenager." He looks somewhat embarrassed to make this confession but I find it endearing as hell.

"Alright, and what kind of impression would that give?"

"That I'm not as cool as you thought," he jokes.

"Let's get this straight, Ben. I've never thought you were cool. Handsome, yes. You're way too shy to be a cool guy, and I _love_ that about you. Though, I guess this kind of does make me fancy you even more, which I guess makes you cool to me? I don't know. This is confusing. Whatever. Calligraphy is awesome and I don't think less of you for liking it?"

I am fucking babbling and, judging from the look on Ben's face, he's unsure what to make of my declaration. But instead of making me feel bad about it, he pulls me close and places a kiss on the top of my head.

"Thanks, Rey."

It's not much, certainly not a declaration, but his actions and words mean the world to me. I want Ben to feel comfortable with me. It seems as if this is something he needs in his life. I imagine, being as big as he is and with such defined features, the world hasn't always been kind to him.

Now, how to tell him that I'd love to trace the path of his moles and freckles with my lips and tongue? Yeah, maybe I'll save that particular declaration for a second date.

Ben and I enter the store and separate. He looks at the calligraphy supplies while I check out some charcoal pencils and gorgeous paper I have to resist touching.

Neither of us buys anything, but the shared moment feels significant for its simplicity. This is something which holds meaning for both of us and I love that I get to experience it with him.

Time passes quicker than I'd like and pretty soon I have to leave.

"I have some studying to do tonight and I have to get up for my shift in the morning," I explain as we make our way towards the car park.

"I understand. Can I drive you to your apartment?" Ben offers and I grin.

"Yeah, that would be awesome," I agree.

My place isn't far, but I'm not really ready to end my time with Ben yet. He leads me to his car and opens the door for me, which I appreciate. I can't think of the last time anyone opened a car door for me. This time, I manage to put the seatbelt on by myself, which is kind of disappointing because I enjoyed feeling the brush of his hands against my hips when he'd done it for me.

The ride over to my place is rather short and quiet, but I'm pleased to find he remembers where my apartment is. I'm about to say goodbye when Ben parks and moves to get out of the car with me.

"You don't have to come up…," I start to say, but Ben waves me off.

"I'd like to, but only if you don't mind? Just to walk you to your door," he assures me.

 _Looks as if he doesn't want this to end either..._ I think to myself. _Okay, one small indulgence for us both._

As we make it to the building entrance, I pull out my keys and wave the fob against the sensor. The door chimes as it lets us both in. Ben walks me up to my apartment. I'm half-embarrassed that he's going walk through my mid-twentieth century apartment building, half thrilled that he's so sweet.

"It's probably not as nice as you're used to," I comment while leading Ben towards the stairs.

"I like it," he says. "Reminds me of the place I had when I first came to the city."

"Really?" I ask.

"Yeah, I didn't have much when I first came here, but after I started with Snoke Investments, things started to change for me."

The way he says it makes me wonder if the change was both good and bad, but I don't want to prod at old wounds. I'll let him tell me more about his life when he wants to and, besides, it was such a lovely day and I'd hate to ruin it by making him relive old pain.

On the third floor, I head towards the apartment, but I pause before opening the door.

"I'd invite you in, but my room's a mess and I don't... invite men in on the first date?" It comes out like a question because there's a huge part of me that kind of wants to invite him in, except also a part of me that's kind of worried that I'm going to set myself up for disappointment if I don't take things slow.

"I understand," he says, a small smile tugging at the edges of his lips. "What about jumping into a man's lap? When do you normally reserve that for?"

I scrunch my nose up at him and poke his way too hard _—Seriously, is he made of adamantium?—_ chest.

"So, I'm slightly impulsive, okay? Can you blame me?"

Ben cocks his head to the side and looks down at me. "No, I guess I can't fault you there," his deep voice rumbles. "I find myself breaking every one of my rules when it comes to you, as well."

Just like that, I'm in over my head. Just like that, I'm regretting the decision not to throw myself at this wildly attractive man, right here in my hallway.

I take a deep breath and the flat of my palm joins my finger as I can't resist the urge to touch him through the fabric of his corded jumper— _sweater._

 _Sweater. It's called a sweater in America..._ I think absently. Doesn't much matter what it's called when all I want is to see it on my bedroom floor.

"What kind of rules do you have, Ben?" I wonder as my fingers curl against his chest.

"Rules against getting too close. Rules against sharing too much. So many rules," he murmurs.

"Sounds very sensible, if you follow them," I say, voice breathier than I mean it to be.

"I think I've broken almost all of them with you," he muses, head dipping as one of his hands comes up to trail along the curve of my cheek.

I lean into his touch and imagine how it would feel to have those big hands pressed up against every part of me.

"Who are you protecting yourself from?" I wonder out loud.

I've not had the easiest go of it, in life or in relationships, and I have similar rules in place to keep my heart from being trampled on and, mostly, to keep from being broken again.

"Everyone," he admits with heartbreaking honesty.

"I want to be someone you don't have to protect yourself against, Ben," I offer because I mean it.

The more time I spend with this man, the more I feel that we have a genuine connection, something that runs deeper than physical attraction, though that is strong as well.

"I think... I'd like that too, Rey."

I almost physically melt at his words. The emotions that course through me are so overwhelming I have a hard time containing them. I don't know whether I want to laugh, cry, scream, or drag him into my apartment and never let him out again.

We wait. Breathless moments passing between us as we share space and breath.

He doesn't kiss my lips.

I want him too. And maybe he knows that. Maybe that's why he doesn't.

Because oh, how I ache for him _._ And, _oh_ , how this will keep me thinking of him long after he's gone.

The men—boys really—that I've had before, they're blotted out behind the imposing figure of Ben Solo. He reminds me of some great ethereal being, one that's just this side of human. I half get the impression that there's an immortal creature lurking within his big body, and at any moment he'll snap, revealing his true self. Something magical. Wondrous. And entirely unreal.

And there's a wild part of me, heathen and glorious, that dances in my dreams, hoping to awaken this uncanny being. I shouldn't encourage this. He's from a different world than I am, one that's rich and beautiful, where ugliness and poverty are abstract concepts that can be quashed with phrases like, "If they only worked smarter and not harder," or "On some level, they _want_ to be poor."

I don't belong in such a world. He doesn't belong in mine. His car and his coworkers and his work _—_ the world he belongs to—remind me of that fact and yet, here he was, with me _._ Hands on my body. Lips brushing against my shoulder as I hold all the cards and keys to my home.

I want him and he wants me, but there's a certain kind of power in that wanting—a heightening of expectations. I want to draw it out even as I want to revel in what I'm sure is to be an absolutely soul-shattering time with Ben.

We both stop, both breathing hard, as we hesitate. He doesn't pull his lips from my skin, so when he finally breaks the silence, his words rumble through my entire being.

"Tell me what you want, Rey."

My eyes slip closed.

 _I want and want and want and want. More and more and more,_ my mind reels with the possibilities for today, tomorrow, and years to come.

"I want to make this last...," I say, almost without thinking.

And _gods,_ he presses the bridge of his nose along the curve of my throat, nuzzling up to behind my ear as he breathes, "Whatever you want."

I can feel the blood rushing through my veins and I take a breath to steady myself. When he pulls away, I feel the loss of his touch as sharply as a punch to my gut.

I almost tell him that I'm a fool, that I'll do anything to keep him near me, to get him inside me. But I can't. I won't. My heart isn't whole and the pieces that remain are vulnerable.

I have to protect myself, first and foremost, because I am well aware Ben could destroy me—mind, body and, soul. And part of me recognizes that I could very well do the same for him.

 _Will you break me, Ben Solo? Or have I been waiting for someone like you, all this time? Have you been waiting for me?_

Ben reaches out and threads his hand into my hair, holding me tight as he steps close and presses kisses onto the top of my head.

 _One... Two..._

He lingers, his body warm and hot, threatening to pull me into his orbit once again.

Ben clears his throat but doesn't pull away, just murmurs against my forehead, "I want this to last too. There is something... Even when I didn't know who you were, I couldn't get you to leave my mind."

My breath catches because I know how he feels. There's an all-encompassing, almost frightening quality to my attraction to him. As if there's more at play than simply biology. It feels timeless, and it frightens me because I hate to have expectations when I've been let down so frequently.

"When can I see you again?" I ask.

It sounds needy, but Ben presses another kiss into my hair as he asks, "Soon? Text me?"

"Coffee at the shop doesn't count," I pout because I know I'm going to be busy once the semester really gets going.

"I'll text you when I get home," he assures me as he pulls away slowly.

I take a deep breath, choke out a laugh and pat him on the shoulder. If I do much else, I'm going to jump him, and that's not quite what I want right now. At least, it's what I keep telling myself.

"Thank you for the lovely afternoon, Ben," I say, shifting my keys into my hand.

"Thank you, Rey."

Ben takes another step back as I turn towards my door. I turn the key in the lock and shift the door open a little before I turn my head and say, "See you soon?"

"It's a date," he agrees. "But not a dinner date."

 _He was listening to me!_ I think with glee.

"Event date. Then dinner. You're a great listener, Ben. Now go, before I find a way to make a fool of myself," I say with a little shooing motion.

I don't watch him walk away. It's too much of a temptation, so I duck inside before I can see him go. But I am most certainly not composed. After I close the door, I lean back on it and let out the biggest groan.

" _Fuck. Way too hot!"_ I grumble—way too loudly because a laugh reverberates through the door at my exclamation.

Of course _,_ he's still standing there. I mean, I almost made it through the day without making a huge ass of myself. The universe can't have that, can it?

"... Can you hear me?" I call through the door, but I know the answer to that.

A chuckle rumbles through the thin plywood as Ben answers, "I can hear you."

I sigh. Well, he's pretty much seen me at my worst, so seeing me naked isn't going to be much more embarrassing.

 _Don't think of Ben naked. Don't think of Ben naked—Not 'til later. Not 'til later._

And, really, it's kind of sweet that Ben had to pause for a tick before heading out too. I suppose I'm having as much of an impact on him as he is on me.

"Text me when you get home," I call out.

"Whatever you want, Rey," he replies.

After a few moments, I can hear him walk towards the stairs. I let out a shaky breath as I take a moment to think.

 _What do I want?_

I decided at the beginning of the semester that I shouldn't get too serious about boys, but Ben wasn't a _boy_ and how serious could it be? We're from different worlds, different _countries_ even. Couldn't this just be a bit of fun for both of us?

 _Yeah. Sure. Keep telling yourself that you aren't half in love with him already._

As long as I can keep a handle on the _other_ half of me that's still rational, I'll be okay, probably. Okay, so maybe not, but at least I'll have some sexy memories to cling to while I cry myself to sleep after this inevitably blows up in my face?

I groan, kick off my boots and settle in for the evening. Half an hour later, Ben texts me. I know, because I've changed his notification to the sound of a cat purring, which seems fitting to me. I tell myself I'm not going to text back right away, but that's a fuckin' lie. There's no way I can stop myself.

 ** _Ben:_ **_Home safe, Sunshine._

 _Sunshine... If anyone else called me that, they'd get a fist to the face, but Ben... He can call me pretty much anything he wants,_ I think to myself.

 ** _Me:_ **_Not still creepin on my doorstep?_

The little notification indicates he's typing back.

 ** _Ben:_ **_I can't help it if you have a proclivity for profanity._

I laugh a little because he's so formal. I almost feel that I should reply back in the same way, but then I decide to fuck it because it's better if he gets used to my texting now.

 ** _Me:_ **_I cant help it if ur handsome ¯\\_(_ _ツ_ _)_/¯_

It takes me longer than I care to admit to copy and paste the shrugging man from Google and into messenger.

 ** _Ben:_ **_Don't hear that very often._

 ** _Me:_ **_Really? Fishing for compliments? Maybe if u were more chatty, people would tell you so more often._

 ** _Ben:_ **_Touché._

 ** _Me:_ **_Im gonna have a shower and get to bed. Thx for the amazing day_

 ** _Ben:_ **_Any time. Cannot wait to do it again._

 ** _Me:_ **_Same._

 ** _Ben:_ **_Goodnight, Sunshine._

 ** _Me:_ **_Goodnight, Americano._

I think back on my day and get the most ridiculous grin on my face. I'm up early and I know tomorrow is another work day, but if it's a day that includes Ben, I'm sure it'll to be a good one.

* * *

 **Narrator: Rey thought she would have a good day at work the next day. She was wrong.**

HAH.

"There is something" is taken from the TFA novelization by the Kylo-Thirsty ADF. And the "Thanks for that," is from TFA the movie.

If you are ever in Washington (the state, DC is another game lol), GO TO MOLLY MOON'S. I think they even have a few Vegan options if that's your preference but, coming as someone who spent more than a few years of their teenaged life working in an ice cream store, THIS IS THE BEST PLACE I HAVE EVER GONE TO. I'm not being paid for this endorsement (GOD I WISH I WAS. I WILL TAKE ICE CREAM AS PAYMENT, MOLLY), but it was seriously the best ice cream I've ever had AND the best staff.

I'm having some formatting issues transferring from word processing software to here, sooooo forgive me. It's the computer's fault.

 **Come visit me on Tumblr pacificwanderer and bitch about working in coffee shops and retail lol. My inbox is always open if you need it. If you've enjoyed this fic, please feel free to share with a friend or leave a comment in the little box. Thank you for reading and kudos to everyone over at The Writing Den and House Crylo!**


	3. Coffee and Kisses

I hate myself so much sometimes for thinking that I could handle working here, because while I _can_ handle it, I really would rather not. Some days are okay, like when the regulars come and there aren't so many people. But today is not that day and the line of customers stretches outside the door and wraps around the building.

This day is right fucked. From the moment I get out of bed and stub my toe, to the moment I get to work, to this present fuckin' second. With one espresso machine broken, and one cash terminal that intermittently decides not to work, the staff are stressed and the customers are _pissed._

Some customers are understanding, mostly the younger ones who have obviously worked in retail or the food service industry. And some, the older ones, who don't understand what it is to dredge and suffer through existence while working in customer-facing retail, are _not at all_ understanding.

I manage, for the most part, but by the time the end of my shift rolls around, I am ready to leave.

So, of course, the universe has to sneak in _one more asshole_ to round out my day. And, of course, it has to be Hux. Normally, the pleasure of serving this prick goes to the afternoon staff, as I rarely see him, but when I do...

Literal sparks fly, and not in a good way. You know those people who do absolutely nothing but bitch about the service, but still come back, time and time again? Where you can't tell whether they like the coffee, or just enjoy making people feel like shit? That's Hux. I don't know how Ben manages to work with him, but I hope he has a system figured out.

 _Something that keeps Hux away from any and all clients,_ I think as I paste on a fake smile and hate myself for it.

"Hi there, how are you?" I try to be nice as Hux stomps passed the pastry case and faces me from across the counter. It doesn't work.

" _Grande, quad, extra hot, light foam latte,_ " he spits back, ignoring my question.

I keep the smile on as I try to type his order into the till, but it's not working. No matter what I do, the touchscreen just _will not_ enter his drink _._

"Just a second. I have to grab my supervisor for a moment," I try to explain. I am about to apologize for making him wait, even though I'm really not sorry, but he interrupts me.

"How hard can this be? I mean, all you have to do is press my order into that machine and put a sticker on a cup. A _monkey_ could do your job."

I take a deep breath and grab a grande cup off of the rolling rack and search around for a sharpie as I resist the urge to scream.

This isn't my first run-in with Hux. And, you know, he _could_ be hot, he really could be. He _could_ be one of those customers that we always fight over—like _Ben._ Dressed in an obviously expensive, perfectly tailored navy suit and a gorgeous peacoat, he looks like quality. With his bright red hair brushed back and styled away from his arresting face, he _should_ be hot. But the perpetual sneer combined with his absolutely piss-poor attitude are more than just a little off-putting. So, because I value personality first and looks second, he's just another attractive asshole who thinks they're better than the rest of the world by virtue of his looks and money.

And he hates me because once, and I mean _once,_ I fucked up his coffee order. It was my first week and work was more than just a little overwhelming and I'd typed in the wrong thing in, which meant he got the wrong order at the bar, thrown a fit over it, and _never_ forgotten it.

And me, the petty bitch that I am, I never forgot it either. And, instead of making sure that I _don't_ mess up his orders, I _do._ If you're going to throw a tantrum over something as innocuous as getting the wrong coffee, I'm not going out of my way to please you. Not that I have much of an opportunity, given that he normally comes when I'm not at the shop.

But today. Oh, today has been a shit day. I've been up since an ungodly hour in the morning. I'm tired. I'm in the middle of studying for midterms, and Hux is still an asshole. The utter lack of compassion, or even any indication that he understands that I'm a _person_ and not an object, is just another thing that's way too grating for me today.

His wristwatch glints in the light and I just _know_ it's on purpose. I get it; your watch is worth more than my life, but you're still ordering coffee _from me_. I might be paid to smile, but I sure the fuck am not going to be your little coffee bitch without some pushback.

I'm going to go nice and slow. I'm going to make this fucking hurt. One thing that people who have never worked in retail or food services don't seem to understand is that I can _always_ make this worse for them.

"What was your name again?" I say, pretending not to know, smile in place as he grates the word out.

You're going to take your shitty day out on me, asshole? I'm going to make you work for your coffee. Unfortunately for Hux—Spelled, H-U-X, in case it wasn't obvious—Finn isn't here to keep the peace as he's busy talking on the phone with facilities while trying to fix the espresso machine. And as long as I'm polite, this fuck isn't going to have a leg to stand on, as far as complaints go.

"Perfect! Oh, dear. What was that coffee order again? I've forgotten," I say with an apologetic expression on my face as his flushes with anger. I know exactly what his coffee order is— _Grande, quad, extra hot, light foam latte._

He glares down his nose at me before repeating his order.

"So that was extra hot? Extra foam?"

" _Light foam,_ " he grits and I grin.

"Right! Light foam, cappuccino."

There is no such thing as a _light_ foam cappuccino and _both_ of us know it.

" _Latte_ ," he corrects shortly.

I think he's catching on so I fix him with a smile and upsell. "Anything to eat today? We have amazing sugar cookies that will go brilliantly with your latte."

"When have I ever ordered anything other than the latte?" he sneers, looking down at my artfully decorated nametag before he _spits_ my name, "Rey."

"That's me! And I try not to make assumptions about what my customers want, just suggestions in case they're feeling peckish!"

"Right. Well, I guess they have to pay you to do something other than fuck coffee orders up."

"You're so right! Now, is there anything else I can get you today, Pox?"

" _Hux. H-U-X."_

"Hux. Anything else I can grab for you today?"

"Blessedly no," he says while rolling his eyes.

I hate him. He hates me. I am relatively certain that one day this stunt is going to bite me in the ass, but I just don't get paid enough to care. And that's why I have all the power.

Yeah, it would suck to lose this job and yeah, I do need the money, but there's a point where I just don't care and that happens to be the case with Hux right now. The touchscreen finally starts to work as I slowly punch his order in.

"$4.75, please!"

Hux hands me his gold card and I scan it.

"Did you want to use your points today?" I ask, as chipper as I can pretend to be.

"No, just pay with the card, for the love of all that is holy."

So I do because I'm tired of seeing his sullen face.

"Have an amazing day, Hooks!" I call, deliberately mispronouncing his name, which only makes him glare more.

I smile back, feigning ignorance as I move to stick his drink order on the bar. Now, his drink order is correct today, as the last thing I want is to deal with is his annoying ass _again, but!_ I make sure to slip it at the very end of the drink queue, so he'll be getting his order _dead_ last—beyond that, I don't care anymore as the line is unending and I have other people to help.

I don't see Ben at all during my workday, and I can't help but think that Hux has something to do with it. It bothers me as I drive home and it bothers me later as I get ready to head to school. Ben hadn't answered any of my texts that day, not that I expected him to. I know he's busy with work, I mean, I think he is. He _seems_ busy, anyway.

But what if I'd ruined everything by not inviting him into my flat? I mean, he seemed interested in continuing what we'd started in the hallway, but I just didn't want to get involved too quickly.

Ben is a bit older and probably has more experience than I do, but that doesn't mean that I have to go against what my gut is telling me. Not that my gut was telling me anything other than: "Go for it, girl. Oh my, God!" But, still.

I have to think at least _some_ of this through. Goodness knows, I haven't done much of that lately. Deciding not to wallow in self-doubt, I head to class and do my best not to fall asleep during the lecture. Later, I get some more studying done and then curl up in my bed and waste time on the internet. I'm definitely not waiting around in hopes that Ben will text me. Right? Right.

 _Ugh. I hope he had a good day. I missed seeing him in the morning,_ I think as I scroll through junk on my phone.

It gets late. I set the alarm on my phone and end up falling to sleep. I get a text at two-thirty in the morning from Ben. I was already awake, considering my alarm normally goes off at three, but it was still a little surprising to see the messenger notification.

 _ **Ben** : Hey, sorry for the late reply. Yesterday was... a day._

 _ **Me** : No prob. Srry for the bad day. same for me. hux came in. he was a dick._

I'm not sure whether he gets along with his coworkers, but I am about to find out. The last thing I want is a relationship where I have to hide things from my partner, so I'm not really interested in holding back my opinions. Fortunately, Ben seems to be of the same mind.

 ** _Ben_ **_: When is he anything other than a dick? I didn't get my Americano because of him._

 ** _Me_ **_: lord. how did u survive? I die without my coffee_

 ** _Ben_ **_: Thoughts of a certain barista and an upcoming date were more than sufficient to keep me going._

Sometimes, he talks like such an old man and I can't help but laugh. It's not like he's _that_ much older than I am, but there's definitely a difference between how I was raised to talk and how he was.

 ** _Me_ **_: sufficient? sounds sexy ;) Ttll me more._

 ** _Ben_ **_: Ha ha. Didn't I tell you how beautiful you looked on our date?_

 ** _Me_ **_: u know. I dont think you did. and I was too distracted to pout about it._

The little typing indicator goes for a while. Stops. Starts again. Then stops for a _while_ and then starts again. I assume he's trying to find the right words to say, which is so fuckin' adorable I can hardly stand it.

 ** _Me_ **_: dying here, Ben._

My eyes are assaulted by a literal wall of text, but as I start to read, his words make suffering through helping Hux _and_ not hearing from Ben all worthwhile.

 ** _Ben :_** _You'll have to forgive me. It's late and I haven't had enough sleep or any coffee, but I should have pursued this months ago. Honestly, I thought you wouldn't be interested in someone like me. The last thing I want is to make my favorite barista uncomfortable, but I suppose I should have known when you started giving me cookies for free. You are stunning. A beacon of light in my otherwise dreary life. I know it's soon and sudden, but I am so grateful that you gave me a chance._

I don't even really know what to think about all of that. I mean, why wouldn't I be interested in someone like him? He's quite literally tall, dark and handsome. And _nice_ when he orders, if a bit quiet. He has the whole strong-silent type down too, but the fact that he recognizes that servers are _paid_ to be nice and didn't just assume that I was madly in love with him, like almost every other man that I serve, is just the greatest thing.

I guess I take a little too long to reply because he sends another text.

 ** _Ben_ **_: I've made you uncomfortable. I'm sorry._

 ** _Me_ **_: No! not at all, I just. not used to such sweet declarations. normally I get a dick pic at this point and end up having to block some creepy asshole. a girl could get used to this._

 ** _Ben_ **_: Ha ha ha ha ha!_

He even types like an old man. Who the fuck types out: "Ha ha ha?"

 ** _Me_ **_: too candid? Lol_

 ** _Ben_ **_: No, I love it. Just not used to this either._

 ** _Me_ **_: 2 be fair, in an established relationship I think that sexy texting is fine. but there has to be trust. no dicks before trust and no tits either._

 ** _Ben_ **_: Understood. I look forward to building your trust then, Rey._

 ** _Me:_** _so you can send me dick pics?_

 ** _Ben_ **_: Not quite. *blushing emoji*_

 ** _Me_ **_: LOL U can text like a millennial. Ill get you on the emoji train soon enough._

 ** _Ben_ **_: We'll see._

 ** _Me_ **_: Well, need to shower and get ready. Get some sleep! Visit me for coffee._

 ** _Ben_ **_: That's a promise. Goodnight, Rey._

 ** _Me_ **_: good morning, Ben._

* * *

The day starts out okayish. I even manage to get some studying done during my break, but then the second half of my shift really gets going during the morning rush and shit starts to hit the fan again.

And _then_ Hux walks in. I can't even hide the annoyed look on my face, but I go back to making drinks. I'm about to switch out from the front and head into the back—Finn knows I can't stand him and is _beyond_ supportive—but I notice that Hux isn't alone. This time, Ben is with him.

But if I think that Ben's presence will keep Hux from being a complete ass, I'm mistaken. By the time Hux's drink gets to my hand, he's already annoyed and impatient.

" _Light_ foam," he enunciates over the edge of the bar and I give him a fake smile.

"Yeah, I can see that on the cup, thank you!"

 _What the fuck do I care if you like shitty foam?_ I think as wait for his shots to pull while _lightly_ steaming his milk. Never mind that the foam actually helps keep the drink in the cup so that it doesn't slosh over the brim, but who cares if a few baristas get burned? Certainly not Hux!

After pouring his milk, I lid his cup and slide it to the end of the bar. Just as I start to call his drink out, you know, as we're _paid to do,_ he cuts me off with a groan.

"I am _right_ here. You really are the world's worst worker, aren't you? I suppose there's a reason why _people like you_ end up working in places like _this,_ " he says with a smirk.

I sigh because I'm fucking tired and I don't have the energy to sass him today. My eyes are filling with tears, but I'll just go into the back when he leaves and cry where people can't see or hear me.

I notice that Finn is watching the whole interaction and starts to come over, but Ben steps beside Hux and gets to him first as I work on _Ben's_ drink.

"I'm going to tell you this once, and only once, Hux. If you ever speak to anyone in this coffee shop like that again, I'm going to tell Snoke that the _real_ reason the Michaelson's decided not to renew their contract."

I try not to stare as I keep working through my beverage making routine, but I can't help but notice how _red_ Hux's face has gotten.

"You wouldn't dare!" Hux snarls, but Ben only smiles.

"I would. Now, be polite, or get your coffee elsewhere; do you understand? These people aren't your underlings and you have no right to treat them like garbage."

"You can't tell me how to live my life, or where to get my coffee," Hux starts, but he notices me staring at them both. "Oh, I see what's going on here. You'll regret this, Ben; or maybe, _she_ will."

Hux clutches his latte to his chest and storms out of the cafe. I hope the lid pops off on his trip back and covers him in coffee—only after he's left. I don't want to be blamed for that either.

I'm kind of just going through the motions of making drinks, the muscle memory kicking in when my brain has checked out. It takes me a moment to realize that tears are rolling down my cheeks, fortunately, Finn comes over and bumps me off of the bar.

"Hey, Rey. Why don't you take your last fifteen? I can take over bar for you," Finn offers and I love him for it. I wouldn't have lasted a week here without his help or friendship.

I sniff loudly, tear off my apron and gesture towards the exit. Ben wraps his arm around my shoulders and steers me into a quiet nook away from people. The outside heaters are on and radiate their warm glow down on us as I stifle my tears.

It's been a shit few days and I'm overtired and super emotional, so when Ben tugs me around and envelops me in a huge hug, I start leaking all over his expensive suit.

"I'm sorry if I overstepped in there," he starts, but I shake my head against his chest to stop him.

"No, I appreciate it. There's not much I can do other than tell my manager and hope that his rudeness is enough to get him banned. I doubt it though. Someone would have to throw a chair through the front window before they managed to get themselves banned here."

Which was literally true, someone _did_ throw their chair through our front window and the cops were called. It was a whole thing, but that is pretty much the only way to get banned. Rudeness is an expected part of the job.

"Are you okay?" Ben murmurs while resting his cheek on the top of my head. His stubble gently scrapes into my hair and I absently wonder what it would feel like against my bare skin.

 _Not now. Not now!_ I never seem to be able to control my thoughts around Ben, not even when I'm tired and wanting to cry.

"Yeah, just tired. Though, I'm beginning to think that you have a preference for seeing me when I'm a complete mess," I joke half-heartedly because I really feel as if I'm going to cry more if I don't.

"You aren't a mess," he assures me. "Not even a little."

"I stink like coffee," I mumble, even as my face burrows into the muscles of his chest. I really wish I could just stay like this forever, trapped between his arms and his body, as the world just passes us by.

"I _love_ coffee," he reminds me while his hand gently threads into my hair.

I really don't know him well enough for him to be such a source of comfort for me, but I guess that's the scary part about learning to trust people.

I've read stories where people fall in love on first sight or trip into relationships without a second thought, but I've never been that person or been able to relate much, until Ben. I could trip and fall right into a life—into love—with him, if I'm not careful and, more and more, I don't want to be careful.

Looking up into his soft brown eyes, I smile. What passes between us is beyond words, it's an innate sort of connection that I've been searching for, and something that my heart has wanted for so long that I can't believe it might actually be staring me in the face.

I'd lost hope that there would be that kind of happiness for me. With wonderful friends that have become my family, I thought that I'd be okay without a relationship.

Until he walked into my life.

 _Ben. Ben. Ben._ My heart beats out the music of his name as he tilts his head.

"I'm going to kiss you, Rey. Is that alright?" he murmurs.

I just nod. I've been dreaming of sharing this moment again, but I didn't realize just how much it meant to me until he asked.

"Tell me," he demands. "Say it for me, Rey. _Please._ "

 _Oh, that word._ I wonder what else he could get me to do for him, with only that word?

"Please," I say, the word thick on my tongue. "Please kiss me, Ben."

A small smile curls his lips as he presses into me, hand tight in my hair and against my lower back as he holds me close.

His lips brush mine, barely fluttering against my skin before he gently sucks my bottom lip between his own. My eyes fall closed—fingers clutching at the fabric of his dress shirt as I try to steady myself, but there's no need.

I don't think he'd ever let me fall.

My head dips back as I inch higher, tiptoed in my trainers as I urge him on wordlessly. Ben deepens the kiss, tongue slipping between my lips to tangle sweetly with my own. I smirk a little as I return his kiss—he tastes like coffee and chocolate, like sweetness and sin and I'm already addicted to him.

It's over far too quickly for my liking, but I do need to get back get back to work. With one last, lingering kiss, I pull back.

"I have to go back in, but text me later?"

Ben blinks, his hand coming up to rub along his neck as he comes back to reality too.

"Yeah, absolutely. I hope the rest of your day goes better."

"Thanks, Ben. Though, if my shitty days always end with a kiss from you, it might not be so bad," I joke.

With a smile, Ben offers, "Maybe that'll be the case someday soon."

I cough a little. I'm sure what he means is that we'll just see more of each other, but what it _sounds_ like is that he's already planning ahead to when we'll live together.

 _Live together? When—Since when is it a 'when!?'_ I must look panicked because Ben's face flushes and the color reaches all the way to the tips of his ears.

"I... erm. I just meant... I mean, I wouldn't be averse to...," he sputters.

"Oh! Think nothing of it!" I say, _much_ too loudly.

I should tell him that I don't mind and that it's fine. That, one day, I might like living with him as well—and that I think it's sweet that he's already considering it, but what I say is, "But, you should know, I'm a terrible roommate! I leave my knickers all over the place."

Ben chokes out a laugh and I realize much too late what a weird thing that is to say. Why did I just tell him that I leave my underwear everywhere? In what possible scenario would that be a good thing to say to your crush who's just admitted to you, unintentionally as it was, that they might not mind living with you?

Fortunately, Ben is more composed than I am and assures me, "I have a maid, so it's really not a problem."

 _Of course, he has a maid._

"Oh, well. That settles it then! Uh. Text me later," I say, ducking my head with shame and all but running back into the shop.

I don't watch as Ben goes, but I'm sure he thinks I'm some sort of lunatic. Finn knows something is up, but wisely sticks me on customer support so that, at least for a moment, I don't have to focus on talking and can just brew coffee and clean.

My work day finishes and I move on to school, which is as boring and uneventful as always, but I do look forward to the evening when Ben can text me. I'm surprised that I've become the kind of person that waits around and gets excited about a _text,_ but I also have a sinking suspicion that I'm the _only_ person Ben bothers to text on a regular basis, so that makes me feel a little special, at least.

Rose is working late at the university, so I snuggle up on the couch, throw some music on and listen to the rain as it falls onto our tiny patio. I have pretty poor impulse control, so while I know most modern dating advice says that I should act disinterested, or some such nonsense, I am going to ignore that and do precisely what I want—which is to text Ben.

Which I do.

 ** _Me_ **_: So about that date..._

About thirty minutes later, I get a reply.

 ** _Ben_ **_: ... Did I come on too strong?_

I look down at my phone and blink. _Oh, shit! I should have finished that sentence!_ I think to myself as I type frantically back to Ben.

 ** _Me_ **_: what? no! i thought about where we should go_

 ** _Ben_ **_: Oh, that isn't at all what I was expecting. You sort of ran back inside the store, so I thought that perhaps I made you uncomfortable._

 ** _Me_ **_: NO! i am just easily flustered and ur very handsome and flustery._

 ** _Ben_ **_: Can't be any worse than how I am with you. I am known for being able to talk anyone into doing business with Snoke; but around you, I never seem to be able to get my tongue to work._

 ** _Me_ **_: i think you use your tongue just fine ;)_

 ** _Ben_ **_: Ha ha. I am glad to hear that. So, where do you want to go? Some sort of event?_

I grin as I type, thrilled that he remembered my date expectations.

 ** _Me_** : _i thought maybe we could go to the state fair? never been before! I always meant to go. never got around 2 it._

 ** _Ben_ **_: I would love to go with you. Next weekend? Saturday?_

I take a moment to flip to the photo of my schedule—I'm free!

 ** _Rey_ **_: works for me! cant wait. will I cu before then?_

I hope it doesn't sound too needy, but I also don't care so much. I _do_ want to see him before next week and I'm not really interested in playing coy with him.

 ** _Ben_ **_: Oh, I hope so. I have a big project at work that will be taking much of my attention, but text me? I'll make something work for you._

I smirk. I don't want to be a bother, but I'm also chuffed that he's willing to work his schedule around me.

 ** _Me_ **_: I will. lots. U will get sick of me._

 ** _Ben_ **_: Never._

My cheeks flush at his seriousness, but I also enjoy the warming sensation as happiness rushes through me.

 ** _Me_ **_: gotta get ready 4 bed. visit tomorrow?_

 ** _Ben_ **_: Count on it, *sunshine emoji*_

I try not to get too excited over the little sunshine emoji, but I can't help it. Sliding my feet out from under the blankets, I resist the urge to roll back onto the couch and hide in the warmth.

 _One step closer to a third date,_ I can't help but think.

But instead of feeling anxious, as I have so many times before, I actually feel anticipation. Ben is so different from the other boys I've dated, not that I have much experience. It normally takes me a long time to get interested in someone, the exception being Ben.

As I get ready for bed, I think of how it felt to have Ben's hands on my body and how wonderful his kisses were. I should pace myself, take it slow, not dive right in, but I just can't seem to hold myself back when it comes to Ben.

Everything about him is the exception to the rule.

* * *

So, I've never been to the Washington State Fair, though I have been to some State Fairs/Independence Day celebration type things before lol (and some rodeos—Anyone out there have to sit through SuperDogs more than once as a child? lol). SO, some of my favorite things to do at fairs are eating, walking, eating some more, riding spinny things, eating more, and making myself sick on candy lol. **Tell me some of your favorite fair things and I'll see what I can work into Ben and Rey's date**. Things are going to be heating up for these two in the next chapter (MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM rated, anything E will be posted elsewhere than here), so let's see how that goes for them.

HTML doesn't work on here? The *EMOJIs* are actual emojis on AO3 lol, so sorry about that. Anyways, thanks for reading and for your lovely comments. Have an awesome day!

 **Come visit me on Tumblr pacificwanderer and bitch about working in coffee shops and retail lol. My inbox is always open if you need it. If you've enjoyed this fic, please feel free to share with a friend or leave a comment in the little box. Thank you for reading and kudos to everyone over at The Writing Den and House Crylo!**


	4. When You Move I Move

Ben and I text back and forth for days, even on the days where I see him at the shop. He's not quite the same when I serve him; I mean, it's not a bad thing by any means, but it's just different. His smile is _warmer,_ and he takes his time when ordering with me—asks how my day is going and even chats me up a little when I'm working on the espresso bar.

 _Everyone. Notices._

Which is inconvenient considering that Rose is the only one that knows about what happened between Ben and I when he'd sort of saved me from my shitty car, and then the ice cream date afterward... and I'd sworn her to secrecy because I didn't want anyone else knowing yet.

Finn knows something's up though and I think 's almost gotten it out of his girlfriend, but so far, Rose has held steady. He, Poe, and Rose are sitting around playing Smash Bros while I pretend to be engrossed in my phone, but I've actually been texting Ben.

"What you getting up to, Peanut?" Finn calls without looking over from the screen.

They are _way_ too competitive about that damn game for me to get any enjoyment out of playing and, besides, I mostly accidentally kill myself by falling off the platform without doing any damage to anyone else.

"Oh, just reading up on some school stuff," I hedge.

"By typing messages with your thumbs?" Poe laughs and I glare.

Leave it to Poe to notice that I'm not being truthful.

"Okay, I'm just replying to a _school e-mail,_ is that okay with you, _Dads_?"

"Hmm, I still get the feeling that you're hiding something, Rey, but I'll let it slide 'til you're ready."

"My money's on a hot piece of ass," Poe guesses—way too close to the truth.

Rose and I both cough. I Blush. Ben is more than _just hot_ , Ben is like fire. A consuming kind of heat, with an attractive nature that frightens me a little, even as it pulls me in. But I am not about to tell _them_ that.

"Just go back to losing your game, Poe," I shoot back.

As much as they tease me, my friends are as close as family to me and I don't know what I would do without them. Doesn't mean that I share _everything_ with them though. Some things I like to keep a little closer to my chest and, for now, Ben is one of those things.

Except for Rose because I cannot keep a secret from her and, by extension, her sister Paige either. But Rose is good at keeping secrets.

 ** _Me:_** **cant wait for tmr!**

 ** _Ben:_** **Neither can I. I'll grab you around 10?**

 ** _Me:_** **sounds good. cant wait to get sick on pastry and ride too many rids and touch all the animals**

 ** _Ben:_** **I can't wait for some of that to happen.**

I grin and Finn notices. His brow wrinkles as he gives me a pointed look.

"Memes," I lie as he rolls his eyes.

 ** _Me:_** **ok friends are glaring. gonna go lose at some video games** **_Ben:_** **Have fun See you tomorrow.** **_Me:_** **cu! :D**

I stuff my phone away and walk over to where everyone's crowded in front of the TV. Squirming my way in, I lean up against Finn while I watch Poe kick his ass at Smash and think of how much I can't wait for tomorrow to come.

* * *

It takes a while for Ben and I to get to the fair from my place, but the ride over is nice and we chat while Ben drives us to Puyallup.

I find out that his mother is a senator in New York, which is kind of crazy, and that his father was some sort of war hero. He doesn't speak to either of them very often. There was some sort of dispute that ended up with Ben moving over to the west coast, and I don't want to push it because it seems like a sensitive topic—plus, I want him to enjoy the day and not have to worry about the past.

I tell Ben a bit about growing up in England, but I mostly skip the shitty parts because I don't want to relive that either. It's nice to have someone who understands what it feels like to need to move on from the past, even if mine sometimes has a tendency to resurface in my insecurities.

Faster than I realize, we're at the fairgrounds. We park and Ben insists on paying for both of our entry tickets and parking, which is sweet but unfair because he drove—which was necessary because my car is being a bit of an asshole and I didn't want us to get stuck at the fair.

"I'll get treats then!" I insist.

"You might think twice before offering to buy me food again," he says ominously as a girl scans our tickets and lets us through the gates.

"I doubt you can keep up with me," I assure him as we make our way inside.

"You are a foot shorter than I am. There's no way you can pack away as much food as I can," Ben assures me.

"We'll see about that—and you are _not_ a foot taller than I am."

"Close enough."

 _Okay, so it's a few inches off, but I'm not that short!_

I give him a look as we make our way through the crowds of people. He's dressed _way_ too nice for a fair, but then I've never seen Ben look anything less than impeccable. Dark jeans, a fitted gray sweater, and a black overcoat round out his outfit as he draws the eye of nearly everyone in the vicinity.

His height alone draws attention, but his bearing and fashion sense _hold_ attention. I feel a like I'm walking with a model or a movie star, or something. Still, I can't help but smile when he takes _my_ hand in his.

The air smells a little like fried butter and farm, which is a rather strange combination. Bits of straw, powdered sugar, and puddles from recent rain line the ground and I'm inordinately glad that I opted to wear some wellies because it's a bit of a mess to navigate through.

"I should have worn cowboy boots," Ben says while we separate to avoid a rather large puddle that's filled with some suspicious looking dirty water.

"You have cowboy boots?" I ask.

His lip quirks. "No, but I feel out of place in these," he says while pointing to his polished, leather loafers.

"Yeah, you are a little overdressed. Not that I'm complaining! You look amazing." I rush to assure him.

Ben runs his hand through his hair as he lets out a dorky little laugh. Which is such a great reminder that he is human and not some god sent to walk the earth and make us all look bad.

"Thanks, Rey." He looks like a _snack,_ even more tempting than all the smells that waft towards us as we approach the food trucks.

The weather started out pretty shitty, but fortunately, the clouds have lifted enough that we can see some sun—filtered sunshine is what they call it on the weather forecast—which is just a euphemism to make people who live on the Pacific Northwest feel better about how much rain they get.

But it's not terribly warm. I'm mostly bundled up in a puffy, black jacket and jeans that are stuck into my boots. But Ben pretty much puts my look entirely to shame.

Ben threads his fingers with mine as he takes my hand again and I marvel, not for the first time, at how _big_ his hands are.

 _And warm, and firm, and wonderful._ I cough to clear my head. Ben's proximity is doing strange things to my senses and I'm having a hard time keeping my head straight, which means it's time for some food and drinks to distract me from my awkwardness.

We start with funnel cakes that are flavored like beer because that sounds so quintessentially American that I just can't resist. It tastes about as good as you'd expect—which is to say, really sweet but also tasting faintly of beer.

"We should eat the Fisher scones next. I've been told they're amazing," Ben suggests, and he's right. They're fucking fabulous—warm with butter and raspberry jam. I have a hard time resisting the urge to go back and order more.

"We're going to get a sugar rush if we keep this up," I say while ordering cotton candy.

"Isn't that the point?" he asks with a smile.

"Getting sick on junk food and then going on carnival rides is what I expected, but my friend Rose suggested the pig pens and the petting zoo—are you okay with animals?"

"I love animals," Ben assures me, which makes me happy because I love animals too and I can't wait to see some piglets!

I give Ben's hand a tug as I lead him towards the kid's area. "There's a place called the 'Piglet Palace' and I am certain I will die if I don't get to see it."

"The piglet _what_?" Ben asks while I shovel the top of my cotton candy into my mouth.

"A piglet _palace._ I imagine it's a rather fancy pig pen. Apparently, there are baby pigs there!"

Ben lets out a soft chuckle. "Sounds great. Lead the way, Sunshine."

We walk into the barn and it's about as full of kids and families as you could expect, which is great because I'm just about as enthusiastic about the pigs as some kids, though I'm a little disappointed that the pigs aren't actually in a castle.

We manage to jockey for a place at the front of their pen and I let out a little squeal of delight as we watch eight baby pigs wiggle and wander around while squealing for their mom—who looks defeated while laying in the corner of the dusty pen.

I bend down and wiggle my fingers as an adorable, pink pig snuffles towards me. I manage to get a few pets in before the piglet gets distracted by his piglet family.

"It's hair is so scratchy!" I say while looking up at Ben. I have to crane my neck up high because he's so damn tall. I wiggle my fingers up at him. "Come visit me down here!"

To my surprise, Ben _does_ bend down and reaches through the fence to pet a piglet. His arms are longer than mine, which means he gets closer than I'm able to.

"Unfair!" I pout, but then another piglet ambles by and I'm able to get some good pets in.

After I we spend enough time with the piggies, we head to the fair farm and manage to pet some bunnies and llamas. The llamas are a little irritable and I have to smother a laugh when a grumpy kid gets llama spit right in the face.

"Maybe we should head for the chickens?" I suggest, "before we get spat at too."

Ben gives me an uneasy look. "I used to have to collect eggs during the summers. My uncle had a farm, and it was part of my chores there. Chickens and I don't really get along well. In my experience, they're not the nicest."

"Well, I don't think you'll be stealing their eggs here. How about I pet and you watch, is that okay?"

"That I can handle," Ben says as I take his hand and tug him over to the waiting chickens. I find a nice speckled hen who seems to be okay with my gentle pats—right up until she pecks my hand and walks away to pick at the ground for food.

"I warned you," Ben gloats as I cradle my hand dramatically. It doesn't hurt _that_ bad, it mostly surprised me.

"Yeah, well, it was worth it," I assure him as we head over to the hand washing station to clean ourselves off. "Where to next? Funnel cake flavored beer?"

"That sounds terrible. Let's do it," Ben replies with a grin.

"I admire your brave and adventurous American spirit!" I joke as we head towards the brew park, which is fuller I expect it to be considering that the fair is a family event. Then again, it is the west coast and people love to drink their craft beer here.

After the fair worker spends an inordinate amount of time staring at my ID (because apparently, I don't look old enough to drink alcohol), we get inside the beer garden and get our drinks.

I take a sip of the funnel cake beer and I kind of want to die. "This tastes about as good as I thought it would."

"Which is to say terrible?" Ben asks as his eyebrow quirks.

"Yup. Chugging contest?"

Ben sighs. "That's going to be about the only way I can get this down."

I know I'm going to regret this, but I count us down anyway. "Three-two-one, and then we drink. Loser has to buy the winner another drink!"

"You're on," Ben says, though I'm quite certain that he's got way more practice at this kind of thing than I do and that I'm about to be buying us both a round.

"Three... two... one... DRINK!" I cry before awkwardly cramming the plastic cup into my mouth.

The beer is sickeningly sweet and bubbly as hell, so it does _not_ go down easy and, just as I expected, Ben beats the hell out of me. I finish my beer and, before I can smother it, I let out the _loudest_ burp. Loud enough that a few people turn their heads to stare at the woman with the social graces of an animal—which is me.

"Okay, I am _so_ sorry. I did not think it would be _that_ loud."

I can feel my face turning red, but before I can feel too embarrassed, Ben gives me a wink before letting out his own, ridiculously loud burp. By the time he's finished, we're _both_ getting dirty stares. And then I get the giggles, and Ben starts to laugh, and I lean forward as my head falls against his chest. I just cannot contain my amusement.

"Fair's fair," he assures me as he chuckles.

"You are ridiculous. You just _had_ to one-up me," I accuse as tears form in my eyes. I haven't laughed this much in _ages._

"Nah, I just didn't want you to get the stink eye alone."

"Yeah, there goes that 'British people are posh' stereotype. Right out the barn door!" I say before scrunching my nose up at him. "Guess this means I owe you a beer?"

"Let's try the cider instead," he offers and I am _glad_ to buy that. I much prefer cider to beer, anyway.

I start to feel a little tipsy after our ciders as I'm about the world's biggest lightweight, so I suggest getting more food.

"Here I thought you'd have a hard time keeping up with me. You're going to get sick if you keep eating this much garbage," Ben assures me as I wave off his concern.

"What can I say? I love food," I say with a shrug. "Deep-fried butter sounds about as appealing as a heart attack, what about some elephant ears?"

"That's a fried food that I can handle," Ben replies.

Once we make our way through the giant, sugary pastry, I feel an appropriate amount of sick, which means it's time for a carnival ride.

"Let's go on the classic coaster! I've never been on one before and this one is almost a hundred years old. Are you a fan of coasters, Ben?"

He shrugs. "I used to be when I was a kid. For some reason, I thought it made me seem braver to go on them, but I always got really sick afterward. I grew out of it," he assures me when I start to voice my concerns.

"Well, with as much sugar and liquid in my system as I have, it should be a bit of a gamble. But I think we're up to the task," I say as we pull into line and I'm right. The coaster is fun, in a jerky, old-timey kind of way. Ben barely fits into the old, orange bucket seat, but we both laugh and enjoy ourselves so much that we decide to take another ride.

While we wait in line again, Ben leans over and tips my chin with his fingers before pressing a kiss to my lips. He tastes like cinnamon and sugar as I kiss him back, enjoying every bit of this moment with him.

It's our third time on the coaster before I realize how completely at ease I am with Ben. We are just starting to really get into a relationship with one another, and yet I feel as if I've known him for years—a lifetime, even. There's a connection between us that seems both strange and familiar.

I've never had this experience with anyone else before and I'm kind of afraid of what it's going to make me do. Because I'm falling hard for Ben and as the coaster dips and wobbles, I look over at his face and see him watching me, lips quirked into the smile that I love so much.

My stomach flips and it's not just from the ride. I reach across and take Ben's hand as I grin and laugh, savoring the moment and his wonderful presence as we ride on the coaster again, and again.

* * *

After hitting up some more rides, and a gorgeous, classic merry-go-round, it starts to get darker and colder so we decide to head back to the city. We're both a little quiet on the drive back and I'm surprisingly tired. I guess all the walking and the fried food had an impact on my energy level—too much sugar always makes me feel a little sick. Unfortunately for me, the 405 is a fucking mess, and it takes us forever to get to the city. By the time we're near downtown, I'm feeling full-on terrible.

"Can we stop off at your place? I don't know if I can make it all the way back home," I ask as my stomach rolls.

"Of course. We're getting close to my exit anyways," Ben offers while taking a glance at my face. I'm pretty sure I look green. Fortunately, once we're off the interstate, it doesn't take us long to get to Ben's place.

Ben pulls his Audi into the parking garage for his building and I try to open the door get out of his bucket seats, but fail miserably as my stomach lurches. Ben walks around to my side of the car and helps me out, his big arm wraps tight around my shoulders as we head for the lift. The lift chimes as the doors open and Ben leads me in, presses the button for his floor, and then pulls me into his big body.

"Can I stay with you for a while?" I ask while leaning into his chest. "I think I ate way too much..."

I really hope that I can keep my funnel cake flavored beer and beer flavored funnel cake inside my stomach, among everything else that's in there. Just being out of the car has made me feel a bit better, but I still don't feel like getting back onto the road when the 405 is basically a parking lot.

"I warned you about that fair food," he starts and I groan a little.

"Duly noted, Ben."

He laughs a little as his hand comes up to gently thread into my hair. "I'll get you something to settle your stomach. You can stay as long as you want."

Ben's place is on the top floor, because of course it is, and he leads me down a long, industrial-themed hallway before we get to his door. He wipes his keys over a sensor and apparently he has some sort of fob because the door clicks open and he lets me go in first.

"I don't normally wear shoes inside," he starts, and I'm immediately relieved.

"I don't either!"

Not all of my friends wear their shoes inside, but enough wear their shoes indoors that I never know whether I'm supposed to take my shoes off or keep them on. Back in England, if I'd worn my shoes into my foster home, I'd have been in so much trouble.

Bending over to wiggle my wellies off, I almost trip and fall onto my face as my stomach turns.

"Shit!" I exclaim as Ben reaches out to help me. I can _feel_ my face turning red. I hope that one day I won't manage to make myself look like a complete asshole in front of Ben, but it's not going to be today.

"I can give you a hand," Ben offers while getting to his knee before me.

I'd be romantic if I didn't feel like retching so badly. Ben helps take off my boots and sticks them aside. His hands were so big and warm on the inside of my leg that it was _almost_ enough to make me forget how sick I feel— _almost._

"You can rest up in the guest room. I'll grab you some Pepto-Bismol," he says while gently tugging me down the hallway and into a room. Fitting with the modern decor, the queen sized bed is covered in dark sheets while the pale walls are accented with black and white photography. It is blessedly dark and the bed looks more comfortable than anything I've ever slept in, especially when compared to my single mattress.

 _What a lovely room to throw up in!_ I think to myself. _God, I hope I don't throw up._

I gently ease myself into the bed as Ben leaves to get me some medicine. He comes back and sits on the edge of the bed before helping me sit. Ben pops open a container of pills and hands two of the pink things over to me with some water.

"I'll stick a bowl on the ground for you, in case you can't make it to the toilet—which is the first door on left, down the hall."

"Thank you," I manage before ducking back under the covers. I'd be humiliated if I didn't feel so fucking sick.

Ben reaches out and gently caresses my face before tugging up the edge of the blanket.

"Sleep as long as you want. I'll be here when you wake up," he assures me.

And I mumble another thanks before closing my eyes and it's not long before I pass right the fuck out.

* * *

 **Author's Note:** Okay, so I had to watch some Seattle news clips for this and I cannot believe that Lori Matsukawa still works for King5. Like, holy fucking nostalgia, Batman (it's been an age since I had cable, so I don't watch news that way anymore lol). I watched the most adorable piggy video for this chapter and it really made me want to go to the fair. Apparently, the animal petting zoo is a spring fair thing? I could be wrong (or the website could be lying), but I got some piglet pets in there for Rey and Ben.

Also, this chapter grew way too fucking big (like 12k? wtf me), so I split it into two (BOO YOU SUCK ME), but that means the next will be up soon and hopefully I can keep it on some sort of schedule till it's done (I've got about 7 chapters plotted out total). I'm doing NaNo, which has been really great for keeping me accountable. I've had some health issues that have kind of taken time away from this, so I'm really sorry, but I haven't forgotten this (or literally anything that I have as a WIP—they haunt my dreams).

I don't really eat flour anymore, but holy shit do I want to make some Fisher Scones. I love scones TO DEATH and these ones look so freaking good. UGH. I'm so hungry after writing this. ANYWHO! Thank you for all the state fair tips and favorites from everyone. I worked in as much as I could and now I really have to make a point of heading to a fair sometime soon lol.

The "looks like a snack" is stolen from Madison from AHS because I love that fucking line. As always, thank you for reading, commenting, and just for being you! I posted this update to the wrong fucking story LOLOL. God, I feel like ass today HAHA.

 **Come visit me on Tumblr pacificwanderer and bitch about working in coffee shops and retail lol. My inbox is always open if you need it. If you've enjoyed this fic, please feel free to share with a friend or leave a comment in the little box. Thank you for reading and kudos to everyone over at The Writing Den and House Crylo!**


	5. Lazy Sundays

**There's some making out between *** and *** nothing graphic, mostly implied activities, but just fyi.**

* * *

I stumble out of the spare bedroom and into what's easily the nicest living room I've ever seen. His flat is gargantuan. I could probably fit six of my flats in this one space.

 _Okay, so he really is loaded. Wow. Um..._

Floor to ceiling windows line the perimeter of the living room and I walk over and stare out at the water. You can see the entire bay from here! I mean, you _could_ if it wasn't so dark out. And never mind the fact that we're within walking distance to Pike Place. Ben's on the couch reading a book and I just barely keep myself from asking which book he's reading—I hate it when people interrupt me with that question so, instead, I take a seat beside him and wait for Ben to set his book down.

"Feeling better?" he asks before grabbing a blanket from the arm of the couch. With a little toss, he's got me covered and I snuggle in while dipping my feet under his strong legs to keep my toes warm.

"Yeah, much better, actually. Thanks so much. I should have warned you that I can get a little car sick."

Ben's lip quirks. "I don't mind. Happy to keep you around for a bit longer," he admits as a blush stains his cheek, which is so adorable I could just die.

So, of course, I manage to fuck it all up by being awkward. "So... Nice place."

 _Ugh. What a shit thing to say! Do you really need to remind him about how much nicer his place is than yours—or how much more money he has?_

I mean, logically I knew that he was out of my social standing, but this is... something else entirely. I don't know if I can manage this. What if he thinks I'm only using him for his money?

 _You flirted with him even before you saw this. He must know the difference, right?_

Fortunately, Ben seems to understand that I'm having a hard time with this all. Without a word, he holds his arms out. Taking the hint, I scoot over and sit alongside him and he wraps his big arm around my body, holding me tight while I press my cheek against his chest. And I _melt._ God, I'd pay good money to have this man hold me all the time. There's something so magnificent about it. You get the sense that he's not someone who enjoys hugging, so when he hugs you, it _really_ means something to him.

 _Falling. You're falling for him. It's been two dates, Rey! Keep your wits about you!_

I let my nose nuzzle into his chest and just sit, appreciating the moment.

"It's nothing," he starts eventually. "All of this, it's nothing."

"I beg to differ. I'm sure you worked very hard for it and, well, your home is gorgeous even if it is really huge. Do you clean this place on your own? Because I don't envy you that task at all."

Ben laughs a little, and the sound rumbles through him and into me. I _love_ the sensation and I'm more than a little distracted when he finally replies.

"I have a maid," he reminds me.

"What about Roombas? You must have at least five for a place like this," I joke.

"No Roombas, just a cat."

"What the shit? You have a cat and you waited until _right now_ to tell me about it? Where's the fluffy baby?"

My flat doesn't allow for pets, so whenever I get the chance, I all but abduct my friend's pets. Poe's Shibe, BB, is one of my favorite fluffy victims. I'm a little surprised to hear that Ben has a pet—though I pegged him as a cat person if my phone alert for him was any indication.

"She's probably asleep on my bed."

"She? What's her name? Tell me all the details while you show me your room."

"Are you sure about...?"

"Cat tax, please. We can discuss everything else after I've seen your cat!"

Ben laughs, shaking his head a little as he stands and helps me to my feet while the blanket spills around my ankles. I'm not really thinking about the fact that he's leading me to his _bedroom,_ my mind is full of fluff and dreams of kitties. It'll hit me pretty quick though. Just as soon as the cat runs away and I'm left alone with Ben. Yeah, like _right_ then. But until that moment...

Ben shifts and gently takes my hand in his, tugging me in the direction of a staircase—because of _course_ this behemoth of a place has more than one level—and I follow behind.

Which is great for me because he's ditched the coat and now I can see the flex and pull of the muscles in his broad back _and_ his ass. If I'm blushing by the time we get to the top of the stairs, Ben doesn't notice or is too sweet to say anything.

Ben presses the door to his bedroom open and turns on a dim overhead light as I peek around from behind his body. His cat is curled up in the middle of his giant, California king and is probably leaving her ginger hair all over his dark sheets, but Ben doesn't seem to mind.

"This is Millicent," he introduces. "She's a little skittish, but once she knows you, she loves to snuggle."

"Fluffy _baby!_ " I whisper from behind my hands. I _love_ cats and she looks like an adorable, squishy loaf.

I know how cats work and I don't want to scare her away, so I tiptoe over and slowly ooze myself onto the bed, getting close enough that she can sniff me, but not close enough that she's scared, and it works—score one for me!

Ben's cat tentatively sniffs my hand before pressing into my palm for pets and I'm so happy that I have to keep myself from squealing with my success.

I peek over at the doorway and whisper, "She's adorable."

"She used to be Hux's, but I took her to watch one weekend and he never asked for her back," Ben says quietly before walking over to the bed.

Millicent stands and prances over to him for some scritches, back arching as Ben rubs his fingers into her. She's obviously well-loved and, not that Ben was lacking in any way, but it does add some bonus points for him in my eyes.

"Sounds like something Hux would do," I mutter spitefully and Ben laughs a little.

"Yeah. Worked out alright in the end, she's a great cat," he offers.

 _Speaking of Milly, where did she... Oh. Out the door she goes..._

And then it happens. I realize we're alone and there's no cat, no counter between our bodies, or people to distract us. I'm not quite ready for things to go all the way, but I'm ready for _something,_ even if I'm not sure quite what. Ben seems to realize that we're alone, in his bedroom, at the same time I do. He looks like he's about to pull back, but I grab his arm before he can scoot away.

"C'mere," I say while tugging him closer.

Ben kind of settles alongside me, his top-half hovering over mine, so I squirm my legs up and position myself underneath him. I give a wink as I wrap my legs around him, and with a tug, he's more on top of me than off.

"I'm going to squish you," he warns.

"No way," I assure him. "I'm stronger than I look."

The corner of Ben's lip quirks. "Of that, I am quite certain."

He is so big and brawny and I find that I _love_ the sensation of his body pressing into mine. And, given that his bed is big and _way_ more comfortable than mine, I pretty much never want to leave it.

 _Or is it that I pretty much never want to leave him...?_

I blink up at Ben as he stares at me. It's one of those strange moments where you realize all at once how much you love a person's face. Not even for how it looks, though Ben is stupidly handsome, but it's this feeling deep inside that manifests when you look at someone special. Your heart feels like it's stretching beyond what you thought it capable of and there's this transcendent, warmth that makes you feel so complete it's a little frightening.

In some ways, I feel like I've been looking for Ben since before I even knew he existed and, now that I have him, I don't want to imagine my life without him. I don't say any of this, but something must show on my face because Ben reaches up and gently trails his thumb across my cheek to wipe away tears. I didn't realize that I'd started crying.

"Are you okay?" he asks.

I sniff a little. "Yeah, just... really happy. Happy tears."

"Mmm," he says before his lips brush against my cheek. "I understand that. Rey..."

"Yeah?"

"Thank you for today," Ben murmurs.

I reach up to trace my fingers along the shell of his ear. His eyes flutter closed and I realize he _likes_ the sensation and I make a mental note to do it more often.

"Thank you, too. I can't remember the last time I felt this... content," I admit.

Ben looks a little sheepish. "Yeah, me neither."

I crane my neck up and press a kiss against his lips, which he returns. My hands thread into his thick hair as I tug him closer while Ben's hand skims along my side, gently caressing me as I press into his touch.

Soon, our kisses turn frantic and while I can't seem to touch enough of his body, Ben holds me still before urging, "Tell me what you want." He wants to hear my consent and, considering some experiences I've had in the past with other men, I appreciate it beyond measure.

I want more. I _need_ more, but I also don't want to get my heart destroyed by how rapidly I've come to need _him_. I'm trying to hold some piece of myself back, but it's so hard when Ben is everything I dreamed of but never thought I'd have.

"I'd like... to go a little further, but not all the way...," I manage, even though half of my brain is screaming at me to stop being such an idiot and fuck the hell out of this man.

Obviously, I can tell that he'd _love_ to take things to the next level if the hardness pressing into my side is anything to go by.

"How far?" he breathes. His eyes scan my face before catching on my lips as my tongue darts out.

"Well, I wouldn't mind finding out if you look as good without clothes as you do with," I offer.

Without missing a beat, Ben shifts back and pulls up the edge of his jumper before tossing it to the side. I let out a low whistle as I see him shirtless for the first time. He is fuckin' _stacked_ and I say a silent prayer to whatever god is listening, thanking them for this precise moment.

"Verdict?" Ben asks as I blink up at him.

"What?" I manage as my brain short circuits. His shoulders are broad and his chest and abdomen are so thickly packed with muscles that my eyes don't know where to look next, but what's adorable is how sheepish he looks about it all.

"Should I put the shirt back on?"

"Good god, no. Honestly, you should probably never wear a shirt in my presence again."

Ben laughs. "I'll keep that in mind."

Before I can chicken out, I shimmy up and tug off my shirt. "Fair's fair."

And, to my eternal pleasure, Ben looks as dumbstruck as I feel.

"Bra too?" I offer.

" _Please,_ " he breathes.

With another quick movement, my bra joins the growing pile of clothing on the floor.

Ben lets out a shaky breath before murmuring, "You are fucking beautiful."

"So are you," I say before dropping onto the mattress, giving my back a little stretch, I curve while Ben lets out another low curse.

***Ben settles alongside me before pulling me tight for a deep, soul-crushing kiss. His hands are so big and warm as they slide across my skin and I can't help but reach out and trace my fingers along his muscles. His body is hard and hot and I'm losing my sense of control as his lips tease mine. Ben pulls back, kissing a path down my neck and over my sternum and it's not long before I'm wanting more than just kisses.

I flick the top button of my jeans open and Ben takes the hint.

"Let me know if you'd like me to stop—at any time," he says before shifting down the bed.

With a gentle tug, my jeans come off and take my socks with them. I'm just able to make out Ben's snicker from below and I'm about to ask him what the hell is so funny when I realize, _horrified,_ that I hadn't had time to hit the launderette this week which means that I am wearing my emergency knickers.

The ones that I never, _ever_ wear on dates.

Except for today.

Because it was a necessity.

So I'm wearing the underwear that have the picture of a kitten on them with a lovely, stitched: 'Pussy,' right above said kitty's head.

And, considering I'd never thought that I'd end up making out with Ben in his bed, I'd thrown them on without a second thought.

And now. Oh, _fuck._

"Cute panties," he comments and I can tell that he's holding in a laugh.

"It's laundry day. They're emergency underwear!" _Fuck!_ That sounds even worse!

Now, Ben _is_ laughing. "You have emergency underwear...?"

I want to curl up in on myself and die. Die right here in his stupid bed so that I don't have to deal with the horror of this situation.

"It was supposed to be funny for me—you know... pussy on my... well." I end with a cough, my face feels _hot,_ and Ben is pretty much losing it. And, I have to admit, for all the embarrassment, I really enjoy seeing him laugh like this. He's always so serious, which I love too, but seeing him genuinely happy like this is wonderful.

When he finally manages to get himself under control, he offers, "They're cute, but not quite what I was expecting to see."

"Not all girls wear lacy, sexy underwear, Ben," I grumble.

"I wouldn't expect lacy from you, Rey," he jokes back.

"Oh, is that right? Am I not fancy enough for lace?"

This isn't going _at all_ how I'd imagined until Ben shifts it right back around with a: "When I imagined your underwear, I pictured black and highcut, or flirty shorts," he admits.

"You've imagined me in my underwear?" I say with a gulp.

"I imagine you in much less than your underwear, Rey," Ben purrs and, just like that, everything shifts between us.

"Do you want to see if the reality lives up to your fantasy?" I manage as Ben gently traces along the band of my ridiculous underwear.

"I'd like that. May I?" he offers. His fingers hook in the top of my panties as I lift my hips. With a swipe, I'm completely naked and actively working to keep from fidgeting under his intense gaze.

Ben curses before murmuring reverently, "Jesus, Rey... you're stunning."

No one has ever said _that_ about me before, especially not when looking at my... _well._

My breath catches when Ben trails his hands over my legs, gently tracing along the seam of my thighs as he urges my legs open.

"Ready?" he asks. He looks ravenous. _No one_ has ever looked at me the way Ben does and I don't think I'll ever be able to get the image of him, hair softly tussled, lips slick, eyes dark and intense, as he waits between my legs for me to give my consent.

 _Yup. Going to be dreaming about this for the rest of my life..._

"I'm ready," I say, a little breathless, and a little anxious as Ben dips his head low... And pretty soon, I'm not able to think of anything other than how much I've fuckin' lucked out by getting close to Ben, and how I'd _wildly_ underestimated how great he'd be at using his tongue.

 _Completely, unbelievably, wildly underestimated._

And later, when I'm lying in his bed, overwhelmed by bliss, I turn over to where he's lying alongside me, staring at me with a smile on his handsome face, and offer, "My turn?"

"Only if you—"

"—I want to!" I assure him as I wiggle low on his bed... and show him with my hands and mouth _just_ how much I appreciate _him_ as well.

It's not quite all the way, but it's part of the way—okay, a lot of the way—and the taste that I've gotten with Ben hasn't completely sated my desire, but now I have an idea about what's coming and, if this night was any indication, sleeping with Ben will be just as wonderful as I'm expecting.

***I fall asleep in his arms and we sleep like that until we both wake up in the morning. Just when I'm about to worry about my morning breath, Ben pulls me tight and rolls me on top of him before placing a sweet kiss on my lips.

"Morning," he rasps. His voice is deeper in the morning and I like it.

"Morning," I reply. "How'd you sleep?"

Ben turns his head to the side and yawns. "Like a baby. Better than I have in ages, you?"

"Pretty well. Your bed is about a thousand times more comfortable than mine is."

I'm relatively certain that his bed is made out of magic and dreams, that and the fact that I'd spent the night cuddled up in his arms probably added to my comfort.

"Guess you should spend the night more often then?" he suggests as his hands skim low before cupping my— _eep!—_ still bare ass. I forgot to put my knickers back on before I fell asleep.

"Ahaha... I don't think we'll be getting much sleep the next time I spend the night," I muse, not entirely awake and therefore not really considering my words as carefully as I should.

"Is that so?" Ben asks as his eyebrow raises. His lips quirk as I sputter.

"I mean, I just. Third dates and, well. I mean, it's not like I got much sleep last night either and..." Ben cuts me off with a little pinch to my bottom.

"I'm teasing. I'm happy to let you get as much or as little sleep as you'd like," he assures me. "We only have to go further when you're ready."

I let out a little sigh of relief, happy that he's so understanding. "Thank you, Ben. And for last night... and for letting me stay. I hope Millicent isn't too put out," I say while craning my neck, looking for his cat.

"She has her own bed to sleep on. I'm normally pretty restless, so I disturb her beauty sleep."

 _Of course, his cat has her own bed,_ I marvel. He's out of my world, and yet, here I am, with him looking at me like I'm the light of his galaxy. Maybe I _do_ belong in his life. Maybe we met for a reason.

Or maybe I'm just lucky and he's lucky and there's not much more to it than that. For whatever reason it happened, I'm not going to let this chance pass me by. I'm about to snuggle back into Ben and resist the urge to get out of bed, but my stomach rumbles so loudly that it surprises us both.

"Hungry?" he asks as the corner of his lips quirks into a smile.

"Maybe a little."

"A little," he laughs. "You alright with going out for breakfast? Milly's the only one around here that has any food stocked up. I haven't been grocery shopping in ages, but I know the perfect place for a bite to eat and it shouldn't be too busy this morning."

"I'm good with that. Show me your secret breakfast spot, Ben!"

We dress, and I stick myself into yesterday's clothes, which is a great look—walk of shame, or whatever—and Ben digs out and puts on the most casual clothing I've ever seen him wear.

"Ben, are you sure you want to go out in that?" I tease as I take him in. And, though he's dressed casually, he still manages to look beyond handsome. In fact, his rumpled hair and sleepy face only add to his west-coast appeal.

"What's wrong with what I'm wearing?" he asks before brushing the invisible dirt off of his clothing.

"Well, you look like you fell out of a grunge band, but I'm actually just teasing. You look so adorable I'm kind of sad I don't get to see you dressed like this more often."

Ben Solo plus flannel equals one happy Rey. He's thrown a red printed shirt over a white undershirt, which wonderfully highlights the broadness of his chest, and the tight, dark jeans he's wearing fit him perfectly. He's going to draw just as much attention in this as he does in his suits, which is to say, he's going to have a _lot_ of eyes on him this morning, mine included.

"Glad you like it. You'll have to visit more on the weekends. I don't go out much, but when I do, this is pretty much as dressed up as I get."

"Well, I like it. Oh!" I think as I realize just how badly I want to brush my teeth. "Do you have an extra toothbrush? Or some mouthwash? Or literally anything to get the taste of sleep out of my mouth?"

"C'mon, I'll see what I can dig up," Ben offers while extending his hand.

After we're ready, we walk out into the lobby and take the elevator down before heading to the exit.

"We're not going to drive?" I ask. Wherever we're going, it must be close by.

"It's easier to walk, as long as you're okay with that?" Ben asks.

I peer outside. Looks like the weather is reasonably cooperating—not quite sunny, but not raining.

"Yeah, I'm happy with a walk," I say while slipping my hand into Ben's. We exit the building and head left, in the direction of the water and the market.

"We going to Pike Place?" I say, taking a guess.

"Yeah, there's a shop there that I like to visit on the weekends. Hopefully, it's early enough that we beat the tourist rush."

By the time we make it, the market is fairly busy, but mostly at the original Starbucks location where the line wraps all the way down the street. Things will get a bit crazy at the market later, but for now, it doesn't seem to be too crowded.

"I used to kind of hang out here when I first came over," I tell Ben as we weave our way through the groups of people. "It's really pretty and kind of reminded me of some markets in London."

Ben nods. "It's really touristy, but there are some great finds—like this," he says while pointing to a business sign.

 _Piroshky Piroshky,_ it reads.

"Pastries?" I ask. "I love pastry for breakfast!"

"Me too and this is one of my favorite places. I recommend the marzipan roll, but everything I've had here is delicious," Ben says while wrapping his arm around my shoulders.

We get into line and pretty soon we're in the tiny bakery. There are so many things to choose from, it's hard to pick what to eat. I settle on a marzipan roll, as Ben recommended, and a Moscow roll because I love cream of wheat. Ben also gets a marzipan roll and an apple cinnamon roll. I refrain from teasing him about how American I find that. Ben adds some waters to our order and insists on paying. Food in hand, we file out of the bakery and into the little walkway area, looking for somewhere to stand and eat.

I stick my extra pastry into my pocket before starting to munch on my marzipan roll and as we stand there, in the corner of the strip mall, trying to eat our pastries while avoiding the jockeying lines of tourists, I have the strangest realization.

I'm going to marry Ben Solo.

He hasn't asked me, and we haven't even had sex yet, but I know it with every fiber of my being. And the feeling is so overwhelming and uncanny that I nearly choke on my pastry, only to have Ben gently pat my back while offering me some water.

"You okay?" he asks.

"I need to learn to chew, apparently," I lie. I'm pretty from okay; I'm ecstatic, really, but I sure as fuck am not about to tell him that.

 _Hi, yes. The girl who you've been on two dates with, used your magical mouth on and gave the best orgasm of her life? The one who you cradled in your arms all night long? Oh, and then took her for delicious pastries and coffee the next morning? Yeah, she wants to marry you._

Ben leans in and places a kiss on the top of my head and I'm relatively certain he gets powder in my hair because he reaches up to brush away at where he just kissed.

"Sorry," he says, looking sheepish.

"I don't mind. Powdery kisses are the best!" I insist before tugging at his flannel shirt, pulling him in for a kiss.

With pastries in both hands, Ben tries to wrap his arms around me while still keeping his food away from my body. I'm pretty sure we look ridiculous, but I don't care. I pull away and smile up at Ben, who has powdered sugar and bits of pastry in his morning stubble.

I don't think I've ever seen a sweeter sight in my life before. I'm just about to step back and eat some more when Ben leans in and brushes his lips up against my ear before murmuring, "Thank you. For this. For yesterday. For everything. I can't remember the last time I had so much fun with such wonderful company."

I stare up at him as he pulls back, scrunching my nose as I assure him, "The pleasure is all mine. I can't wait for next time!"

Ben smiles back at me, his adorable crooked smile flashing back at me as he replies, "Me neither."

Before things have a chance to get awkward, I ask, "Have you ever been to the Turkish Delight place down the street? It is amazing. Best Turkish delight I've had in America."

Not that I have much to compare it to States side, but it _is_ really good.

"I haven't. Not really sure that I'm a fan of Turkish delight," Ben starts but I wave off his misgivings.

"I promise. It's really the best of the best. Might as well get some more sugar in our systems before facing the rest of the day, no?"

So we go and get more food and eat until we're stuffed and full of sugar before finally seeking out some coffee—a little local place. Neither of us seems to want the day to end, but it's Ben that makes the suggestion to take me home as the afternoon starts to settle in.

"Unfortunately, I have a meeting tonight," he explains as we head back to his place.

"On the weekend? That's the shits," I say. "You work too hard. And with such odious people," I gripe, not able to resist throwing in a dig at Hux.

Ben snorts, which is completely undignified and I love it. "Yeah, I agree. But it'll all be worth it one day," he assures me.

I consider asking what he means but decide to leave it for another day. Ben drives me back to my place, and traffic is a hell of a lot better than it was yesterday, which is great. Ben pulls into a spot and I lean over the console of his car for a kiss. I meant for it to be a sweet peck, but Ben's hand comes out and gently cradles the back of my head as he deepens the kiss.

We're about to have a repeat of the night he drove me home in the rain when we finally come to our senses and pull apart.

"Text me later?" I ask, still breathless from his kiss.

"Count on it, sunshine," he assures me.

I lean back in for another quick kiss before darting out of the car with a wave. I've had probably one of the best days of my life and I practically skip into my home. I'm certain that I'll be riding high on this for _weeks,_ but I take a moment to compose myself before I enter my flat. Rose is going to know something's up, but I don't want to look like I'm some love-struck fool, or she's going to worry that I'm diving in too quickly.

But it doesn't feel too quick, not at all, everything feels _perfect._ Which shouldn't make me feel as suspicious as it does. But with Ben, things finally seem to be looking up, relationship wise. And, if things keep going the way they're going, I can only imagine what will happen next for us both.

* * *

Author's Notes: Piroshky Piroshky is delicious and if you're in Seattle, it's worth the wait (if you like pastry lol, they also have some savory options that I love). So, I'm normally a pretty smutty writer (which is hilarious because I always had a hard time with smut), but now I'm trying to keep things like M and that's a lot harder than I remember it being lol which probably says something about me as a person but whatever HAH. At this point, they've known each other for a while, but Rey has her rules, and Ben is more than happy to express his affection in other ways. *W I N K*

Any mistakes are my own and my children and I cradle them to my bosom with love and affection. **Come visit me on Tumblr pacificwanderer and bitch about working in coffee shops and retail lol. My inbox is always open if you need it. If you've enjoyed this fic, please feel free to share with a friend or leave a comment in the little box.**


	6. Always Like This

My friends haven't met Ben yet though I've kind of hinted that I'm seeing someone. Finn _knows_ something is up between Ben and I because he sees how we are together at work and the secret's coming out anyway because there's a big Halloween party coming up and I've decided to ask Ben to come as my date.

I don't know if he likes Halloween. I kind of hope he does because it's definitely my favorite holiday and I might be a little disappointed if he hates it, but I'm going see if he wants to come. And introduce him to my friends, which should be interesting.

It's not that I don't want Ben to meet my friends, on the contrary, I think he's wonderful and that they'll all love him, but I always hold a little piece of my heart back in case things end in heartbreak. If I introduce him to my friends, it means it's all real between us and it wasn't some elaborate dream I made up.

If it's real, then it can hurt me. But I think Ben is worth the risk. And, at any rate, Rose is practically vibrating with excitement at the prospect of meeting him, especially after all that I've told her about him.

"I'm picturing tall, kind of broody. Like, built, but kind of uncomfortable with it?"

I give Rose a look. Sometimes I swear she has the Shining. "I really should take a photo of him, now that I think about it."

It wasn't like I hadn't clicked some photos of the places we visited when we were out together, but somehow, I feel awkward asking for one of Ben. Which is so stupid. All six-foot-something of him there for me to enjoy and I don't even have one fuckin' photo? Ridiculous.

Rose pulls an afghan tight over her shoulders. It's getting colder now, which means the shitty baseboard heaters are going to be on more frequently—which also means the electricity bill will go up. I hate when fall becomes winter.

 _At least, you'll have someone to snuggle with this year?_ I can't smother my smile fast enough to keep it hidden.

"I don't know what you're smirking about, but it's probably Mr. Ben. So why don't you text him and get him to send a photo? It's not fair that Finn knows what your mystery man looks like, though Finn doesn't really know that he knows, and I don't. I thought we were best friends?"

I clench my teeth and my heart starts to race at the thought of asking Ben to send a photo. Why does every little thing about Ben make me so nervous? I mean, I've been in his _bed_ for Christ's sake. And, we've, well... Fooled around a bit. And yet, my stomach still flips whenever I think of him.

 _You're in love. You're in love. You're an idiot in love,_ my mind races.

"We are best friends. I'll text him. He's going to think I'm weird."

"If he knows you, he already thinks you're weird and he fucking _loves it,_ " Rose assures me.

 ** _Me: Hey, strange request, but can I have a selfie? or a photo? or some sort of picture of ur face?_**

Surprisingly, he texts back right away, so I don't even have time to prepare myself for the unbelievably hot shot of Ben Solo, shirtless and kind of sleepy looking, that comes my way.

"Jesus Christ!" I yell.

Rose's eyes bulge. "Did he send you a dick pic?!"

My mouth drops open as I exclaim, "No! I just—he's shirtless. I think I woke him up. And he's cute. Oh, I forgot how cute he is when he's sleepy."

Rose's face scrunches a little, her eyebrow rising as she demands, "Show me the goods, sis."

I toss my phone over.

"It's locked. What's your code again?"

"Two-one-eight-seven."

I'm inexplicably nervous. Showing her Ben takes him firmly out of my fantasy and places him in a reality I can't deny.

"Sweet mother of all that is holy," Rose gasps as my phone flickers to life before her.

"What?"

"No wonder you kept him to yourself. He is _hot._ Oh, my god."

Rose is blushing. Actually _blushing._ So of course, I get embarrassed too and my face flushes. It's not as if I don't _know_ Ben is handsome, but hearing my bestie confirm it is something else entirely.

"And he's nice?" she asks.

"Super fucking nice. And he has a cat."

"Mmm, animal lover, hot, nice, loves coffee—and _why_ did you wait months before jumping on this?"

 _Because the heartache would be too much to bear if it doesn't work out?_

"Because I didn't think he'd be interested," I hedge.

"Oh! He's typing something back. I'm gonna give this back to you," Rose says before she launches my phone over.

 ** _Ben: Sorry, I was taking a nap with Millicent. I hope the photo was sufficient._**

"Fuuuck!" I drawl.

"What _now_?"

"He was snuggling with his cat and taking a nap."

Rose's hands press into her cheeks. "He is too adorable. Act fast, girl."

 ** _Me: more than sufficient. *cat* tax?_**

After a few moments, an adorable picture of a sleepy Millicent pops up on my screen.

Rose lifts her chin and wiggles her eyebrows. "And now?"

I flash my phone towards her and show the picture.

" _Adorable._ So, he's coming to the Halloween party, right?"

I nibble my lip as I consider. I hadn't invited Ben yet, but I guess now was as good a time as any.

 ** _Me: what ru and milly doing for halloween?_**

 ** _Ben: Hiding indoors?_**

 ** _Me: wrong answer! come to a party with me and my friends?_**

It takes a while for him to reply, so I assume he's thinking up some excuse until his response flashes on my screen.

 ** _Ben: I would be happy to. Costumes?_**

 ** _Me: ofc_**

 ** _Ben: Matching?_**

 ** _Me: presumably_**

 ** _Ben: Theme?_**

 ** _Me: the 80s or whatever you want_**

 ** _Ben: When were you born again...?_**

 ** _Me: ha ha very funny, i have google and a dvd player. ill be channeling breakfast club so dress appropriately._**

Rose interrupts my texting, which is good because I am being kind of rude. "He coming?"

"Yeah, we're just talking costumes. I'm going as Claire."

"And I assume he'll be Bender?"

"Hopefully. He does have the flannel for it."

"He dresses in flannel?" Rose asks while fanning herself. "We have a winner, Rey!"

"Seems that way," I say while texting him more details about the party.

Despite my reservations, I'm actually starting to feel excited about my friends meeting Ben. Seems like the next logical step in our relationship, and what better place to get to know someone than a Halloween party, where everyone is dressed up as something fun? Right? Not like anything could go wrong at a Halloween party.

Fortunately for my pocketbook, 80s fashion is _somewhat_ in style, so I already have some pieces for my costume, including kickass brown leather boots, I just need a pink shirt, but I think Rose has something that will work for that too.

"What are you going to do for your hair? You're going as Claire?" Rose asks while playing with her phone— _Candy Crush,_ she's addicted.

"Yeah, I am. My hair is too long, but I was thinking I could kind of roll it under to mimic a bob?"

"Could always cut it off," she replies.

I make a face. "Not ready for that. Maybe next year. What are you and Finn going as?"

Rose looks up from her phone and grins. "Formal attire and animal masks."

I stare at her. "I don't get it."

" _Party Animals!_ " Rose laughs.

"Hah! How punny. I'm sure Finn loves it."

"Well, he's not really into wearing a suit, but you know he his with cheesy jokes."

"Mmm, the cheesier the better," I say while checking the time. "I should get some studying in before midterms destroy me."

Rose gives me a little shooing wave. "Have at 'er, girl. I'll throw my headphones on and you won't hear a peep out of me."

I pop up from the couch and head to my room, fully intending to study, but Ben sends another text so I close the door to my room before flopping on my bed to read it.

 ** _Ben: Milly misses you._**

 ** _Me: just Milly?_**

 ** _Ben: No, I miss you as well._**

Between work, school, and life, it's been a week since I've seen him in person, which isn't too long, but as the days stretch between us, I miss his presence.

 ** _Me: u never come in for coffee in the morning anymore_**

 ** _Ben: Work has been… a bit challenging lately. But I think things should get back to normal._**

 ** _Me: good bc I see too much of hux and too little of u_**

I take a quick picture of my pouting face and send it over.

 ** _Ben: You are so beautiful._**

It was _not_ the reply I was expecting. My face flushes as his compliment settles inside me. Ben is nothing like the boys I've got experience with. In some ways, he's so in touch with his feelings and so open with them it's almost overwhelming—but in a good way.

I constantly feel topsy-turvy in his presence, but I'm coming to love the little rush that only he's able to make me feel.

 ** _Me: not the response i was expecting but i'll take it_**

 ** _Ben: What were you expecting?_**

I'm about to text him back, but I mash my phone a little too quickly and end up calling him instead.

He answers and his voice is raspy and way too sexy. "Hello, Sunshine," he purrs, which sends a shiver right through me.

"Sorry, I should have said I was going to call, but I didn't realize I was calling until it was ringing, and then I thought it would be weird to hang up, and…." I stop when I realize that I'm rambling.

"I don't mind. I'm used to talking on the phone. Texting is still a little foreign to me."

I laugh. "You say that as if you're ancient."

"Some days, I feel it."

"Well, if you're ancient, you're looking damn skippy for your age," I manage, but I underestimated just how much I enjoy the sound of his voice. Of course, we've chatted before on the phone, but sleepy sounding Ben, who I know is currently shirtless, is overloading my circuits.

"Damn skippy?"

"You look great, Ben. Surely you must know it."

He has abs, for goodness' sake, abs as in plural. Abs that I've been fortunate enough to have my hands all over, among other places, on his glorious body.

Ben laughs a little and I love the sound—kind of rough, kind of dorky, perfectly Ben. "Thanks."

"No, thank you!" I insist. "I don't know if you are aware or not, but I had a massive, soul-crushingly embarrassing crush on you from work, but I kind of assumed it wasn't going to work out. Well, until you rescued me, at any rate."

Ben pauses like he's choosing his words carefully, which immediately spikes my anxiety.

 _Shit. Did I say too much? Should I have kept that to myself?_

"I remember the day you started at the coffee shop," he admits, which was strange because I didn't, really. Okay, well, I remember the day being right fucked and that I accidentally poured coffee grinds down the sink and not into the grind bin like I was supposed to. And that I burned myself with hot water no fewer than three times.

"I'm sure I was at my best," I joke.

"You were changing the lobby garbage, and the bag ripped. Leaked all over the floor, but you didn't get upset. You looked at the mess and just laughed. I felt star-struck as I watched you work. I thought for sure you'd notice me staring and think I was a creep, but you were so focused on your work I don't think you even saw me."

I hadn't though I wish I had. I'd certainly noticed him every other time he'd come in.

"Why didn't you introduce yourself?" I wonder.

Ben sighs. "I didn't want to be one of those assholes who hits on girls at work."

"So, you bided your time, made me fall in love with you one coffee order at a time before finally swooping in to rescue me?"

Ben doesn't say anything for a _while._ And I take a moment to realize what the fuck I've just bloody said.

 _Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. I shouldn't have said love. Why did I say that? I'm such a fuckin' idiot!_

It's just so easy to open up to him and sometimes, the words come out before I can stop them.

"You looked like an angel," he says finally.

"I was wearing a green apron and was probably covered in coffee," I joke, hoping he didn't notice my inconvenient honesty. I mean… I do love him—Oh, shit. I do love him. But I don't want to make him feel like he has to feel it back, or confirm it, or anything. God, have I fucked this all up completely?

But Ben continues before I can try to ramble my way out of the situation. "It was uncanny. The way the light seemed to shine directly on you, illuminating your body as you worked. I couldn't not notice you. Everything about it was strange but wonderful. I think fell in love with you, right there and then."

I swallow around the sudden lump in my throat. "Oh," is all I can manage.

This is definitely new territory for me. I don't think I've ever been at the "I love you" stage of a relationship before. It's terrifying and yet strangely liberating.

My heart pounds in my chest, every beat a confirmation of my feelings. _I love him. I love him. I love him. And he loves me._

"Rey?" he says, startling me out of my moment.

"Yeah, Ben?"

I hear as a deep breath passes through his lips as if he's steadying himself for what he's about to say. "I love you."

Can't get much clearer than that. I roll over as I laugh and scream a little into my pillow, trying to work out some of the nervous energy that's flowing out of me before I reply.

Finally, I manage, "I love you too, Ben. I guess this just got serious?"

"Yeah, I guess so. To be fair, I was always serious about you, Rey."

Good thing I hadn't realized that otherwise I would have definitely found a way to brilliantly fuck it all up. I'm going to do this, I'm going to be okay with love and opening myself up—at least, I'm going to try. Because I think Ben's worth it and I think I'm worth it too.

We talk until I fall asleep, I know because there's a text message from Ben blinking on my phone when my alarm finally wakes me up in the morning.

 _Ben: Love you, Sunshine. Have a good day._

I read the text about a million times as reality—a good, happy, wonderful reality—settles around me. It was real. I hadn't dreamed up our conversation. And if I have a little more pep in my step during the morning and throughout the day, who can blame me?

"Did something happen, Peanut?" Finn asks between customers as we work. "You're bright and sunny."

"Aren't I always?" I joke.

Finn raises an eyebrow. "Well, some days you're sunny on the outside, but today you're sunny on the inside. I'm happy to see one of my favorite girls so… well, happy!"

It's so strange and true. I feel like I'm being buoyed up, and it's amazing, unexpected, and a feeling I've not had before. And it doesn't fade, not later when class is shit, and not even later when I'm tired, hungry, and just want to sleep. I'm so full up of love and excitement that the feeling carries me through the next few days until Ben is back and I'm able to show him exactly how happy I am to see him.

* * *

"Wow, okay… So…." Apparently, I am incapable of speech. Ben managed to throw through together a pretty brilliant Bender costume, and I'm rethinking our decision to head out to a party as I dream about staying in so I can peel off the layers of that costume and have some fun at his home.

"Does it work with what you had in mind?" Ben asks before smoothing the front of his flannel shirt.

"Yeah, a little too well, actually," I admit.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, I knew you looked good in flannel, but this whole costume is just… I mean. You look great. You look so great."

Jean jacket, red flannel shirt, white undershirt, gray pants that stretch appealingly over the muscles of his legs… Perfect. Fuckin'. Hair.

Ben stretches a little as I appraise him, his chest pressing against his clothing as I watch. Those poor, poor buttons. My hands reach out before I realize what I'm doing and my fingers run along the fabric of his shirt, head falling back as I stare up into his eyes.

"You look really good," I reiterate.

Ben's lip quirks as his hands find my hips. "So do you."

I rolled my hair under itself and it looks close enough for me and with the pink shirt, long brown skirt and kickin' boots, I look pretty Clairish. But Ben. My God.

"Going to be hard to ignore your ass, if I'm staying in character and all," I whisper while Ben gathers me into his body. His head dips before he gently rubs his nose into the skin behind my ear.

"'Sweets, you couldn't ignore me if you tried,'" Ben murmurs.

 _Fuck. Me. He looks, feels, smells like sex on a stick._

"Shut up. You have seen the movie," I manage, somehow. I don't know why I assumed he hadn't.

Ben laughs a little against my skin, sending a delicious shiver through me. "Yeah, I've seen it."

His lips gently press into the column of my throat and I let out the most pathetic little sigh.

 _God, he's good._

"Ready to go, princess?"

"Yeah, I guess so. I mean, my friends are waiting so we better, right?"

"Right," he agrees but makes no move to disentangle himself.

My eyes slip closed as Ben's hand snakes up my back, gently curling around the back of my neck as I tip my head. His mouth presses into mine, softly, lips pulling as he deepens the kiss. I try to think of reasons why going out is a necessity and come up short, so it's probably a good thing that after his toe-curling, earth-shattering, kiss Ben pulls back.

I blink up at him and try to come back to reality. Time to share him with the world, I guess, even though I jealously want to stay in and keep him all to myself. But then I remember that I'm going out with him—as his girlfriend, his girlfriend that he loves—and suddenly, I'm not so worried about having to share him. I have his heart and he has mine too, which is so much more than I ever thought to hope for.

* * *

We are definitely late, but I text Rose and, as she doesn't reply immediately, I assume she's already partying with Finn and Poe. The party is on Capitol Hill, so we park in a car park near the Seattle Convention Center and walk our way up, which is easier than trying to find parking on the street. A short walk later and we're at the venue.

Apparently, the bar used to be a mortuary, so it's kind of effortlessly creepy and, with the combined Halloween decorations and dimly lit atmosphere, it's the perfect venue for a party.

Fortunately for us, Rose is a planner and grabbed tickets to the event for us because the venue is small and the event definitely sold out. Ben and I queue up, but we're not waiting long before we pass our tickets over and enter the event.

Rose sees me before I see her and, sure enough, she and Finn are dressed as "Party Animals." Rose has an adorable bunny mask and is wearing a floor-length, shimmering blue dress I love, while Finn is wearing a lion mask and a gorgeous suit that matches Rose's dress.

"You two look like movie stars! Well, movie stars at a Halloween party. Whatever you both look gorgeous!" I yell over the music as Rose pulls me in for a hug.

"You look adorable and he looks hot as fuck, Rey," she loudly whispers in my ear, loudly enough that I worry that Ben can hear her. I shoot him a look but he's kind of standing there, chewing his lip a little nervously, while he waits for me to introduce him to my friends.

"Ben, this is Finn—who you should know from the shop—and Rose. Guys, this is Ben," I say while gesturing towards the whole, great lot of him.

"Pleasure to meet you, Rose; and nice to see you outside of your work, Finn," he says loudly while extending his hand to Rose, who takes it with a quick look towards me, eyes wide.

I know she's thinking about how big his hands are. I know it. I know her. And I know exactly where her mind has gone. I look up to the ceiling and pray for composure because yes, girl. _Yes_. Everything you are imagining and more.

Ben is shaking Finn's hand as Poe walks over, who looks dapper as fuck in his classic flight suit, appropriate considering he's a mechanic for Boeing.

"I'm Poe," he says, completely ignoring me and heading straight for Ben, which is typical because Ben is exactly the type that Poe goes for. Poe is the kind of dashing that draws a multitude of gazes and, boy, does he know how to yuck it up. He's also a remarkably honest, and true friend, so he also has that going for him, stupid, gorgeous, asshole that he is.

"I'm Ben, Rey's boyfriend," Ben replies and, though I know I shouldn't, I blush a little at the introduction. He is my boyfriend, and now he's meeting my friends. It feels like the important pieces of my life are finally falling into place and as Poe invites us over to the bar for a beer—his treat—I am so glad that I finally decided to introduce Ben.

And things start out great. Ben opts for a diet Coke because he's driving; I grab a lager with lime cordial in it and it's delicious. Finn gives me a snobby look from behind his mask and I know he's judging my drink, so I stick out my tongue at him, which is probably green.

"Classy, Johnson. Classy," he says before shifting his lion mask and taking a sip of his tar-dark drink.

Once the drinks are finished, and I'm feeling a little more relaxed, Ben takes me onto the dancefloor and we shift around as I realize that I'm out of my depth. I'd expected to awkwardly shuffle along, as I have on most other dates when dancing was involved, but

Ben is a great dancer, which I hadn't expected. He tells me his mother insisted that he take lessons, which is another secret that I've been able to divine. I love being able to put the bits and pieces of his past together as he reveals them.

We dance for what feels like forever until the tempo finally slows and Ben pulls me in close. We sway together, my head on his chest, as the music and the ambiance make me feel like we're the only two people in the room. I lean my head back and I'm about to go in for a kiss when Ben's face turns serious.

"What's wrong?" I ask while craning my head toward where he's looking.

Some drunk asshole seems to be having words with Rose and doesn't seem to say anything pleasant.

Ben drops a kiss on my forehead before walking over to my friend. I'm not sure what he's intending, but Ben is at least a foot taller than the angry man who is not impressed that Ben's come over.

The drunk barks out something and I don't hear what's said, but Ben does. His face darkens as the drunk man continues to go off while Rose looks hurt and angry. Ben steps between the man and Rose and the idiot takes a swing at Ben, which is a mistake considering Ben is built like a brick fuckin' house. Ben dodges the erratic swipe and kicks a leg out, sending the drunk man straight to the floor.

The man flails on the floor as Ben wraps his arm around Rose's shoulders and leads her toward where I'm standing, mouth open as I watch.

"Finn and Poe only left to go to the restroom for a minute and he was on me. We should probably leave," Rose suggests loudly.

Finn and Poe arrive on the scene and take one look at the drunk on the floor before they turn and notice us.

"What the hell happened?" Finn asks.

"Drunk couldn't take no for an answer," Rose explains. "Managed to get his feet knocked right out from under him by a friend. Anyone up for Dick's?"

"A burger would be nice right about now," I agree as Finn pulls Rose in for a tight hug.

"You okay, honey?"

"Yeah, just annoyed. Thanks for stepping in, Ben," Rose says over her shoulder as we make our way through the bar. "It's hard to tell how far some guys will go when they've been drinking."

"Let's get the fuck out of here before drunky gets his ass off of the floor," Poe suggests.

Fortunately, the drunk asshole's friends take one look at Ben, with Finn and Poe flanking, and realize they'd be better off carting their drunken friend away, which they do.

We leave without another incident, blessedly and decide to head to the drive-in. There's a Dick's location nearby Capitol Hill, so Ben and I split from the group to get his car so we can drive over to the glorious restaurant.

"You okay?" I ask while we walk back to the carpark.

"Yeah, I hope I didn't embarrass you," he replies as I give him a confused look.

"No, of course not. You defended my friend from that drunken asshole. How is that embarrassing?"

"Wasn't really planning on getting into a fight tonight."

"Well, it wasn't much of a fight," I laugh. "Was still a pretty amazing move. Can't help but wonder if you've done this kind of thing before?"

"What's that? Get into fights?" Ben asks.

"Yeah, that. You seemed to know exactly what to do."

Ben laughs a little before answering, as if whatever memory I've dragged up is amusing. "Yeah, I guess you could say that. I studied fencing as a child, and I got into fights. Often. The other kids weren't too kind about my ears," he admits and I'm certain, if it wasn't so dark, I'd be able to see the tips of his ears, which are likely bright red.

"Too bad, I love your ears."

That gets a real laugh from Ben. "Yeah, sure."

"Yeah, I am sure," I declare. "They're wonderful and, besides, you let out the most adorable little sighs whenever I play with them. So, it can't be all bad."

Ben coughs. And I know he's blushing and I love it. Without a word, Ben pulls my hand to his lips for a gentle kiss, and it's my turn to blush. He always knows just what to do to turn me into an absolutely goopy, lovey mess and, even though the evening didn't quite turn out how I expected, it was still brilliant to spend it with him.

* * *

The ride over is quick and uneventful, which is great considering Ben just got into a fight and I quite find I've had enough drama for one evening.

Finn, Poe, and Rose are staring up at the menu when we walk over to join them. Bright lights shine down on their faces as they choose from the menu. It's basically what you would expect a drive-in would be, I mean, not that I've seen many drive-ins outside of movies. Most people order up front and eat in their cars, but there's a tiny eating area that we're planning on using, as long as it's still available.

There's a line because of course there is, but Dick's is worth any wait. It's pretty much perfect after drinking food, though none of us is particularly sloshed. Still, I'll never say no to food, especially greasy food. Ben pulls up close behind me and wraps his arms around my shoulders, so I lean into him and enjoy his warmth on the chilly, strangely clear night.

"Know what you're getting?" I ask Ben as I scan the menu as if I don't already know I'm getting a deluxe with fries and a strawberry shake.

"A special, some fries, and a chocolate shake."

"Didn't peg you for a mayo and relish fan," I tease.

Ben drops a kiss to the top of my head. "I'm just full of surprises."

I tip my head back and try to look at him. "Sure thing, Mr. Always gets the same drink at the coffee shop."

Ben shrugs and I feel his muscles flex against my back with the movement. "When I find a good thing, I'm not afraid to commit."

I laugh. "That's good to hear."

Rose clears her throat from somewhere to my right and my head pops back down as she rolls her eyes. "Okay, lovebirds. You're up."

We order and I pay before Ben can dig his wallet out. Our orders are up pretty quick, but Poe stops in place before we can all head over to eat.

"Shit, I'm missing my fries," Poe says.

"Okay, we'll go find a place to hover and wait for you guys?" I offer as Finn gives me a knowing look before waving me away.

Okay, okay, okay. Caught. I do want to ask Ben what he thinks about my friends, but as we walk over to a little floating table, Ben offers his opinion before I can ask, "They're really great."

I beam up at him while managing to walk with my food and not fall on my face. "I'm glad you think so. I think they like you too."

Ben huffs out a little laugh. "I'm glad to hear that. I haven't had much time for friends until recently," he admits.

"Well, you have me. And I'm sure you can have my friends too. They're really good about collecting strays—I mean, they picked me up after I came over from the UK."

I stick my food down on the tiny table and then dig into my burger—which is juicy and delicious and probably fuckin' terrible for me, but I don't care because I love to eat.

"God, this is good," I moan appreciatively. "How's yours?"

"Pretty good. Seems the reputation is for a reason," Ben muses around a bite of his burger.

"What's that now?"

"This is my first time here," he admits.

I give him a look. "How long have you lived in Seattle for?"

Ben sighs. "Long enough that I should have made a point to come here before now."

I cock my head at him. "I'm beginning to get the idea that you pretty much only ever went to work, got coffee, and went home. I really am dragging you out of your routine, aren't I?"

What kind of lonely life did this man live? No family nearby and seemingly no friends. It makes my heart ache for him and I resolve to never let that happen to Ben again, I mean, if I can help it, anyway.

His lips curl into a sad smile and it takes a while for him to answer. "It kind of feels like I was ghosting my way through life until I met you," Ben says, which surprises me so much that I swallow way too quickly and end up choking on a bit of my burger.

Ben pats my back as I choke, my face flushing with embarrassment. "You okay?"

"Yeah, I just can't eat like a human being, apparently."

Rose, Finn, and Poe walk over to where we're standing, so I don't get a chance to respond to Ben before they start chatting, but it's okay. For the first time in a long time, I feel more right than wrong about everything. I slide my hand into Ben's as my friends chat together with us. I feel content in a way I never expected I would. Ben's hand squeezes mine as if he knows—like he's feeling it too.

There's nowhere else in the galaxy I'd rather be than right here, right now.

* * *

I end up spending the night at Ben's after the Halloween festivities and we do a lot more than just sleeping. I won't kiss and tell… much, but Ben rocks my fucking socks off in the shower before he spreads me out on his big bed and we make things official in other ways.

****I don't know if you've ever been with someone like Ben in a walk-in shower before, but let me say that I will never, ever get the image of his broad body out of my head. His skin was flushed from the heat and our… activities, the water beading over his shoulders and down his pecks, abs, and much, much lower. His eyes were hungry as he stared at me, hair plastered to his skin as he leaned in, body skimming along mine as he dipped low, hooked my leg over his shoulder, and helped me come apart against the cool tile wall before I returned the favor.

Also, and I didn't know this, but there are showers out there with multiple showerheads. Multiple! What kind of fantastic fucking life exists out there beyond my knowledge, because one showerhead is fine, but _six_ is divine. Especially when one is sharing said shower with their obscenely hot, huge boyfriend.

****Yeah, pretty much the best night ever.

Which I'm glad for because Ben ends up having to go to New York for work and it feels like the longest two weeks of my life. Work drags on and every time the front door opens I pop my head up and hope to see his face.

On a few occasions, it's Hux's head that walks through the door which immediately sours my mood. He seems to realize that there's something between Ben and me, because his stupid face is so fucking smarmy while he orders. There must be something more going on between the two of them than I know about because he can't hate me _that_ much for fucking up his order and being a little snarky, can he?

Given what I've come to learn about coffee customers, they're relentless in their pursuit of caffeine and _don't_ forget a slight. Ever.

All well. I'll just have to live with the knowledge that Hux will hate me forever. And, to be honest, I'd gladly deal with a million Huxes if it meant I'd get one Ben out of the bargain.

"Oh, look. The inept coffee urchin. Not so brave without Solo here to defend you, I'm sure?" he snarks.

I hate him. "If you think I have either the time or the patience to fight with you today, you're sorely mistaken. So, if you want your coffee, you get one shot. Use it wisely," I direct while tapping my finger on the touchscreen. I know what he wants, but I'm going to make him say it.

Hux sighs dramatically when I don't rise to his bait. "Grande, quad, extra hot, light foam latte."

"Anything else today?"

"Just a smile," he demands, so I grimace instead.

"Loyalty card?" I ask and he hands it over, but instead of letting go of the card, he holds it tight and forces me to give him his full attention before he taunts me.

"Such a shame that New York is so far away. Must be awfully hard for you here, all alone."

"I'm a big girl. I can handle myself," I say quietly. I don't know what he's getting at, but I don't like it. I'm sure Hux would never do anything to me, but it feels like the comment is alluding to something I'm not aware of, which puts me at a disadvantage and I hate it.

 _Has Ben been keeping something from me? No, I doubt it. Hux is probably just being an ass,_ I think before he continues.

"Really, must be hard when there's so much distance between the two of you. They say long-distance relationships are the hardest manage."

"Well, it's a good thing he'll be back in a few days," I manage before snatching the card out of his pale, spindly fingers.

I try to ignore his snide comment, but it sticks, and he knows it. What kind of impact could Hux have on Ben? Does he know something that we don't? I've never met their boss, but Snoke has a fearsome reputation in the neighborhood. Everyone knows not to cross him, so I worry about what that means for Ben.

But as far as I know, Ben makes Snoke buckets of money, so it's not like his boss would have a reason to be upset, right? It's busy at the coffee shop, so I don't have much time to think about it before I'm wrapped up in helping customers and trying to keep coffee grounds out of my hair. After work and after class, I'm pretty much wiped, so I take a shower and fall asleep as soon as my head touches the pillow.

I'm not the soundest sleeper, so I wake up later and see that it's midnight and that someone has messaged me. My eyes take a moment to adjust to the light from my phone as I realize Ben sent me a message about ten minutes ago, so I type a reply.

 ** _Me: isnt it like 3 am?_**

 ** _Ben: I don't even know what planet I am on, let alone what time it is._**

 ** _Me: i miss your face_**

 ** _Ben: Stay with me when I'm back?_**

 ** _Me: please. is the work going ok?_**

 ** _Ben: It's going. I thought I left NYC behind after I moved out west._**

Ben hasn't spoken much about his past, which is fine, I don't want to pry. I know he's not close to his family, and that he was originally from the east coast. I wonder if it's hard for him to go back there?

 ** _Me: you'll be home soon_**

 ** _Ben: With you there, I have something to return to—someone that feels like home._**

I wiggle in bed as I let his words settle in my heart. I completely understand and I think, no matter where in the world I end up, as long as Ben's there with me, it'll feel right.

We talk until I can't keep my eyes open any longer. I don't ask him about Hux because I'm trying not to worry about what he said, but something in the pit of my stomach doesn't feel quite right, so I'll probably mention it when Ben's back.

With my graduation coming up in the summer, I'll have to decide what I want to do next because working at a coffee shop forever certainly isn't a dream of mine.

 _I should probably start looking into grad schools… if that's what I want to do. Time to hit up my advisor again._

I thought that once I hit a certain age, I'd just know what to do with my life, but I'm realizing that most people just wing it. For the first time, I have a place where I feel like I belong, with friends who are as close as family and a boyfriend who loves me, and it feels so overwhelming sometimes that I catch myself pushing against that belonging.

Despite my past, despite the loneliness of my childhood, I finally feel myself moving beyond who I was and I'm excited to see who I will be, even if the future's uncertain. I want to believe I'm worthy of that happiness, but Hux's words linger in the back of my head.

 _They say long-distance relationships are the hardest manage…_

And I can only hope he doesn't know something that Ben and I don't.

* * *

Author's Notes: Thanks so much for reading. Dick's is real, as is the bar they go to (it's called the Pine Box) and both are lovely. Any mistakes are my own aaaaaaaaaaand I wanna cry a little lol. Which is too bad because I had fun with this chapter. Anyways, hope your New Year's went well and all the best in 2019. Much love and blessings to you 3


	7. One Truth at a Time

_**Thanksgiving is upon Rey and her friends as her relationship with Ben continues to develop. But as the semester ramps up and Ben's work continues to pull him from Seattle, will Rey and Ben be able to make their relationship work?**_

As a note, I discuss food insecurity in this chapter and rough childhoods (divorce, foster care that wasn't always great). I don't really go into detail, but in case anyone is sensitive to that kind of thing, I just wanted to mention it beforehand.

* * *

I rather think that everyone should have to work in retail. Specifically, retail during the holidays. If you've never worked at a coffee shop, or a storefront, during the lead up to Thanksgiving, then you truly don't know the depths of human misery. Okay, I'm exaggerating, but with as many demanding assholes who come through during the day, I think more empathy is needed.

And personal experience with being on the receiving end of a retail customer's ire.

 _Yes, sir. The coffee is brewed fresh every 10 minutes._

 _Yes, ma'am, the latte does have coffee in it; you are not just paying for milk despite what the name suggests._

 _No, your joke isn't funny and no I don't want to have coffee with you._

 _If animals could do this job, then I guess you'll be first in line to work, right?_

We've been lined up out the door since about eight in the morning and I know it's only going to get worse. Working through the holidays at the shop is about the worst thing I can imagine and, combined with studying, projects, finals… and everything else, I'm only ever one shitty situation away from a breakdown, which is typical for this season. Fortunately, I have great friends to support me, some of which I work with and, this time around, I have Ben.

I smile as my thoughts turn to him and the recent developments in our relationship. I've never been one to obsess over sex, but it might be because I'd never had sex with someone like Ben before because, and I cannot emphasize this enough, there will always be sex before Ben, and sex after.

He's likely ruined me for anyone else, which is fine considering I've decided that I'd like to spend the rest of my life with him. Not that I'm going to shout that out, or anything, but it's definitely in the back of my mind.

 _And hopefully in the back of his…_

Finn drops his head onto my shoulder, distracting me from my thoughts as I wipe the counter behind the register.

"How you doing, Peanut? You okay working customer support for a bit?"

I drop my head onto his. "You know any time I don't have to work on cash or bar I'm a happy Rey."

Finn laughs. "That I do. You still coming for Thanksgiving?" he asks. Poe generally has a Thanksgiving meal at his house, because he actually owns a house that's big enough to allow for that kind of thing to happen, and this year is no different. And, considering it's the one day that we all have off for certain, other than Christmas, we generally spend it together.

Me and my motley family.

"Yeah, of course. Wouldn't miss it for the world."

"Bringing Ben?" Finn says with a nudge.

"I have to ask him, but maybe." I'm bad at asking people to come to things. There's always this lingering feeling in my mind that they're going to reject me or laugh at the invite. Of course, the rational part of my brain knows that Ben wouldn't ever do something like that to me, but it's hard to get over years and years of bullshit.

"I'm making candied yams," Finn brags as I laugh.

"God, you Americans have such strange dishes," I marvel.

"Says you, from the land of haggis."

"Okay, first of all, haggis is Scottish, and second, it's not that bad."

"So, you're bringing haggis then?"

I give Finn an elbow. "You're insufferable. I can see why Rose loves you so much."

Finn gives a little dance as he backs away, shoulders shimmying as he grins. "She loves me so much because I'm funny!"

"Good thing looks aren't everything, love," I tease with a wink.

"Har har, Rey," he says, but a shattering glass sounds from the lobby and I know I have a mess waiting for me.

"Never a dull day at the shop," he says while giving me a sympathetic smile.

"Isn't that the truth?" I sigh.

At least, I have Ben to look forward to after work. Only… four hours to go.

Time slithers on at a depressing pace, but eventually, I'm off. I grab an upside down, caramel blended coffee with the shots affogato and extra caramel drizzle because I have a need for this sugary monstrosity to keep me going.

"Your poor teeth," Jess jokes as she slides the drink my way. There are espresso stains on her face and milk all over her apron and, somehow, she still looks amazing. Her dark hair is pulled up into a messy bun and the oversized glasses perched on her nose fit with the whole hipster aesthetic she's got going on.

"I'll gobble it down fast so it barely hits my mouth," I assure her.

Jess snorts before turning to steam some milk. "You'd have more experience with 'gobbling' than I do, at least lately," she grins before going in for the kill, "Speaking of gobbling, when you and your hot boyfriend going to have a coffee date? Been a while since we had something interesting to gossip about at work."

"Har, har, Jess. He'll be at Poe's for Thanksgiving. You coming?"

"Friendsgiving? I'm going to do my best. My parents are insisting on a family Thanksgiving this year, which usually means too many noodles and way too much drinking."

"I'll save you some pie," I promise her before gingerly sipping from my freezing drink while wishing I'd remembered my metallic straw.

"Village Inn?"

"As if I'd drive all the way to Poe's and _not_ get pie from Village Inn." The restaurant is famed for their pie and I always make a point to pick one up whenever I visit Poe's, whether it's Thanksgiving or not.

"That's my girl," Jess replies before being thoroughly distracted by the line of drinks waiting for her.

I snake my way through the crowd of people waiting impatiently for their coffee before stepping out into the parking lot. Ben had offered to grab me after work, which is sweet, but the last thing I want is him being all gorgeous while I stink of coffee and look like hell. After a quick trip home, and a much-needed shower, I throw on my second-nicest pair of jeans and a cute top after agonizing over which _almost_ matching undies and bras to choose from.

I mean, I don't know that I'll be spending the night, but there's a very good chance that Ben will see me in my underpants and I'd rather not have to deal with being caught in my wash-day wear again. I have a few things at Ben's already, so I don't bother with packing a toothbrush.

Part of me is freaking out over the fact that I have anything at his house, and another part of me is so ecstatic I can hardly keep from crying about it. Things are changing for me and I hope it's for the better. I shoot Ben a text that I'm on my way before driving over to the entrance for the 405, which is predictably a mess, but soon enough I'm pulling into the entrance for his place. I roll down my window and punch in the code to enter the gated garage and drive through to my spot.

 _My spot._

I have my own _parking space._

 _What's next?_ I wonder. I'm not sure if I'm ready to live with Ben and I definitely wouldn't leave Rose in a lurch, but maybe that is the next logical step?

 _That or marriage,_ I think, nonsensically as my stomach flips. I mean, I _would_ marry Ben if he asked me. But he's never given any indication that we're heading towards that.

 _Don't freak him out, Rey. Keep your head in the game! Don't fall too hard! Keep it simple—airy! Breezy! Fun!_ I try to give myself a pep talk as I head towards the lift.

I sift through my purse to look for my fob, otherwise, I won't be able to get inside the building. Oh, I have a fob too, so I can get into his flat if he's not home. Gave it to me a few weeks ago, which is surely a good sign?

 _Maybe he takes this more seriously than you think he does?_ My mind so helpfully suggests.

No use working myself up when I should just be looking forward to spending the evening with him. I smooth my hands over the front of my black, oversized-sweater as I wait for the lift. I try to ignore the pilling on the fabric because it's currently one of the nicest things I own. After food, rent, school, and everything else, there's not much left for clothes.

Rose and I definitely do hit up Buffalo Exchange when we both have time to shop, but even used clothes cost money—which I really don't have.

 _Once you've graduated, you'll surely get picked up somewhere that pays more than just above minimum wage, right?_

I groan. Even with Seattle raising its minimum wage up to fifteen an hour, it's just not enough. Never is. Rose reminded me that there were some internship positions posted in the HUB at school, but I just haven't had the time to check those, either.

 _I wonder if they're paid internships or just "experience."_

The lift chimes as I come back into the moment. I'm about to take a step forward as the doors pop open, but I find myself face to face with a very tall, very familiar, and very welcome body.

"Oh, Ben! Hello!" I say, blinking up at him. He must have just gotten off work because he's suited up and looking gorgeous, but he looks almost sad. I'm about to ask him if he's feeling okay, but I'm wrapped in his arms before I can get the words out.

My head bumps into his chest as he holds me tight. I awkwardly shuffle my arms up and do my best to wrap them around his massive frame.

"Y'ok?" I mumble against his jacket.

"You're a sight for sore eyes," he says while pressing a kiss into my hair. "Let me grab something from my car; hold the elevator for me?"

"Yeah, of course," I say as Ben pulls back. I know his job is stressful and that he works with assholes, but it's kind of a surprise to see him so worked up.

"Bad day?" I ask when he returns.

Ben sighs. "I… yeah. Bad day. Better now, though." His lips quirk as he stares down at me.

Without a second thought, I launch myself at him and hold him in a tight hug. "I'm always here for you, Ben. You know, if you need to talk."

"Thanks, Sunshine," he says before pressing a kiss to the top of my head. His arms wrap tight around my middle as I lean back to smile up at him. The stress and anxiety disappear from his face as his eyes trail over me.

"And, I mean, just to be sure, I should probably kiss it all better?"

"Kiss what, exactly?" he murmurs.

I laugh. "Well, what hurts? Your brain? Your shoulders sore from the stress? Maybe I should kiss _everywhere_ just to be sure."

I bite my lip before giving him a slow smile. Ben lets out a shuddering sigh that rumbles right through me. He doesn't press the button for his floor. Neither do I. There's a physicality to our relationship that's a little overwhelming sometimes. I've never been so attracted to someone before. Generally, I've had to make a lot of concessions in my relationships in order for them to work at all, but I haven't had to make any with Ben.

It's almost like he was made for me, or we were made for each other. Like there's something strange and mystical about this relationship that's beyond us both. When I'm close to Ben, I can't resist touching him, and it seems to be the same with him because his hands have dipped low on my back and are skimming just above my ass.

God, I'd like to climb him like a fucking tree. Wrap myself around him and let him fuck me in a lift. I mean, I won't, but the desire sure is there. I swallow thickly as I stare up at him.

"I missed you." It feels inadequate for how I feel about him. It's not quite missing, it's something that's beyond that feeling. Like a longing that can only be satisfied by one person.

Ben curls over me and gently brushes his lips along the column of my throat. "I missed you too, Sunshine."

My body tingles as he kisses me. I clutch the lapels of his jacket as his hand dips and cups my ass through my jeans. God, he's so fuckin' big. Everything about him makes me feel so small, and I'm not used to the feeling. Nobody I've ever dated was as huge as Ben, and Christ if that hasn't just blown my expectation for men right out the bloody window.

I press into him and let out the most pathetic little mewl that I think was supposed to be words, but Ben seems to understand what I'm putting out there because his second-hand joins the first as I feel myself being lifted up. My legs wrap around his strong middle as if it's the most natural thing in the world, and as he presses me into the wall, my mind nearly blanks from the sensory overload.

Everything about this man overwhelms me and I can't help but claw at him and beg for more and more and more. And does he ever deliver. My head lolls against the wall as his lips pull at my skin, tracing a path down my neck and to my exposed collar bone.

 _Fuck…_ I think, as my hand reaches up to curl in Ben's thick, dark hair.

He laughs against my skin as I realize that I've mumbled that aloud. His stomach presses tight into my core, creating the most delicious friction against my body. I tug his hair a little and his lips are on mine before I can even ask.

Ben kisses with his whole being and I find myself sometimes fighting to stay above the current as his intensity threatens to pull me under. Am I worthy of this devotion? Am I worthy of his love? For so much of my life, I've felt like I didn't long, but in Ben's arms I'm alive and wanted and it means so much more to me than I could have ever imagined.

Ben shifts a little, one hand tight on my ass as the other comes up to nudge my head back before holding tight behind my neck. As if he's just as desperate for this moment as I am. As if he's not quite sure any of this is real and his touch alone is what's making this moment solid. My hand in his hair tightens in response. Ben growls.

And god, if that isn't the sexiest fuckin' thing I've ever heard. I'm halfway between tugging his jacket off and wiggling myself against him when the lift starts to move. We both sigh in tandem before slowly, and very reluctantly, pulling apart. My body skims down his as he releases me and I grind over him all the way down.

I look up and flash him a knowing smile before he gently arranges me in front of his body. He's flushed and the tips of his ears are red and peeking out from behind his hair. I must look a mess. It's great. I love that he's as lost for me as I am him.

A middle-aged woman and her dog step onto the lift. I greet her with a toothy smile and she takes one look at us and must not like what she sees because a nasty scowl creeps onto her pasty face.

Normally, I'd feel embarrassed, but fuck that. I'm dating Ben fucking Solo and I won't be shamed by anyone. I pull his arms around me before leaning my head back against his broad chest. If she's going to scowl over a couple standing together, then she needs to get the fuck out of her condo more often.

The dog—a tiny Pomeranian—for its part, gives us a friendly sniff before wagging its puffy tail and heading back to its owner.

At least the dog is cool.

Ben reaches over my shoulder to scan his fob for the penthouse and Ms. Anti-PDA pops off on her floor, dog in tow, without another incident.

"Nice neighbors," I joke while wiggling my fingers at the dog as it disappears behind the closing lift doors.

"She's usually friendly," Ben says before dipping to place a kiss on my shoulder.

"Ahh, so it's me she disapproves of." I say with a laugh. "Someone has a neighborly crush on you!"

Ben huffs out a laugh against my skin. "I can't see how. We've spoken all of three times since I moved in."

"Pish posh. You only ever spoke to me about coffee and I barely managed a word in edgewise, and I still fell for you." I reach back and wrap my arm around the back of Ben's neck as I lean into him. "Tall, dark, handsome—slightly brooding. Anyone with eyes can see how wonderful you are."

Ben huffs and his chest presses tight into my back. "And then they get to know me and the façade is ruined."

"Don't be daft. They get to know you and everything is so impossibly perfect, people surely have to pinch themselves to make sure it's all real. I know I do."

His arms tighten around my middle as we both settle into silence. I know I'm about to say something awkward because I've certainly made things awkward by being too honest, but fortunately, my stomach takes the first step toward Embarrassment Village—Population: me. A loud rumble emanates from my tummy and holy shit am I evidently hungry.

"Excuse my stomach," I say as I feel the heat rising into my cheeks.

The lift chimes as the doors slide open. Ben steps out from behind me while tangling his hand with mine and leading me forward.

"When's the last time you ate?"

I sigh as he leads me down the long hallway that leads to his door. "I don't know? This morning, maybe? I might be primarily feeding myself with caffeine."

The drinks are free at work, which means I don't have to spend money that I don't have to sate my hunger. But coffee and espresso drinks only go so far. Eventually, some food is needed, but I have about fifty-dollars to last me 'til the end of the week, so I'm trying to stretch things as long as I can.

 _One day I won't have to worry so much about being able to pay the bills. One day, I'll have enough for rent and food,_ I promise myself. My stomach rumbles as if it doesn't believe me.

"C'mon. I'll make you some dinner," Ben offers and I immediately light up. He's never cooked for me before. Generally, he orders take in, or we go out and grab something. Which is expensive and, considering I like to make an attempt to pay for his meals too, it's getting a little challenging to keep up with. Maybe he's realized?

I'm halfway between thankful and mortified. Poor Ben having to deal with his pauper of a girlfriend while living in a veritable castle. Ben never makes me feel anything less than special, but we certainly are from very different worlds.

 _Of course, it doesn't help that Hux is constantly ribbing you about him at work, either. Speaking of Hux…_

I need to ask Ben whether he knows anything about Hux's implied threat. If he knows something about Ben's work situation, then wouldn't Ben know too? I resolve to ask him about it, but after we've had something to eat first. Now that my stomach is revolting, it's taking precedence over everything else.

Ben pops his fob over the keypad and the door clicks open. "I'll grab you some tea and a snack. Why don't you watch some television?"

"A snack? You have food in here?" I tease, still a little surprised that he's managed to find the time to stock his fridge.

"Very funny," he drawls as I pull away and I slip my shoes off before walking into the living room while Ben makes for his kitchen.

I'll never get used to the gorgeous view, even if it's a little obscured by clouds and darkness. Seems to fit with my mood, actually. Which is ridiculous because I should be happy. I'm with Ben, who loves me, and he's making me food and we'll probably have ridiculously amazing sex later. What could be better than that?

 _But Hux…_

I let out a little growl and only realize that Ben is behind me after he coughs a little while I turn to face him. "You ok? I brought some chips and dip and a cup of Earl Grey. The timer's on the table," he says while pointing at the tea timer. I could kiss him for caring enough about the taste of my tea that he set a timer for it.

 _How is he so perfect?_

"I… yeah. I'm fine. Long day and just getting hangry."

"Anything that I've done to make it worse?" he asks before stepping close. I have to lean my head back to look into his eyes—dark, intense, and worried about me.

"No, of course not!" I insist before wrapping my arms around his middle and giving him a tight hug. "You're the best part of my day, as always. Want to tell me about your day?" I ask.

Ben rubs a big hand over his jaw on the way to carding his fingers through his long, dark hair before gently trailing his hands down my arms to settle on my waist. "It's nothing I haven't handled before," he replies before taking a breath. I wait to see if he's comfortable telling me more and then, to my surprise, he does.

"Snoke's been looking to acquire another firm in Manhattan and it looks like it's going to go through soon. Hux has been… difficult throughout this process."

"I can only imagine," I grumble while pressing a kiss into his sternum. I'm about to mention my own concerns about Hux and ask whether this means he'll be spending more time away, when a timer dings from the kitchen.

Ben pops a kiss on my brow before sliding back. "I have to check that. Relax for a bit, okay?" he calls over his shoulder before hurrying to the kitchen. The tea timer dings and I turn off the alarm before sticking the teabag on the saucer. I take a sip, but it's still way too hot for me to drink so I munch on some chips instead.

I'm about to take a turn about the room when I spy Millicent and she gives me a look as if to say, "You got a lap? I'm ready to sit." I step around the low coffee table and take a seat on the couch and, to my eternal joy, my interpretation of cat looks is correct because she trots over and slowly works herself onto the couch and then into my lap, kneading her dull claws into my thigh as she tries to settle into my lap.

"Fluffy ginger baby," I coo while gently massaging into her fur.

I don't bother with turning the TV on, even though I know Ben has all the fancy channels that I always want to watch, but never can. Instead, I lean into the armrest of the couch and between Milly's soothing purr and my own general exhaustion, I end up falling asleep, only to be startled awake when Ben returns.

 _Shit. I should have gone to see him cook!_

Ben's already to die for sexy, but the fact that he likes to cook too? Incomparable. How did I get so lucky? Plates in his hands, Ben miraculously has a bottle of wine under one arm and two wine glasses under the other. I make a move to help him as Milly scurries from my lap, giving me an annoyed look from the floor as she angrily licks her paw.

"Sorry, beebs," I apologize while reaching out to pull the bottle and the glasses out from under Ben's arms. Ben sets a huge plate in front of me on the low table—grilled asparagus, a Caesar salad, and steaks. It smells heavenly and, given that I've been alternating between ramen and eggs this week, it looks fuckin' divine.

"Do you want to sit at the dining table?" Ben asks while I take a sip of my tea. It's gone cold, but I don't mind as I knock it back before answering.

"Rose and I usually just eat dinner in front of the TV, so this is fine, if you're okay with it?"

Ben gives me a nod and a small smile as he settles into the couch, his big body folding in on itself as he manages to balance the plate on his legs. It's almost comical, but it's also incredibly endearing to watch him manage that huge body. Ben eats as I grab the wine bottle and twist open the lid—merlot and probably chosen to pair with the red meat, though I don't know much about wine, so I have no idea if it's a good bottle or not. Knowing Ben, it probably is.

I pour Ben's glass first before thanking him for dinner. "You didn't have to go to so much trouble. I would have been happy with a sandwich."

Ben gives me a look before his hand reaches out to brush against my cheeks. "I wanted to make sure that stomach of yours was full up. It is the night before Thanksgiving after all, have to make sure my Sunshine is well-fed."

I beam. "Yes, and you Americans are known for overeating," I tease. "I suppose I'll have to indulge whilst I can."

Ben cracks a sardonic smile. "I suppose the holidays have to be good for something."

I give him a knowing look. I try to avoid thinking about my childhood by eating. The meat is cooked perfectly and tastes rich, like butter and garlic. The asparagus is nice and crispy, and the salad is so covered in parmesan, I wonder if he looked into my head and was able to see how much I love the stinky, delicious cheese.

If he didn't already have my heart, one way to get it is through food, though I think he knows how much it means to me that he's taken the time to cook for me. Family meals weren't a thing for me, not until I moved in with Rose. I was so thoroughly adopted into her family and group of friends, that I can't imagine my life without them now. But the whole dinner thing took some getting used to.

When I was growing up, there'd never been enough. And now, with them, and with Ben, it's kind of overwhelming. Letting go of those feelings of inadequacy, of fear, it's so hard. But I try and try _and try_ so hard. I want to be happy in the moment. I want to appreciate what I have now and not always feel as if I need to plan for a future that doesn't have enough.

I look away from Ben and grab my wineglass, taking a gulp before he can see my expression. The wine is earthy, with a faintly smoky aftertaste, and I'm certain it will go right to my head.

The holidays are… hard. Things have gotten better since moving to the States, but the ache from the memories remain. When you're poor, holidays are just another day of the week. You become an expert at deflection, on making excuses for why you didn't celebrate your birthday, or anything else, for that matter, an expert at changing the subject so you don't have to think of the million different ways in which your life sucks, and how truly alone you are.

We eat in silence until we're both finished and, after we both stick our plates on the table, I continue, "Holidays suck," I say and I don't elaborate.

"They definitely bring back some unpleasant memories," Ben agrees. "Spending holidays traveling back and forth between my parent's places was kind of shitty."

"Your parents are divorced?" I didn't know that. I don't know too much about his family.

I've talked a little about my past. Mostly about growing up in the system and getting bounced around from foster home to foster home. There were some good people who took care of me the best they could, and some bad. But Ben hasn't really told me much about his past, so it's kind of surprising to hear about it now.

"Not officially. They just prefer to live separately. They work better when they're apart."

That sounds strange to me, but who am I to judge? Being in a relationship is hard, so I imagine some people just make it work the best they can. However that looks.

 _And if you have the money for it, then… Money makes things so much easier, but it's not everything,_ I remind myself as I sit quietly and hope that Ben will continue. He does.

"My dad's from this area," he says quietly. "Issaquah, actually."

"Been to Triple-X Rootbeer?" I ask. Okay, so I might have a thing for diners. Finn, Rose, and I cram into my car during the summer and head out for some insane hotdogs and shakes in Issaquah, but that's about all I know about the town.

"Yeah. Dad loves that place."

I wait for him to say more, but he doesn't continue and I'm about to ramble about my favorite menu items to fill the silence but Ben finally says, "They always wanted me to be a doctor. Mom was so upset when I flunked out of Pre-Med."

"You flunked out of school?" I marvel. I have a hard time imagining him flunking out of anything.

"Accidentally on purpose."

I laugh a little. "What a rebel. How'd you end up with Snoke?"

Ben sighs. "Another jab at my parents. Mom knows Snoke—despises him, more accurately. Ran in the same circles in Manhattan for a while. I think he offered me the job just to piss her off. It worked. We've barely spoken since."

My hand reaches over squeezes his. "That must be hard."

"No… and yes. Can't change the past now. I have to let it die, or I'll never be who I want to be."

"And who do you want to be?" I murmur before sticking my plate on the table so I can shift closer to him.

"I…," Ben trails off as we both stare out at the sound. It's not a clear night, but the clouds are high and we can see the lights from the boats reflecting back at us as they skim across the dark water.

I pick at the edge of his shirt as he quietly admits, "Once, I thought I knew. I thought I knew everything. But now, well. You're here. Everything's changed."

"I wasn't expecting this," I say while gesturing to the space between us.

"I wasn't expecting this either," he admits, "I was kind of under the impression that I'd die alone. I sort of wanted to."

"Ben!" I cry before giving his arm a tug. "Don't say things like that!"

 _Even if they're true. Even if I know exactly what you mean because I've been there. Oh, I've been there._

Ben sticks his plate on the table before pulling me into his lap. He wraps his strong arms around my middle as I duck my head under his chin.

"A lot has changed," he assures me. "Even before I met you, it almost felt like I was getting ready for something."

"Or waiting for someone?"

His lips brush against my brow. "Yeah, something like that."

I nuzzle into his neck. "I'm happy, Ben. My life hasn't had much of that, but I'm happy. And I'm so grateful to have you."

Ben trails his fingers along my cheek, dipping head back as he tells me, "I love you, Sunshine."

My reply is a breathless sigh against his lips as his head descends and his mouth meets mine. And pretty soon, I'm not thinking about the past or even the future. Pretty soon all I can think of is _Oh… more!_ And _Yes, please!_ And _Oh… Ben!_ As he distracts me so thoroughly that I forget to talk to him about Hux. But with better things to do, and a sexy man to do them with, I let those nagging thoughts flutter from my mind as I realize that I'm the luckiest girl in the world.

Happiness is often fleeting, especially in my life. But with Ben, it feels like I can stretch this happiness out into eternity. There's something infinite that's growing between us, something more than just a coincidental meeting at a busy coffee shop. I was waiting for someone like him to arrive—no, waiting for _him_ to arrive—and now that he's with me, I have a hard time catching my breath as I live in anticipation of what's yet to come.

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Author's Notes:

DUN DUN DUN dun dun dun DUN DUN DUN (Imperial March plays faintly in the background). Thanks for reading! I'd love to hear your thoughts :) The title of the chapter is taken from a song (One Truth at a Time by Radion6, feat. Cathy Burton). I'm going to do my best to get this done before SWCC (UGHHH I HOPE SO), and much of the next chapter is done and everything else is plotted out, so fingers crossed I'll have the energy! Thanks so much for your patience and for reading, I really appreciate both so much. Any mistakes are my own and my darlings. I love you to the moon and back. Take care!

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Tumblr gonna Tumblr, apparently, so I've gotten on the Twitter thing for fandom pacificwandere1 but I'm also still on Tumblr **pacificwanderer. Come give me a shout in either place :)**


	8. You Had Your Soul With You

**_Friendsgiving, food, and friends-and some work-related drama that threatens Rey and Ben's new, happy normal._**

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I do remember to invite Ben to Poe's later—much later when we're both lazing about in his giant bed. Ben manages to throw some pajamas on, but I'm snuggled up in the blankets with Milly and don't really want to move, despite my nakedness.

"Should we bring anything?" Ben asks while I scritch under Milly's chin.

"Hmm? Oh, I'm on it. I ordered two pies from Village Inn. We just have to pick them up on the way."

And I have a few things stashed at Ben's, so I don't need to head home for a change of clothes before going to Poe's. Rose is with Finn, so we don't need to carpool, either.

 _Easy peasy lemon squeezy!_ I think as Milly leans in for a friendly headbutt.

"What kind of pie?" Ben asks.

"Do you have a preference?"

Ben doesn't bother to look up from his phone as he answers, but his lip quirks as if he's amused. "Well, if you'd invited me earlier, I might have told you. It's apple."

I hide my face in Milly's fluff as I reply, "Yeah, I deserved that. I was worried you'd say no, so I kept putting it off!"

Ben drops his phone and shifts closer on the bed, wrapping his arms around my shoulders before tugging me back onto the pillows. Milly lets out a pissed little mew and jumps off the bed as we land together with a distinct _thwump_ as Ben manages to shift so he's hovering over me.

"And what makes you think I could ever say no to you, Rey?"

I stare up into his handsome face and count the freckles and moles as I let his words settle around my heart. "I don't know. I guess I didn't want to make you feel obligated to do something you might not want to do," I say quietly.

"Being with you is never an obligation. And I like your friends," he assures me.

"You should introduce me to some of your friends," I suggest.

Ben's lip quirks. "They're all on the East coast. I only have coworkers here, and they really don't count."

 _Speaking of coworkers…_ I swallow before jumping into my Hux concerns.

"So, how likely is it that Hux knows anything about your work situation?"

Ben scrunches his face up before answering, which makes me feel immeasurably better because he's obviously confused and not concerned. "Hux? He's an ass, but he doesn't have any control over what happens to me at work. If anything, he's a subordinate of mine. Though I do prefer when our paths don't cross."

I laugh a little at that. "Yeah, I can understand why. Not the friendliest, or the kindest."

"Not by a long-shot."

I'd been silly to worry. I should have just asked instead of letting it build inside of me. I need to learn to get better at depending on someone else, and not keeping everything inside.

"Thanks, Ben."

"For what? Hux being an asshole?"

I wiggle the tip of his nose. "I don't think you can reasonably take credit for that."

"You'd be surprised. I do go out of my way to ruin his day when I can."

"What a bad boy," I tease. "But no, thank you for making me feel better and for listening. I'm not used to it in my relationships and I appreciate it. More than I can say, really."

Ben turns his face into my palm and places a kiss there. "Get used to it."

 _If I get used to it, what happens if it's no longer there? No._ I try to clamp down on the negativity. It's not fair for Ben and it's not fair for me. I can enjoy this, right?

Ben dips his face to mine and places gentle kisses along my jaw before capturing my lips in a deep kiss, his tongue tangling sweetly with my own before reminding me exactly why a California king is the best damn bed size in the world.

Later, I steal one of Ben's t-shirts and knickers—both of which are way too big on me—before we head back downstairs and actually get to watch some TV. I sit in Ben's lap as we end up watching Disney's _Beauty and the Beast_ and Ben is surprised that I can sing, or that I know all the words to the animated movie, maybe both.

"Watching Disney movies are some of the memories from my childhood that I cherish," I explain. Even if they were being used to keep us kids quiet, I didn't mind. Who doesn't dream of a life where they're cherished, loved, and accepted for who they are?

"I never really watched them," Ben admits. "Except for _Aladdin_ , but that's obviously the best Disney movie."

"Mmmmm, I'm sorry? All I heard was _Beauty and the Beast_ is the best Disney movie ever and I wouldn't dare say otherwise?"

Ben huffs out a little laugh. "What makes you say that?"

"Belle doesn't have to change to make anyone happy. She's already enough, just the way she is. I think that's a remarkably strong message for young girls and, well, the Beast it hot."

Ben's hand gently squeezes my calve as he answers. "I'm learning so much about you. Is this your subtle way of telling me that you'd like me to grow my facial hair out?"

I laugh. "I love you just the way you are, but my first impression of you was definitely that you were hiding a little from the world. But now, we've shown each other 'A whole new world,' together!" I say, grinning widely at my terrible joke.

"See, I told you _Aladdin_ is the best."

I roll my eyes and change the subject. "Ready for tomorrow? Poe's going to be ecstatic. He has a dog, BB. A Shiba, are you okay with dogs?"

"More than okay. My dad used to have a giant Newfoundland dog named Chewie. I loved that dog."

"Cuuute," I say while imagining childhood Ben with his pet. "I bet you were adorable as a child."

"All ears and nose, actually, but I grew into it," he replies before gently nuzzling the skin behind my neck. The neck of his giant shirt slips over my shoulder and I don't bother righting the fabric.

"You'll have to show me pictures one day," I suggest. "I don't really have many pictures from my childhood."

Ben's sigh brushes against my skin. "Mom loved to take pictures, whether I wanted to be in them or not. There are literally thousands of pictures of me at her home."

"Glorious," I reply, a little anxious because I didn't quite realize that by bringing up his childhood, of course, I'd be bringing up the possibility that I might be meeting his parents one day.

"Mom will love you. And dad. You're exactly the kind of girl they were always trying to get me to settle down with."

"Is that right, now? How so?"

Ben presses his lips against my exposed shoulder as he explains, "Beautiful, smart, doesn't take shit from anyone."

"Flattery will get you everywhere, Ben. But what kind of girls did you used to date?"

Ben nibbles at my skin. "You sure you want to know?"

"Sure, why not?"

"Socialites, mostly. Beautiful, but cold. Were more interested in my name than anything else. Which is fine. That's how things go in those circles on all sides of the spectrum. I just found myself wanting something more, so it also impacted my decision to strike out on my own."

"And then you met me," I say with a toothy smile. "I might not be a socialite, but I definitely make up for it with my rapier wit and charm."

"And your freckles, and your smile, and the sound you make when I'm _just_ about to go down on…."

"Hey," I interrupt. "I like you for your personality, okay? And not because you're the most gorgeous man I've ever seen in person or because of other sizable attributes you may or may not have."

Ben laughs. He's doing it more and more lately, and I love that I'm the one to bring that happiness out of him.

"Sure thing, Sunshine. Irrespective of my sizable attributes and your wit, I'm lucky to have you in my life."

I find his hand and give a tight squeeze. "Likewise. Now shush. This is my favorite part of the movie."

Ben plants a kiss on my skin and pretends to ignore that I'm technically not shushing because I'm absolutely singing along. I think I'm the happiest that I've ever been in my life and I can't help but wonder what it would be like to be with Ben like this all the time. I let that thought simmer as I snuggle into his shoulder and enjoy watching Belle fall in love with the Beast, and he with her, as I experience my own love story.

* * *

We make it to Poe's place in Federal Way in record time, even with having to line up to grab the pie at the restaurant and the heavy traffic on the way. Poe works for Boeing, which is a polite way to say he has more money than the rest of us, but he's a bit older, so I chalk it up to experience and, okay, hard work. His split-level home has a big yard for BB, an outdoor swimming pool, which is I know, ridiculous. A pool on the Pacific Northwest? With the rain, he probably uses it like 5 times a year, but guess who's over at Poe's whenever it's sunny—this girl and her friends.

Ben parks along the sidewalk and we walk up together. I balance both pies in my arms—one's a pumpkin supreme, the other's a lemon supreme—and Ben knocks.

Rose and BB answer and BB is so excited to see us both, it's a wonder he doesn't shake his curly tail off.

"Hi, Rose!" I greet my friend as she scoops the pies from my arms.

"Better take these for safekeeping because it looks like BB is expecting some love," she says with a laugh. "Hi, Ben. Welcome to Poe's house. He'd come to greet you, except nothing gets between Poe and football."

Voices from the living room call out in welcome. "It's a really close game!" Finn explains.

"And you both have really terrible manners," Rose shoots back. "C'mon through. Kitchen is straight down the hall." Rose turns and takes the pie with her into the house.

"Shoes on house," I whisper to Ben, who takes extra care to dry his damp shoes on the welcome mat while BB does his best to get right between his long legs.

"You're going to be covered in orange hair by the end of the night," I say while bending to give BB a pat.

"I'm already covered in Milly's hair, so I guess it's just my lot in life," Ben jokes.

"Ahh, poor Ben. Beloved of all things orange and fluffy. Let's go see the boys." I reach my hand out and slide it into his. Ben's big hand wraps around mine and holds tight as we walk down the dimly lit hallway and head into the living room.

Poe has his head in his hands and Finn looks delighted as they both sit on Poe's oversized couch and cheer on their respective teams. Poe's all about the Seahawks and Finn cheers for the Broncos. I know more than I ever wanted to know about American football because of these two, but watching their reactions is always a brilliant way to spend an afternoon.

BB shuffles around us and makes for his giant fluffy bed. Great thing about Shibas is how much they're like cats—he sleeps more than any dog I've ever known before and doesn't even beg for human food.

"Dinner's all ready. Poe and I have been cooking for ages, though it doesn't look like it," Rose says while gesturing to where Poe sits in sports-agony.

"The turkey is perfect. And the _pupusas_ were made by my _Abuela_ and are also to die for," Poe says without turning away from the big screen tv. "Hi, you two. I'd get up and give you both hugs, but it's going to have to wait until halftime."

Finn laughs. "Were up by twelve, so I have plenty of time for hugs!" Finn pops up and walks around the couch to give me a big hug, and a handshake-hug hybrid for Ben. "Welcome to Friendsgiving, you two."

"Did you bring the marshmallow sugar yams?" I tease.

"You bet your snobby, British ass I did, babe," Finn says with a wink before walking over to help Rose in the kitchen.

There's not much to do, but I help pull out some of the food from the oven as we all wait for halftime. Seattle's down by 3 at the half, which thrills Poe who finally deigns to come over and join us—and greet Ben and I properly.

I get a hug, and Ben gets a hug that lingers a little. Poe gives me a wink and a thumbs up that only I can see as he seems to imply that he approves—of what, I can only guess. Poe always did have a thing for tall, dark, and handsome. And, given that Poe looks like he was crafted by Michelangelo, he normally gets exactly what he wants.

"You bring the pie, Buns?" Poe says to me before heading into his kitchen to dig a beer out from the fridge.

"Of course, flyboy. As if I'd show up for Friendsgiving without pie."

"But lemon supreme, right?"

"I'm insulted that you even have to ask," I say as my eyes roll.

"Buns?" Ben asks and I immediately realize that it's kind of a strange nickname that may or may not be referring to my ass. It's definitely not, but he doesn't know that!

I sigh because it's embarrassing to think about how dorky I was. "Back when I first moved over, I always had my hair up in buns. I just… really liked it that way, I guess. It's gotten too long to do it lately, but Poe called me buns _once_ and never stopped. Thankfully, everyone else found better things to call me."

"Don't pretend like you don't love it, Buns." Poe gives me a wink and a smile as I help bring food out from the kitchen.

I actually don't mind, but I'm not going to let Poe know that. Give him an inch, and he'll take a mile—and never let me forget about it, either. Ben follows me and offers to take some of the dishes out to the table, and also leans close to murmur, "Maybe I should switch out 'sunshine' for something a little more anatomically appropriate. You do have an amazing ass—" I silence him with a well-placed spoon to the lips.

"You're just as bad as he is and don't you dare encourage him. Sunshine is fine. More than fine. Now, I'm getting hangry, so let's get this dinner started. You need anything else from the kitchen, Rose?"

"We're all set! Just need the plates and cutlery…" she says with a pointed look.

"Right! Right, let's get a move on, then!" I give Ben a little tap with my hip as we stick everything on the table.

"Buffet style," Finn announces. "And Poe eats like a monster, so be sure to take as much as you want the first time, otherwise you might miss out."

Poe groans loudly from the end of the table. "Traitor! You eat just as much as I do, and here you throw me under the table when _Ben's_ here!"

"If I don't tell him how you are, then he's going to be fooled into thinking that you're generous until all the good foods are gone."

"You two. Stop it," Rose chides. "Just because your teams are fighting doesn't mean I'm going to put up with any shit at the dinner table." Poe blows Rose a kiss in answer and Finn shoots her an apologetic smile.

"It's fine, honestly. This is actually the first Thanksgiving I've had in… years, actually. It's nice. No smashed plates yet, so it's already leagues better than what I'm used to," Ben says as we all kind of look at each other. Apparently, we're all at a loss for what to say next.

I reach over and take Ben's hand. I know he means it to be a joke, but I'm used to making jokes to mask the pain. Fortunately, everyone at the table has their own reasons for seeking out friends during Thanksgiving—friends that are close enough to be family. It means just as much, if not more, that we're making the choice to be here. No familial obligation, just a group of friends that wants to spend the holiday together.

"Well, we'll work to make this your best Thanksgiving yet," I assure him.

"With you here, it already is," he says before leaning over to brush a kiss across my brow. I can feel my cheeks flushing because I'm not used to PDA in front of my friends, but I like it, even with Poe shooting us knowing looks from across the room.

 _You're just jealous,_ I mouth.

 _You bet I am,_ he mouths back and I laugh as we all settle around the table and get to eating—and eating. God, since starting Friendsgiving, it's become a competition with myself to see how much food I can fit in my stomach. But I guess that's part of it. Even Ben looks a little stuffed and kind of like he's regretting wearing those black, slim-fit jeans.

"No shame in popping the top button," I whisper to him. "There's still the pies left to eat."

"Shit, I just might have to at this rate. Your turkey was perfect, Rose," Ben says and rose looks tickled pink about the compliment.

"It's a new recipe. Normally, I do a turkey and tofurkey, for when my sister Paige can make it, but she had to work this year."

"Tofurkey? I've never had it."

"It's alright. But nothing quite compares to Rose's turkey," I tell him.

"She's paid to say that," Rose jokes. "Paige insists it's just as good as the real thing, but no one ever quite believes her."

"I will eat whatever is put in front of me," Finn adds. "And it's not so bad. Nicely seasoned and kind of tofu-like."

I scrunch my nose as I think of tofurkey—ugh, the thought of more food makes me feel like garbage when I'm this full. "I'm moving to the couch. This sitting business is much too uncomfortable when I'm this full."

"Good idea, the game's back on anyways and my boys are closing in!" Poe gloats as Finn grumbles.

After cleaning up dinner, we all move to living room. Between yelling at the refs and each other, Poe and Finn have a wonderful time while the rest of us digest. I love this part. Sleepy silliness as we all just relax with each other.

Rose squeezes onto Finn's lap and cheers on the Hawks to be contrary, and Finn's gloating turns out to be a bad choice because the Seahawks manage to tie up the game. Ben, for his part, doesn't seem to be very interested in the game, but he's polite with his disinterest.

"I grew up at the theater," he murmurs, pitched low so that only I can hear it.

"Well, that makes sense given where you were raised. I've only ever seen Disney On Ice, but I'd love to see something on Broadway—oh, and the Hollywood adaptations. I kind of have a thing for musicals," I admit.

"I hadn't realized. And here I thought you learned to sing your way through the Disney catalog just for fun."

"You're hilarious. I hate you."

Ben chuckles. "That's not what you were saying last night, or this morning, for that matter."

My cheeks flush and now I do hate him. "You're the worst."

"Again, not what I've been told. Repeatedly. _Loudly,_ " Ben drawls.

I give him a look, which he seems to take as a rebuke because he leans forward and places a quick kiss on my brow. I notice Rose watching us from Finn's lap and I try not to make it obvious that I know she's watching. Her hands are all clutched up under her chin and she looks like she's having the hardest time not cooing at us.

I love her for not doing that. The last thing I need is Poe ribbing Ben and me, but it does make me a little happy to see how happy she is for us. She and Finn are such an amazing couple, so it means a lot to have their love and support in this—and their approval.

Ben fits. In my life. With my friends. As different as all of our circumstances are, he fits in so seamlessly it feels like he was always meant to be here. The feeling is so uncanny that it's a little overwhelming. I lean into Ben as I grab his hand and hold tight as I finally breathe and allow myself to just feel happy.

We hang out for a few more hours until everyone, drunk on turkey and too much pie, seems to want to head to bed.

"You're more than welcome to spend the night. I have a few guest rooms and my bed is _more_ than big enough to fit…."

"You keep pretending that there's enough room for all of us in your bed when we know that BB takes up three-quarters of it."

Poe laughs, his handsome face crinkling as he agrees, "Got me there, Rey. Can't blame me for trying."

I give Poe a wink before looking up at Ben, who's good-naturedly taking Poe's teasing. No, I guess I can't blame him. Not when Ben's been a tree that I've been looking to climb since the moment he walked into my life. I'm just lucky that he was the complete package and not just a handsome face.

Rose and Finn decide to take up Poe's offer of a guest room, so it's just Ben and I who head back. I'm half asleep when Ben reaches over and takes my hand.

"Thanks for the best Thanksgiving I've had… probably ever," he says quietly while he navigates along the highway.

"Thank you for being a part of it. Here's to many, many more," I reply while squeezing his hand tight.

"To many more," he agrees.

Ben lifts my hand to his lips and places a gentle kiss on the back of my hand as we drive back to his place, happy and content, before climbing into bed and snuggling with Milly until we all fall asleep.

It's a perfect end to a perfect holiday. So, you can imagine how I feel when four days later it all comes crashing down around me.

Black Friday is as predictably shitty as I expect it will be, but at least I managed to get the mid shift, instead of my normal morning open and the next few days pass in a predictable blur of grumpy customers and coffee.

A few days later, things are just starting to get back to normal. Hux and Phasma come into the shop and no Ben. Hux is as fucking smarmy as ever, but it's too busy for me to give much of a fuck and, besides, I'm on customer support, so he can only glare at my back as I rush to help support behind the counter. By the time I get home, I'm pretty wiped.

Rose brought home some leftovers from Poe's and there are still some in the fridge, so I whip up a sandwich before showering. She and Finn are hanging out in the living room and I give them both a hug before settling into my room for the night.

I'm just getting ready to pop into my bed and get some studying done when Ben calls and, at first, I'm excited. I love to hear the sound of his voice while I'm winding down for the day, but as soon as we say hello to each other I know something's wrong.

"Hey, what's going on? You don't sound so good," I ask. I hate not knowing things. The anxiety gets so bad when I have to guess about things, I'd rather just get whatever shitty news is over with so I can react accordingly.

"I don't even know why I called. I don't remember calling," he starts and now I'm incredibly worried.

"Are you okay, Ben? Tell me what's going on."

I can hear him cough a little like he's having a hard time finding the right words. Or maybe he doesn't know what to say, which makes my stomach drop right into my feet.

"Rey… I have some news."

Never, in the history of the English language, has anything good ever followed up the phrase, "I have some news." I sit down on my bed, dig my free hand into the covers, and brace for what comes next.

"I'm being transferred to New York."

"New York," I parrot. The words cycle through my mind but don't manage to make any sense.

 _New York. New York. New York._

"I can't understand it. Snoke assured me when I moved out that Seattle was a permanent position…," he says as if he's trying to make sense of the words he's saying just as much as I am.

"So, you're moving," I interrupt as the gears in my brain finally start to work again.

"I don't know… I just… Rey." The silence stretches between us.

I should have known. Hux was such a smarmy dick, I should have anticipated—should have been able to brace myself for something like this, but it comes out of nowhere and hits me so hard that I feel like I'm floating out of my body.

Eventually, I manage, "Is it permanent?"

"…Yes, at least until the firm is up and running. My contract with Snoke…," Ben trails off.

I get it. I do. I mean, of course, there'd be some sort of a contract or a non-compete kind of agreement. Someone like Snoke? Yeah, of course, he'd make that a thing. Adults have to do adult things, and sometimes that means making deals with the devil in the hopes of making a better life for yourself—one that's free of the past.

"So, it's over between us?" I say. Might as well rip off that Band-Aid.

"What? Jesus. No, Rey. At least, I hope not. I don't want to end this at all."

I take a deep breath as I try to calm myself down. This isn't Ben's fault, well, it's his fault for signing a shitty contract with a shitty boss, but he didn't know that he'd find me here or that we'd fall in love. How could he have known about any of it? Unless…

"Hux did this, didn't he?" I guess.

Ben sighs. "I suspect he was part of the reason why I was sent back to New York the first time, but as far as this transfer goes, it's all Snoke—and the money. The market has shifted and he's convinced that my time would be better spent on the east coast."

I'm not convinced, but I'll let it drop. It's not like it matters anyway. Even if Hux did have something to do with it, it won't change a thing if I get upset at Ben about it.

"When do you leave?"

"A month."

"So little time? What about your stuff? Milly?" I scramble for any reason why he shouldn't leave so soon.

 _What about me? What am I going to do without you here?_

"My assistant, Mitaka, will make the necessary preparations once I'm gone. Milly will stay with him. I'm not sure when I'll have enough time to take care of her and Mitaka offered."

"Oh, so it's all worked out, then?" I sound snippy and I know it, but I hate it. I hate all of it. I hate that he's leaving. I hate that it seems so easy for him. I hate that it's so hard for me. But most of all, I hate how much I've come to need him.

A little voice inside my head taunts, _This is why it's better to be alone. Always alone. At least, that way, you don't get hurt._

"Rey. I'll think of something. This isn't set in stone, as far as I am concerned."

"But, for now, you're choosing Snoke."

"Rey—" he starts, but I cut him off.

"No, I'm sorry. That was unfair. This isn't about me, even if it hurts. Look just… I think I need some time to think about all of this. Can we talk later? I need some time to think."

"Yeah, of course. Whatever you want."

I'm about to hang up because I don't know how much longer I can hold back the tears, but Ben's voice carries through the phone before I can disconnect.

"I love you," he sounds like I feel—broken, hurt, hopeless.

"I love you too, Ben," I manage. I try to stay brave for Ben, but I'm dying on the inside as he disconnects the call. The room feels like it's turning upside down and I have to put my head between my legs to keep from falling off the bed. Ben is being transferred to New York. Permanently.

I've been hungry. Scared. Afraid. Been through so much in my life that I sometimes look back on it and can't believe it was real but this… this hurts so bad I can hardly stand it.

I stumble into the living room and find Finn and Rose gaming, and they immediately know something is up.

"Rey… What happened?" Finn calls while reaching out for me.

I'm sobbing hysterically before I can reach him. It's stupid. I'm being stupid, but I can't stop crying. I think I'm going to make myself sick. Rose's hands trace soothing circles into my back as I fight to breathe.

I've never felt anything like this before. The sheer wrongness of it is overwhelming. We're supposed to be together. We love each other. This isn't how our story ends, right? We can withstand a long-distance relationship, can't we? I'm being irrational and I know it, but I don't think I quite realized how much I'd come to count on Ben being in my life meant to me until I was confronted with the prospect that he might not be for much longer.

I try to talk to Finn and Rose, who manage to get what happened out of me. They don't talk much, just listen to me rant incoherently while offering me junk food.

"And America doesn't even have the right crisp flavors!" I choke out while stuffing salt and pepper crisps into my mouth. I'd fuckin' kill for some chicken roast crisps. Or some Randoms. Or Jelly Tots. Or any fucking thing that could make me feel better right fucking now.

"We can go to that British store in Redmond on the weekend," Rose suggests, and I'm sure she's trying to be helpful because she's one of the best people on the goddamn planet, but all I can think of is that I only get a few weekends more with Ben before he leaves, which starts another round of crying. They look on as I sob, crisps bag in hand, as I absolutely lose my shit.

"Right, okay. No chips then," Finn says while rising up to grab a big, fluffy blanket from the back of the sofa before returning to wrap it tight around my shoulders.

"I'm ordering some _shahi paneer_ pizza, sound good?" he states while giving me a pointed look. He knows it's my favorite. I don't deserve such good friends and I barely keep myself from breaking into another fit of crying because of their kindness.

Rose scoots over and settles beside me, resting her head on my shoulder before dipping her hand under the covers to find mine.

"We'll get through this. You and Ben will get through this. I know it," she assures me. "Remember when Finn left to open the store in Sacramento? I was a mess then too, and you were there for me, just like I'm going to be here for you. And besides," she stalls before lifting her head to give me a pointed look.

"What?" I sniff.

"He's not going to last out there—if he even goes," she declares.

"What makes you think that? They're sending him because they think he'll make the company the most money, or something. I don't know, but it's all about money, apparently."

Rose scrunches her nose a little. "Sure, babe. He says that now and maybe he thinks he owes them. Maybe he thinks he can make this work, but let me tell you something, once you find that special person—that person who means more to you than anyone else—living without them just doesn't seem like an option for very long."

"I hope so? Does that make me selfish? It's not like I want him to fail I just… Rose. After all this time, after all, that's happened in my life, I wanted someone to choose me first."

Rose's hand squeezes mine tight. "Life is complicated and sometimes we don't know all the details, but I think things will work out for you two in the end. Don't forget that we're here for you too—always."

I let my head rest on the top of Rose's as we sit and I'm so grateful for her, and Finn, and all my friends. My found family. I just kind of hoped that Ben would be a part of it too, and now I'm not so sure if we'll be able to weather this. Just when things were starting to get good in my life, just when the pieces all seemed to fit, someone else was able to take it all in hand and crush the beginnings of my dream.

And the more I think of it, the more I shift from sadness to anger and something in my body language must change because Rose nudges my shoulder and asks if I'm doing okay.

"Yeah. Yeah, I think I'm doing okay. For now. I'm just pissed."

"Pissed is good. Pissed is actionable. We can work with that."

"Damn right," I agree.

I'm not going to give up, and neither is Ben. This is shit and it's bloody awful, but we're going to make this work. Because I'm worth it and so is Ben.

We have each other now, and I don't think either of is willing to turn our back on this. Not now, not ever. Maybe I don't have a plan and maybe I'm going to go crawl back into my bed and cry a bit more when I'm out of earshot, but after that, I'm going to figure shit out.

I'm not sure how we're going to make it work, but we will. Bosses, shitty coworkers, and distances notwithstanding, I'm going to fight for Ben Solo and I'm sure that he's going to fight for me too.

* * *

 **Author's Notes:** Don't be too upset with Rey (in case anyone is). She knows she's taking things way too hard, but it's also hard to live through a lot of adversity and then react normally to really shitty news. She'll get there and Ben will help. AND they'll get their super happy ending, right after Hux gets kicked in the nuts :)

Chapter title is taken from the song of the same name by The National. Thanks so much for reading and for all of your lovely comments. This fic isn't super, duper popular (and that's fine LOL), but the comments you all leave make me want to work on it more than anything else I end up writing. Thank you all for being so encouraging, lovely, and for making writing this so worthwhile for me. I appreciate it more than I can say. Any mistakes are my own and my darlings. I love you to the moon and back. Take care! 3

* * *

Tumblr gonna Tumblr, apparently, so I've gotten on the Twitter thing for fandom at pacificwandere1 but I'm also still on Tumblr at **pacificwanderer. Come give me a shout in either place :)**


	9. Million Dollar Man

Just a small warning, Rey finds herself in a defensive situation, but it's not extremely violent or anything like that (she's pretty badass), but in case you have a hard time with creepy guys, I'll mark it with *** and you can pick up again at ***.

* * *

Ben doesn't start to pack, and I try not to take it as a sign that he's decided to stay, against his boss' wishes. I mean, I don't know how he can reasonably get out of going, aside from quitting, which would probably fuck him over too, considering there's a non-compete clause in his contract that would keep Ben from working in his industry.

"And what exactly do you do, again?" I ask over breakfast, probably for the third time because I really can't believe what he's telling me. It's kind of a shit conversation to have over breakfast, but if I'm going to find a solution to this problem, I need to understand what the problem is first.

"A variety of things," Ben answers, more patiently than I would. "Mergers and acquisitions, private banking advice, buy up smaller businesses on behalf of corporations after they've gone bankrupt, secure funding for projects…."

"Sounds kind of heartless."

"Business has a tendency to be that way. At first, I convinced myself that I was doing valuable work. Now, it just feels like I'm profiting off the suffering of others."

"People that lose their businesses?" I ask while slowly swirling a spoon through my coffee. Somehow, staring at the coffee as it spins makes this conversation easier to handle.

"That and the projects Snoke funds are… Well, we're not helping good people, let me put it that way."

"You're not doing anything illegal, are you?" My stomach turns, I don't want to think about it at all, but I have to know what I've gotten myself into here.

"No, nothing like that. Moral dilemmas… I mean, if you have morals, then it would cause a dilemma. Snoke does not, ergo he has no problem with the kind of business he does."

"Sounds… shitty, Ben. I have to say, it sounds really shitty. Why do you do this again?"

Ben sighs. "At first, it was to make a name for myself. Then, it was the money. Now, every day I spend doing this makes me realize my mother was right."

I cock my head at him. He's been talking about his parents more and more, which makes me wonder whether he's having a change of heart where his family is concerned.

 _And if he's able to have a change of heart about them, maybe he'll have a change of heart about this whole move across the country and away from me thing._

Ben gets really quiet and I wonder whether he's going to tell me what his mum said or not, but I don't want him to feel pressured so I offer, "You don't have to say anything, if it's hard to talk about, Ben."

"No… It's just… Lost in thought. My parents aren't always right, but this warning was… disturbingly accurate."

"What did she say?"

"She told me that when you choose to work for the devil, you're going to get burned. Not if, just when. That the last thing she wanted was to see her son become a monster like Snoke."

"Ouch," I mumble. Though I can't really imagine a parent telling me that, I can imagine how must it must hurt to disappoint someone you love and trust.

"I was angry at the time and thought she was just… old and hateful. But she was right. I didn't realize how much her words would stick with me."

"One of those moments that just haunts you?" I ask. Boy, did I have a few of those. The strangest moments always stick in your mind. Words thrown about carelessly that have a lasting impact on the kind of person you become, but also pieces of advice that resonate through time.

"Yeah, I guess so. And well, then you walked into my life…."

"More accurately, you walked into mine," I remind him.

"… And it really made me wonder what kind of life I wanted to have, and who I wanted to share it with."

"I understand that," I offer. "But I also don't want you to miss out on opportunities because of me."

"You're really the only opportunity I'd be afraid of missing out on," he admits. A little rush of happiness flows through me at that, though I'm still a bit anxious about how it will all work out. I mean, aside from quitting, he kind of has to go to New York.

"So, what are we going to do, then?"

Ben shrugs, the thin fabric of his tee rising and falling with the movement. It's distracting, his physicality. I have to admit, I've gotten used to having a broad chest and shoulders to cry on when I need it. I hope I've become the same source of comfort for him.

"I don't know. For now, I can't see a way out of going to New York, not without breaking my contract."

"And what does breaking your contract entail?"

He sighs while running a hand through his dark hair. "Forfeiting my bonus, for a start. And Snoke isn't known for being kind to those who cross him. It could make it impossible for me to find another job in the same sector—after the non-compete is up, anyway."

"It sounds like a nightmare."

Ben gives me a small smile. "It's all worth it to have met you. At least, I think it is."

I raise my eyebrow and give him a look. "Would that you could have met me without being attached to a maniacal boss."

"Hindsight is 20/20."

"And that saying makes you sound like you're a hundred," I tease, before a serious thought flutters into my mind. "And, really, will you even be able to find a place to stay on such short notice? I hear the rental situation in New York is as bad as Seattle."

Ben looks a little sheepish as he admits, "I own a condo in New York."

"Oh," is about all I can manage.

 _Of course, he does. Ben really does live in a different world than I do,_ I think helplessly.

I sigh. "Am I selfish for wanting things to be as inconvenient as possible for you so you can't actually leave?"

Ben shakes his head before spreading his arms wide. I don't need to be asked twice and I'm up and in his lap as fast as can be.

"I'll figure something out. Just give me some time, okay?"

I snuggle in and nod against his chest as his strong, warm arms wrap around my middle and settle near my hip.

"I'm not going to pretend to be happy about it," I grumble.

"I wouldn't expect that and, I hope you know, I'm not happy about this either," he offers as his fingers trace distracting circles against my hip.

"I know. Of course, I know. I just can't help but feel a little hopeless about it."

Ben presses a kiss to my brow before saying, "I'm yours, Rey. Nothing is going to change that, not Snoke, not distance, nothing. I will find a way to make this work."

I nod and hold him tight, even though I want to cry. I believe him, though. I do believe him. It's just hard to face the fact that he'll be leaving soon and there's nothing I can do to stop it, short of winning the lottery.

But he's right, even if my heart and my mind are having a hard time with everything. We will find a way to make it all work, even if I can't see how. I'll just keep on going, one step after another, until there comes a day when nothing and no one is able to keep us apart any longer.

* * *

Time moves more quickly than I'm entirely comfortable with, but I manage to switch some shifts around to accommodate finals and so that I can spend more time with Ben before he leaves for New York, which includes going to his company Christmas party with him. Means I'll be working some terrible hours and not sleeping much, but I'm used to December being a bitch of a month from years of university.

I can't help but worry about what's going to happen next. I already don't want to go to the Christmas party, but the last thing I want is for him to have to go it alone. I'm not looking forward to meeting his boss at all, and the added annoyance of Hux being there is only making me more anxious. I mean, of course, I'm going to go because I want to be there to support Ben, but also, I hate his co-worker. So, dilemma.

And then there's the whole issue of what to wear. Given that I'm known for borrowing half of Rose's wardrobe on any given day, I don't really have anything that will work for formal wear. Grunge? Oh yeah. Just wrap me in flannel and call me Kurt, but for anything cute? Stolen from Rose. Guaranteed.

Fortunately, Rose isn't the only Tico with a brilliant sense of fashion and her sister, Paige, saves the day and lets me borrow one of her dresses. Paige works in real estate, which is a polite way of saying she has more money than God. Okay, so maybe not quite that much, but Paige dresses in couture while Rose and I live in more humble circumstances. Paige has been working hard her entire life. First, while taking care of Rose after her and Rose's parents passed away, and now with her career.

Though we're in different fields, I kind of aspire to be like Paige. She gives my room a look as she settles the armful of dresses on my bed. The room is messy, but my bed is made, so I have that going for me.

"These are probably going into the donation bin pretty soon. I need to make some room in the closet," Paige says before gently digging through the pile. "I think you'll look good in any of these, but I'd pick a color that stands out—like the red one."

I swallow as I give the pile of dresses a once over. They're _way_ fancier than I'm used to wearing and most reveal a lot of skin. Paige is near enough to my size that I should be able to make one of these dresses work, but I don't know if I'll be able to mimic her confidence so I can pull the look off.

"I don't know, Paige…," I start, but she's not having any of it.

"I do know. I might not know these people by anything other than reputation, but dressing to impress is the norm, not an outlier. And I'm not going to let my almost-sib look anything less than perfect for this. Though, in this case, the woman will absolutely make the dress," she assures me with a wink.

Hearing that from someone as stunning as Paige makes me feel better, even though I know it's just for show. Fortunately, knowing what I know of the Tico sisters, their souls are even more beautiful than their looks, which is an impressive feat.

"I don't know what I'd do without you and Rose," I start as tears begin to well in my eyes.

Paige steps close and pulls me in for a tight hug. "You're never going to have to find out, kid. You're ours now and forever, you hear?"

"Thanks, Paige. That means more to me than you could ever know."

"And you mean more to us than you could ever believe. So, don't worry. You're going to kill it at this party and, if anything goes wrong, you know we've got your back—and my lawyer is on speed dial."

I laugh before pulling out of her hug. I definitely won't need a lawyer, even if I do already feel like murdering Hux, but her offer makes me laugh, which I'm sure is what she was going for.

Paige smooths the front of her fitted pantsuit, and the gorgeous dark fabric shimmers in the wake of her touch. Dark hair cut into a fierce looking bob, perfect makeup on her glorious skin, and the most wicked shade of red lipstick I've ever seen, she looks like a star as I look on and marvel in the wake of her awesomeness.

Her stilettos click as she heads towards the hall. "I've got to get back to work, but do consider the red—and if you want a second opinion, know that Rose will definitely have my back for this."

"Of course, she will," I reply. I know Rose and she's going to take one look at the dress and freak out.

Paige pauses before turning back to face me. "Oh, and speaking of my sister, get Rose to help you with your makeup," she suggests with a wink.

"I'll take that as a testament to Rose's skills and not my own ineptitude with makeup," I deadpan.

She laughs. "Whatever you want to call it, just ask her."

"Yes, ma'am," I say with a wave as she disappears from my view. Once she's gone, I do take her suggestion and I manage to wiggle into the red dress that she picked out and, to no one's surprise because she has an amazing eye for fashion, it fits like a glove and makes me look like a vixen—which is to say I'll never be able to pull it off on my own. I'm just about to scrap the whole thing and curl up in my bed and die when Rose pops her head into my room.

"Hey, just got back and—holy shit! Holy actual shit!" she yells and I cringe because now I'm not going to be able to talk my way out of wearing this.

"Yeah, I don't think this one will…," I start, but Rose cuts me off.

"Yeah, you don't think—as in, don't bother thinking about wearing another dress. Paige chose that one, didn't she? God, her eye. Seriously, though. Wear that fucking dress."

"I can't," I say miserably.

"Why the hell not?"

"There's no way I can pull this look off." I gesture helplessly to myself. "This isn't me."

Rose gives me a look. "Is this a comfort issue? Or an 'I don't feel I belong,' issues. I have to know before I proceed."

I sigh. I know she doesn't want to bully me into wearing something that I'm not comfortable with, and I could lie so that she drops it, but I don't want to lie to my best friend about this.

"It's not that it makes me uncomfortable, it's that the whole fuckin' party thing makes me uncomfortable. You can put lipstick on a pig but…."

"Don't you dare finish," Rose cuts me off. "I know it's hard, or I can imagine it is anyway, but I'm not going to let my gorgeous fucking friend talk shit about herself. You hear me, Rey?"

"Yeah," I mumble, thoroughly chastised. She's right. There's no reason to be down on myself. Ben is obviously fine with my looks on a regular day, so I'm sure to impress no matter what, right?

"Okay, so how many hours do you have 'til the party?" Rose asks, hand on her hip as she appraises the situation.

"About four."

"Jesus, Rey. You really are cutting it close!"

"Yeah, yeah. Paige was only free today, otherwise, I would have had to drive all the way out to Duvall to meet her yesterday and grab the clothes and with exams coming up…."

"I got it. We'll make it work. You should probably take the dress off for now. Wouldn't want to drop foundation on that fabric."

"Good idea, but you're going to have to help me shimmy out of this. And, anyway, I have to put on my fancy knickers for this," I say excitedly.

Rose grins. "I love it. Ben isn't going to know what hit him. No way he'll be able to leave his girlfriend all the way in Seattle after tonight."

My breath hitches a little as I answer. "Here's hoping you can work some of that Tico magic."

"Girl, you have your own magic. Now, come on. Let's get you ready for this party."

Several hours, a whole shitton of hairspray, some double-sided sticky tape, and a lot of makeup later, I look nothing like how I normally look, which is to say, I look pretty fandamtastic.

"I mean, I know my bestie is gorgeous, but you really could make quite the living through modeling if you put your heart into it," Rose says while marveling over her handiwork.

"I only look even remotely presentable because of your skills," I assure her.

"Well, I have a great canvas to work with, let's just put it that way. This also reminds me that I need to raid my sister's closet more often because, hot damn, Rey. That dress is amazing!"

It really is and I'm fortunate enough that Paige and I are similar in size because there's no room for error—or anything extra—with this dress. With a halter-style top, the back is open and swoops low while the front is split almost to my navel. A high-slit plays peekaboo with my leg as I walk, and I've had to tape my boobs inside so that they don't accidentally pop out, though I'm packing some tape with me just in case things come loose. I have a little black clutch that will work nicely for my cellphone, tape, and other odds and ends for the evening.

The dress really is the most daring thing I've ever worn, and my nerves must be showing because Rose assures me, "You look gorgeous. Shoulders back, tits up, and remember to smile!"

I take a shaky breath before nodding. "I feel like a great pretender."

"Girl, everyone's pretending. Some are just better at it than others. Now, come on. You know my sister doesn't give false compliments, and neither do I. And, besides," she says before pausing dramatically.

"Besides what?"

"I made you look almost as gorgeous as I do."

I laugh. "I should be so lucky, but thank you for helping me with all of this. I'd be lost without you."

Rose flourishes her hands dramatically before agreeing. "Having seen your normal makeup routine, I definitely agree. But you know I don't work for free."

"Obviously—coffee?"

"A nice, big bag of coffee as payment for this. Christmas blend, please."

I've never been happier to give up my weekly, free pound of coffee for anyone. And, surely, it's a fuckin' steal. I'd have to pay at least fifty dollars at Sephora for a makeover and, considering they don't know me, I'd probably hate the way it all came out. At least this way, Rose knows what I like—which is simple and minimalist, which she's managed to do while still making me look classier than I feel.

My phone buzzes and it's a text from Ben asking if I want him to come up. I quickly text back that he can stay down there and search around for my shoes and some sort of shawl, which Rose immediately balks at.

"You can borrow my jacket. It's black and it'll cover you up for a dramatic, Anastasia-style reveal."

I laugh. "Thanks, Rose. I don't know where I'd be without you."

"Hmmm… Considerably less well-dressed, but otherwise fine," she jokes.

"We both know that's not true. I don't deserve you," I say while holding my arms out for a hug.

She cautiously gives me a hug. "Don't want to mess up the goods," she says before pulling back and pointing to my taped-in boobs. "But we deserve _each other._ Everyone deserves great friends, Rey. And you're here for me just as much as I am for you. So, enough with the sappy shit—get moving and be sure to step on Hux's feet for me, you know, covertly." She winks as I laugh before assuring her I'll do my best.

My stilettos, while not designer, are sharp and would make for a very painful hello.

 _But here's hoping I don't have to deal with Hux at all…_

I'm so glad Ben is driving because I can't imagine having to drive in this dress and these heels. Rose buzzes him the downstairs lobby in as I spray some perfume and walk through the misty cloud before giving myself one last look in the mirror.

 _You can do this!_ I think, trying to pep myself a bit. I throw on Rose's jacket, throw my cell in my clutch before stepping into the hallway, heels clicking as I head for the elevator. Ben's waiting for me right outside of my building's ancient elevator and he looks like a fuckin' model. Navy, single-breasted suit that fits him perfectly and a pop of color with a red tie which, remarkably, matches my dress.

"You look good enough to eat," I say while he bends over to give me a quick kiss.

"You look like an angel."

I give him a wink. "Just wait till you see the dress under my jacket," I assure him. Won't think I'm quite so heavenly then. With my hair styled up in a chignon, there's nothing to distract from the ample exposed skin, which is probably going to blow Ben's mind. At least, I hope so.

"Ready?" Ben says while offering his arm.

"Ready. Let's go fuck this Christmas party up!"

Ben laughs. "Not quite what I was going to say, but yeah, let's go fuck this Christmas party up."

And, with that mood in mind, we step out into the night.

* * *

The Christmas party is at the Rainier Club, which is exclusive and only available for parties if you're a member, so I assume that means Snoke is a member. It's pretty dark outside by the time we get to the event and the chandeliers glitter beautifully as we enter and take it all in. Honestly, it's nice and definitely snobby, but kind of old-money for my tastes. I mean, not that I have much taste, but I'd prefer a more contemporary setting. But I'm here for Ben and the free food which, I've been told, is exceptional.

Ben offers to take my jacket as we wait for the coat check and I turn around and let him slide Rose's jacket from my shoulders. From behind, I make out the faintest hiss as Ben sees the open back of my dress.

 _Just wait 'til he sees the front,_ I think before turning to give him a full-frontal view. Ben's eyes don't seem to know where to look next as they dart over the dress, taking in the deep cut of the bodice and the high slit that reveals my leg.

"Do you like it?" I ask while giving a little twirl.

Ben doesn't answer for a full minute before finally asking, "What did you ask?"

I smile, not so secretly thrilled that he's so taken with my look. "Do you like the dress?"

Ben clutches at my coat tight, fists balling around the fabric as his mouth opens, closes, and then finally, he manages to say, "If I'd know you were wearing that under this, I don't know if we'd have made it to this party."

 _Ding, ding! We have a winner!_ I couldn't be happier with his reaction, even if it does mean that I have to spend the evening near is awful coworkers. Some reactions are worth a little pain.

I lean close as we shuffle through the line to the coat check and murmur, "Just wait until you see what I've got hidden under…."

And I'm just about to tease him a little more when someone shouts Ben's name from across the room.

Ben raises an eyebrow at me before taking a heavy breath while handing over our jackets. Mitaka comes over to meet us and it's actually nice to see his sweet, anxious face. He looks a little more grown up in this setting, not much, but a little bit. And he offers me a smile while Ben and he chat about something New York related.

I look around the room while they talk. It's definitely an older building, something like 100 years old. I absently wonder if it's haunted, but I'm certain the only thing that haunts the halls of this establishment are old business people who can't find their way around.

Eventually, Ben offers me his arm and lets me know that he's expected to go see his boss. My stomach turns as my nerves get the better of me. Ben follows Mitaka into the main ballroom area and my heels click in a way that makes me self-conscious, though I don't think anyone else notices.

Snoke is waiting at the front and receiving guests. He's old. If I had to guess, I'd say in excess of 80, but his pallid skin makes it hard to tell for certain. Strikingly tall, he possesses remarkably beautiful blue eyes in an otherwise bland face, but those eyes are completely devoid of kindness as they fall on Ben and I. He practically sneers as Ben introduces me and thanks him for another successful year at work.

Ben's boss majorly gives me the creeps and I can't believe that Ben has managed to work with him for so long. The guy is practically oozing evil. I half expect him to steeple his fingers like Mr. Burns, it's so over the top. Still, I'm polite because I don't want to make things worse for Ben, but what he says next makes my skin crawl.

"Ah, the coffee shop girl."

He knows of me, probably because of Hux as I can't imagine that Ben has ever spoken to his boss about me and that just makes me all kinds of freaked out.

"It's very lovely to make your acquaintance," I say and I'm proud that my voice sounds stronger than I feel. Ben's hand traces soothing circles low on my back and I remember to breathe as Snoke gives me a snide looking smile.

"I'm sure it is. Well, Benjamin, you've fulfilled your duties for the evening. Why don't you and the girl go have some drinks or food? God knows it's probably better than she's used to."

I'm pretty sure my mouth drops open as Snoke swiftly turns his attention away from us and onto the next waiting staff member. I glance over at Ben and he looks _pissed._ Fists clenched into balls at his side, jaw tight, and I think he's about to give his boss an earful before I tug on his jacket and shake my head. Ben blinks down at me as some of the anger drains from his face and I take his hand in mine and pull him over to the cocktail bar because I think we could both use a drink.

"I should have said something," he says while we cross the dance floor.

"People like that are always looking for a reaction. The best thing you can do is not give it to them. Besides, as much as I want you to stay, I don't want it to be because you get arrested for punching your boss in the stomach."

"I wouldn't have punched him," he starts and I give him a look. "I don't think I would have punched him," Ben finishes.

"I appreciate the sentiment, but you have to realize, I work in retail and I have heard it all. People like that aren't even worth thinking about, let alone getting worked up over. C'mon. I feel like a Tom Collins. Buy me a drink?" I say while giving his hand a squeeze.

"It's an open bar," he replies.

"Even fuckin' better." That's one good thing about this damn event.

After we get our drinks, we take a seat at our assigned table, because apparently, that's a thing for their Christmas party, and sit through some shitty speeches about bullshit that no one really cares about, but everyone claps along to.

I'm bored stiff by the time the first course arrives—yeah, the _first_ course, which is crab bisque which is made from the local Dungeness crab and tastes like heaven. We're then served raw oysters as an appetizer, but I pass mine along to Ben because I can't stand the texture, but he seems to love the slimy little suckers. Next is a delicious winter salad that includes some foraged ingredients. The main plate is a choice between beef tenderloin, salmon, and some sort of chicken dish. I opt for the beef, which is so tender and delicious I almost cry while eating it.

Then dessert. My god. The dessert. Strawberry elderflower tiramisu, which tastes like heaven in a glass, and it's all finished with a sweet dessert wine. I have literally never eaten so well in my entire life, so I guess Snoke is kind of right, even if he is an asshole. Ben's hand is in my lap for pretty much the entire dinner, which I appreciate because I'm still really nervous, even after a few drinks. His touch goes a long way towards helping me remain calm.

Eventually, dinner is over and they do some more toasts before we're left to our own devices. Ben introduces me to some of his colleagues, who are nice enough, but things seem to be getting wild kind of fast. There are already some sloppy drunks, which is interesting because we've only been at the party for about two hours. I guess some people decided to pre-game. Without a dance floor, people seem to be sticking to tables, the bar, and the balcony. Reminds me of a college party, except people are getting drunk off of Macallan instead of Jagerbombs.

I imagine this is the kind of event where people drink, mingle, and pass around business cards, or whatever—talk about how much money they all make and how much money they're going to make next year. It's definitely not my scene. I give Ben a look and he seems to be of the same mind as me because he asks, "Want to get out of here?"

"You've stayed long enough?" I ask. The last thing I want is to get him in trouble.

"Oh, definitely. Things are only going to get more debauched from here."

I roll my eyes. "Sounds like an interesting time. I've gotta hit the 'loo, but I'll meet you at the coat check?"

Ben leans in and presses a kiss to the top of my head. "See you there, Sunshine."

Takes me a minute to find the toilet, but it's pretty nice and has some amenities available for use, so I freshen up my makeup and give myself a smile before tucking my clutch under my arm and heading out. I'm just about to round the corner when a smarmy face attached to a weaselly body.

"Hux," I growl.

"Coffee girl," he drawls, though we both know he knows my name.

Hux is immaculate, of course, but still manages to look like a skeezy asshole, so kudos to him for dedicating his entire life to that aesthetic. Suited up, I imagine he passes for handsome with some people, but for me, he just looks like a dolled-up version of his regular, prickish self.

***I take a step to the side, but he blocks my exit while giving me a smarmy grin. I step again, blocked. I'm getting pissed now and more than a little bit worried.

 _Has he been drinking? This is not great._

I take a breath to calm myself before declaring, "Ben is waiting for me, so get out of my way."

But he only steps closer. His eyes narrow as he invades my space. He knows I'm upset, but I'm not about to cower before this man. I can handle this; I know I can. I have an ace up my sleeve that he obviously doesn't know about and all he needs to do is fuck up once for me to act.

He's close enough that I can feel his breath on my skin as he hovers over me. He's doing it to make me uncomfortable, probably wants to see me flinch, but he can fuck right off if he thinks he's going to scare me.

"Ahh, such spirit. I can see why Solo is so enamored with you. Tragic, how some circumstances work to pull people apart. But just so you know, I'm always here to fill the _gap_ that his absence will leave."

"I beg your pardon?" I stammer. He's taunting me. I know Hux hates me, but he wants to get a rise out of me and he might, just probably not quite the reaction he's expecting.

Hux's hand trails along the exposed skin along my collarbone and just when he's about to tug at the edge of the dress my hand shoots up and grabs his. Too bad Hux doesn't know that I've taken more than a few self-defense classes, so my grip is strong and sure as I quickly and purposefully pull his thumb back at an unnatural angle.

Hux _drops_ to his knees and I don't let up. He thought to catch me all alone and scare me into, what? Submission?

 _Eat a bag of dicks, Hux._

I smile down at him as I say clearly, "If you ever come near me again, and that includes at the coffee shop, I will do this and worse to a more sensitive part of your anatomy. Do you understand?"

Hux's eyes bulge as he looks up at me. His skin is blotchy and flushed, lip caught between his teeth as he seethes from the floor. I press tight against his thumb. Much more and I'm pretty sure it will break, and I'm also pretty sure that I don't give a fuck.

"Well?"

"I will leave you alone!" he says sharply.

"And?"

"I'll… find a new place to get coffee," he gasps.

"And if you ever, ever come near me again, the least of your worries will be a damaged thumb," I hiss before giving one final twist. I release his hand as he drops on the ground in a pathetic heap while I step around him.

By the time I get to Ben, I'm kind of shaking from adrenaline and nerves, so he knows something's off.

"Is everything alright, Rey?" Ben asks as his arm wraps around my waist.

***"Just peachy! Except, Hux kind of came onto me, though I think it was just because he wanted to get a rise out of me, and I kind of sort of maybe broke his thumb. But that seemed to work!" I ramble as Ben stares on, face blank but eyes fiery.

"And where is he now?" he asks calmly, though his gaze is anything but calm. His hand gently traces over my shoulder and then down my arm, as if he's checking for damage. There isn't any. I made sure of it.

"Licking his wounds? I was serious when I said I almost broke his thumb. I wasn't fucking around."

"Excuse me, I think I'll be heading back there to break his fucking face," Ben growls, but I reach out hold tight to his arm.

"Not worth it. I made my point, and he knows where we stand now, which is I will kick the ever living shit out of him if he tries anything like that again."

"You really are a marvel, Rey. Here, I've been looking for an excuse to cause Hux some pain for years, and you walk into my life and get it done for me," he says before pulling me against his big body for a tight hug.

"Should we call the police?" he asks and I shake my head.

"I thought about it, but it'd be my word against his and, well, I did all the damage."

I hate that the rules are different when you have money, but I think I made my point well enough that Hux should leave me alone. Otherwise, I'll be opening a file on him for certain.

"Whatever you think is best, Rey. I support your decision," Ben murmurs while tracing his fingers soothingly along my exposed back.

"It should be him going, instead of you. You know that, right?" I mumble into his chest. We both know Hux had a hand in Ben's transfer and, if tonight was any indication, it was to get back at me somehow. Fuckin' prat.

"I know," he admits.

"Part of me wants to let you go break his face for that. But I'd also not have to watch my boyfriend get arrested when I look so fuckin' fantastic." I let my hands trail up and over Ben's chest, gently digging into the fabric of his shirt as I stare into his eyes. He still looks angry, but not quite like he's about to go do murder. Which is good, New York is one thing, but having a boyfriend who's in prison would be a bit of a challenge.

"You really work with such reprehensible assholes, Ben."

He sighs. "Tell me about it."

I press a gentle kiss into his sternum as the mood shifts, as we both seem to feel better once we're in each other's arms. I love that Ben would fight for me, just like I'd fight for him, but Hux isn't worth our regard when there are so many other ways that we could pass the time.

Ben takes a long moment to look at me—all of me. His pulls back slightly and his gaze trails fire in its wake as he starts from the top of my head and works to the tips of my toes. My body feels like it's tingling by the time he's done. I don't know how he does it, but there's something special about Ben and the way we feel for each other. Something just outside of normal, almost magical.

"Your dress really is stunning," he marvels. "And that you had Hux under your thumb while looking like a goddess… not something he's likely to forget, nor will I."

"The dress isn't mine, but I like where your head's at," I laugh while stepping close again. My hands trail along the lapels of his suit as I lean in, fingertips break against his skin as I assure him, "While the dress is nice, I have a surprise underneath that I think we'll both enjoy."

Ben dips his head as his hands come up to rest low on my back. "Is that right?"

"Mmmhmm," I purr. I'm obviously not wearing a bra, but the knickers and garter are a similar shade of red as the dress and, with sheer tights, they make my legs look like magic.

 _Can't wait to wrap myself around this man,_ I think to myself. I wonder what Ben will make of my topless look. I've never been much of a femme fatale, but with the right dress and the right undergarments, I am quite certain I could take on the world.

 _And after that fight with Hux, I'm ready to fight for Ben… and remind him of what he'll be missing out on when he leaves._

With a smile and a kiss, we leave the party and head back to Ben's to spend the evening together, wrapped up in each other as we both try to keep from remembering that time is short.

* * *

Author's Notes:

SO CLOSE TO THE END NOW. Thank you all for being so lovely and supportive. Your comments give me life and are so appreciated. Hoping to have the end for this up asap. HAVE FUN WITH SWCC TOMORROW! WE GET SOME SORT OF A TRAILER, probably. I hope. Come on, JJ. Deliver. Any mistakes are my own and my darlings and my arms hurt like hell lol. Love you to the moon and back! Thank you for reading!

* * *

Tumblr gonna Tumblr, apparently, so I've gotten on the Twitter thing for fandom pacificwandere1 but I'm also still on Tumblr **pacificwanderer. Come give me a shout in either place :)**


	10. The Feeling of Goodbye

The hours count down and seem to speed up with every passing day. Ben doesn't want to go. I don't want him to go. But short of him quitting his job, which will irrevocably fuck things up for him professionally, there's not much of a solution that will keep him here.

He's not going to sell his place in Seattle, which makes me hopeful he'll be back. His packing is still half done, but apparently Mitaka will send whatever is essential and leave the rest for his inevitable trips back into the city.

"So, you expect to be back in Seattle for work?" I ask through Milly's fluff as she and I sit curled up on Ben's giant couch.

"And to visit you," he assures me.

At the moment, I'm doing okay with it all. I keep reminding myself that it's not forever. I mean, we do love each other, so we'll figure it out. I even throw around the idea of moving to New York after graduation but immediately take it back when I remember how terrible the winters are out there. That's one thing I like about the Pacific Northwest, the weather is predictably dreary and reminds me of England. I can handle the weather here and I don't know if I could do the whole polar vortex thing.

And, besides, Ben doesn't seem to be too keen on moving back there, anyway.

"I was thinking, once everything gets settled, maybe we could make this our home?" Ben says while settling on the couch beside me and Milly. His big body sinks into the couch and shifts the cushions, so I end up half in his lap as Milly squaws and hops down before trotting away with an indignant tail twitch.

"Do you mean here, as in this condo? Or here as in Seattle?" I ask. I've grown to love Ben's place, not that it was hard given that it's got a gorgeous view and, most importantly, _Ben,_ so I'd be thrilled to move in with him—after making sure Rose is okay _._

"Here, Seattle, all of it. Just somewhere together, is what I was thinking."

"Do you have a timeline in mind?"

With my graduation coming up, I'll finally have my degree, which means I'll be able to apply for something other than retail or research assistant positions. The thought of having enough money to get me off of a predominantly ramen-based diet makes me so happy I could cry, which is precisely why I'm not getting my hopes up. Hope for the best, plan for the worst, and all that.

Ben sighs before pulling me fully into his lap. I awkwardly wrap my legs around his back as I sit, facing him. His head presses against mine and we sit like that for a beat as he thinks about whatever he's going to say.

His lips brush against my brow as he answers my question. "Six months to a year; sooner, if I can manage it."

I swallow around the sudden lump in my throat. "That's not so bad," I force myself to say. It sounds half-hearted, even to me.

"It sounds horrible," Ben adds, and I manage to laugh a little.

"Okay, it sounds horrible. But we'll make it work, right?"

"Of course," Ben says as his arms wrap tight around my back.

I'm going to do my best to enjoy the time we have left together, but between his work and mine, and with finals, I know it's going to be tough to see Ben as much as I'd like to. Still, I snuggle in and press my cheek against his chest as we both sit and bask in a quiet shared moment.

For right now, we have everything we need.

* * *

The Christmas season at the coffee shop is basically hell on earth. Everyone's pissed because they have to shop for the holidays, except they can't really afford to shop for the holidays so instead of being filled with Christmas cheer, they're filled with Christmas spite.

At least, it's what I've gathered over the years of working in retail and having to serve the public. You get that one odd person who's genuinely happy about the holidays and their cheer is such a contrast to the stress and frustration of everyone else, that they're almost as annoying as the cynics.

Normally, I'm pretty neutral about the holidays. Money was tight when I was a kid and my foster families didn't have much to spare on a good day, so Christmas was mostly an event that I got to watch other people enjoy. And this year, I'd hoped to spend it with Ben, but he ended up having to book his tickets to New York for Christmas eve, so instead, I'll be driving him to the airport and saying goodbye.

Which is so beyond shitty that, if I stop to think about it too much, I get teared up. So, I dig into my job and steam the fuck out of some milk while I get lost in the tempo of the coffee shop. Things at work have been a bit better since I decided to put Hux in his place, but I see Ben so infrequently at work that I know it's because of Hux—and the general shittiness and work that comes along with transferring across the country.

We're supposed to keep our heads up and smiles on while working so that we can engage with the customers, but I am just not feeling it today. I'm trying, but the most I can muster is a "Happy Holidays," which is mostly met with a smile, and sometimes and insistent, "It's Merry Christmas!" And I just barely keep from reminding them that not everyone celebrates the same holidays, but I keep it in because I'm trying to do this thing where I don't argue with people. I really don't get payed enough for the shit I go through, no retail worker does.

 _Only a little longer. Then you'll have your degree and you can look at getting the fuck out of retail._

Is it sad that this is my dream now, to not work in retail? It's hard work and largely thankless, and the pay is shit—never mind the corporate buy-in that expects you to treat the job as if it's some sort of magical fuckin' unicorn. For minimum fuckin' wage. I'm halfway into a trance when a familiar voice wakes me from my work-sleep.

"I'll need that Americano extra American today."

I look up and smile. Ben is standing on the other side of the espresso machine, as handsome and wonderful as ever, and it makes me so happy to see him that I almost burn myself with the steaming pitcher which is a _feat._

"So, you'll want it watered down until it's unpalatable?" I joke.

"Pretty close. Don't skimp on the sugar-free vanilla, either."

I roll my eyes as I slowly pump the syrup into his grande cup. He's in the splash zone, so if I pumped too quickly, he'd definitely get sprayed with syrup, but because I'm a nice person, I don't do that.

"We're out of heavy cream, is soy milk okay?" I joke and the disgusted face Ben gives me makes it worth it.

"In what galaxy would soy be an adequate substitution for heavy cream?" he asks as I laugh.

"Yeah, yeah, grumps. I'll make your milk nice and steamy, okay?"

I finish up, lid his Americano and reach over to place his drink on the counter, but before I can get back to my drink queue, Ben reaches out and captures my hand.

"Can I kiss you goodbye?" he asks.

I debate making a joke about it being against company policy, but I resist that urge because Ben wants to kiss me and any day that Ben gives me a kiss is a good day in my books. Besides, it'll be worth the teasing from my coworkers because who in their right mind would say no to a kiss from Ben Solo—in a _suit?_ Not this girl, that's for damn sure.

"I'd love that," I manage before stepping closer and leaning in.

I'm not usually one for big PDA moments, but when Ben leans over the counter and gently pulls me in for a kiss over his steaming Americano, it's about the most romantic thing I've ever experienced. Okay, so in the coffee shop, anyway. Being with Ben has been one great romantic experience after another, so there's a pretty high bar to exceed.

His lips are soft and plush and he tastes faintly of mint as his mouth lingers on mine, as if he'd rather not stop kissing me and, honestly, I'd rather he not stop too, but I do have work to get back to.

"See you later?" he asks, finally pulling back and deftly slipping the cup off of the counter and into his hand.

A few customers are giving him looks that range between curious and outright lustful and I can't help but feel a little smug that he's mine.

"Yeah, I'll drive out after work."

"Okay, see you soon, Sunshine," Ben calls before walking himself and his coffee out the side door of the café. He stops just short of leaving before turning back to give me a final wave, and it makes my heart so full it feels as if it's going to burst.

I do my best to get back into the coffee making routine, but I spy Finn looking over at me with such a smarmy look on his face that I can't let it go.

"What?" I grumble.

"Nothing," he says, smarmy smile still in place. "Just nice to see you happy."

Okay, so that's sweeter than I was expecting, but I should know better, Finn is the best and always has my back.

"Love you. And thank you," I reply over my shoulder before turning back to the espresso machine.

"Back at you, Rey."

The rest of the day is chaotic but good. And I'm reminded that, despite any bad, I still have amazing friends and amazing boyfriend to fall back on. For the first time in my life, I feel like I'm moving forward, instead of floundering and, while I'm not certain about where things will end up with Ben and I living on opposite sides of the country, I'm hopeful that things are finally going to be going my way.

* * *

The month passes in a blur, so it's kind of shocking when Ben's last day in Seattle comes up. We manage to spend the day before Ben's departure together. Though I'd been planning on taking him to the airport, I wasn't certain I'd be able to switch my morning shift so I could spend the day with Ben. Fortunately, Jess is a literal angel and switches with me.

It's a little hard to not notice all the boxes or the general sadness between us as we snuggle up on the couch and watch a movie. Milly's already with Mitaka, and I miss her furry little bum so much, but I don't bring it up because I don't want to upset Ben about it.

Ben orders takeout for lunch—Chinese, it's delicious and exactly what I want to eat right now. With the food containers spread out before us, I slide to the floor and scoot up to Ben's coffee table, sampling from everything as the T.V. drones on.

I'm slurping my way through some chow mein when Ben tells me his plans for New York and what he says surprises me.

"I've decided to reconnect with my mother. When I'm back in the city, I mean."

The shock must show on my face because Ben laughs. I finish chewing and ask, "What made you decide that?"

Ben shrugs. "You, I guess."

"How so?"

"Well, you've kind of helped me realize that some of what she said was right and that it's never too late to take a step in the right direction."

"I guilted you into it, didn't I?"

"No, no. Not at all. I feel like I'm seeing clearly for the first time in a long time, the things and people that I want in my life… well, my priorities have changed and I don't want to miss out on having my mother in my life anymore."

"What about your dad?" I ask.

"One step at a time," Ben replies as one cheek dimples with his crooked smile.

"One step at a time," I agree.

After we finish eating, we kind of just have a cuddle on the couch and enjoy each other's company and before I realize it, it's time for Ben and me to head to the airport. I drive, which is hilarious because my car sucks and his is being shipped in a container to New York.

Watching Ben crumple his huge frame into my tiny Toyota is amazing and, to his immense credit, he acts like he's not completely uncomfortable cramped up in the front passenger seat of my car.

We don't talk much on the way to SeaTac, just the sounds of my profanity at the shitty Seattle drivers on the 5 punctuate the silence. Ben holds my hand the entire way there. Just steady and warm around my own, which I appreciate more than I can say. The airport isn't too busy by the time we arrive, so I manage to park without issue. We grab Ben's baggage out of my tiny trunk and head towards the central terminal for check-in.

Because of security, I'm going to have to stay behind once he's all checked-in and I don't know if that makes things better or worse. I'd love to spend every last second with Ben, but I also don't want to cry my way out of the entire airport, so maybe it's better that I'll have to stay on the outside.

I hang back as Ben checks in at the Delta counter—first class, of course, so he doesn't have to wait in the incredibly long check-in line like everyone else. I mostly hold it together, but when Ben turns back and sees me, his expression is so sad that I can't help tearing up.

"Ohhhh, this fuckin' sucks!" I say with a choked little laugh as the tears start to fall.

"Yeah, it really does."

I know it's not forever. I know that. I keep telling myself that it's only temporary. But I don't know what kind of temporary. I mean, he could go back to New York and meet the woman of his dreams—the real one, the one that's better for him. Who doesn't eat too much pizza, or beer, or who's all put together and ready to pop out some gorgeous children, with insane cheekbones.

Not me. The tears _really_ start to fall as I work myself with imaginary breakups.

To his immense credit, Ben seems to realize that I'm spiralling because he pulls me tight and holds me while I sniffle against his chest. And I almost feel better. He's so solid and warm and the smell of him is so familiar and welcome that I almost forget that he's flying across the country and won't be coming back.

Almost.

I choke back a sob as he gently rubs my back. I'm bleary eyed as I pull back and take a look at his face. He's holding back tears—eyes are red-rimmed, the tip of his nose is pink.

 _Oh. How much worse am I making this for him by being so ridiculous?_

I take a little breath to steady myself and force a smile onto my face. "So, this is goodbye?"

"How about, see you later?" Ben suggests, but his voice is choked.

I mean to say, "I love you," but what comes out is, "Do you have to go?"

"Give me time," he replies. "I will get this sorted and find a way out of this."

"How? Aren't you under contract?"

Ben sighs before threading his hand into my hair. His lips graze the top of my head as he answers, "Yeah. But I'm working on it."

"What do you mean?"

"I have a few meetings set up in New York that might just help me figure things out and help me get out of working for Snoke."

I sigh. "I'm glad, but it's still in New York."

"Still in New York," he parrots. "You can come to visit me."

"Unfortunately, I'm not made of money, Ben."

"I've thought of that, well, not that you're not made of money, but that I might be able to help with the distance—I've got at least a dozen free flights saved up with my credit card points."

I blink at him. "I won't have time 'til the new year and I graduate, but after that, I might be able to get some time to visit."

"So, let's plan for then. This isn't goodbye," he assures me.

"Just 'smell you later'?" I joke and he doesn't get it. I've been watching Simpsons reruns with Finn and the humor is lost on Ben.

"I'm not sure… do I smell?"

I laugh as the joke goes right over his handsome head. "Yes, but like a dream. I have half a mind to buy some of your cologne just so I can spray it on my pillow to make it feel like you're closer."

I meant it as a joke, but now I've just made myself sad. Shit. How can I go from happy one second to unbelievably upset the next?

I stare up into his beautiful brown eyes and blink through the tears as he presses a kiss to my forehead, and then my nose, then my lips.

"I'll text you once I'm through security," he says, voice choked as he starts to say his final goodbye.

"I love you."

"I love you too."

He's trying to keep it together, probably for my benefit, but the tears threaten to spill over as he looks at me, and gives me one final, tight hug before heading to the security checkpoint. He goes and I watch as he disappears from sight. He goes and I do nothing. He goes and looks back once as he gives a half-hearted wave before disappearing through security.

I turn around and stumble through the dreary airport and I'm certain I must look crazy because people clear right out of my way as I quickly walk-run through the terminal. I manage to make it back to my car and I settle into the backseat and curl up to wait for Ben's text.

 _Ben: Through security fine. Love you, Sunshine._

 _Me: Love you, Ben._

I'm not going to be able to drive right away because I'm crying too hard, so basically, I lay in the back of my tiny car and have a good sob before I'm able to sufficiently get my shit together. I try to remind myself that it's not forever, but at the moment, it's hard to focus on the positive when my heart feels like it's breaking.

Eventually, I manage to calm myself down and make it to the front seat. I buckle in and get out of SeaTac and onto the highway. It's late by the time I leave the airport which is better for me because it's outside of rush hour, which would make things so much worse. And I make it almost all the way back to the U District before I have to pull over at a gas station and have another good cry.

I'm going to be okay. I know I'm going to be okay. I don't have any other options other than to be okay. But fuck, do I hate this. There's this feeling that comes along with meeting someone special, someone that gets you like no one else in the world, and it's so intoxicating that even the thought that I won't be able to see Ben as frequently as I'd like is enough to send me spiralling.

It feels like heartbreak. I hate it. I know he'll be back, but I hate I even have to spend a moment away from him. I know that sounds codependent, but I don't mean that I couldn't like function without him if I had to, but I just don't want to. He's important to me. Sharing my life with him is important to me. And I want to get to the end of my days and know that I spent every second I could with Ben Solo.

I want to have so many memories, fill my time up with love and laughter and maybe a little sadness and anger, but mostly good, full memories that wrap around my heart and keep me happy and content until my time comes.

And I hope when it does, I'm beside Ben. And I hope he knows how much I love him, how much I've always loved him, and how much I'll love him from this life and into the next. And so, it's with a face full of tears and a nose full of snot that I manage to get home, park, and into my apartment before the tears come again.

Rose is working, so I head to my room and curl up on my bed, taking a peek at my phone as I lay and try to calm myself down. There's a message from Ben, he must have sent it during his stopover.

 ** _Ben:_** _How you holding up, Sunshine?_

 ** _Me:_** _been better. how you holding up?_

 ** _Ben:_** _Been better. Weather report says it's snowing in New York._

 ** _Me:_** _its raining here. boo for snow. boo for new york being so far._

 ** _Ben:_** _Boo indeed. Boarding starting soon. Will text you when I arrive. Love you, Sunshine._

 ** _Me:_** _love you Ben. to the moon and back_

I toss my phone to the side and snuggle into my pillow and pretend it's Ben's chest. Christmas is going to be a little bleak without Ben here—our first as a couple, and we have to spend it apart. I'm going to take tonight for myself, cry as much as I need to, but tomorrow I'm going to enjoy the family I've found with my friends, I'm going to submit my final paper, and then I'm going to look ahead and hope for a brighter New Year.

* * *

 **Author's Note:** Sorry, my energy levels lately have been non-existent, so I've had to break up my writing a bit because otherwise I'm just not going to be able to get anything done. So, to tie you over, I'll give you a spoiler: Rey's going to NYC after the holidays :D Ever cried yourself sick at an airport? Simultaneously the worst/most embarrassing thing ever. LOL 10/10 do not recommend. Poor Rey and Ben. Thank god for happy endings in stories, otherwise, I don't know where I'd be. Cheers, all! Thanks for reading and for your lovely comments. They all keep me going even when I don't wanna keep going :)


	11. With You

I am fuckin' miserable without Ben, but I'm trying to hold it together, even though the future is uncertain for us. Plenty of people make long-distance relationships work, right? That's what I keep telling myself, anyway. It's what Rose and Finn and Poe keep telling me, too. They've been great through this all and I've been a complete mess as the stress from school and work and Ben all kind of settles on my shoulders at once.

And I get sick, but I don't get paid days off for illness, so I work through it all, sniffling, coughing, and being generally miserable all throughout the rest of the Christmas season and into January. I like to think that I'd not have gotten so sick if Ben were still here, but I know that's probably not the case. But I blame the length of my cold/flu/whatever the fuck it is on his absence because I can.

At any rate, the one good thing that's happened lately is that I managed to get a week and a bit off at the end of January, so I'm flying out to see Ben. I mean, _he's_ flying me out, because I sure don't have the cash and, while I feel a little bad that he's paying for it with his credit card points, he doesn't seem to mind.

I've never been to New York before, so I'm excited to see the city, even if it's been snowing like a motherfucker there lately. Rose is going to let me borrow her winter jacket because mine is laughably threadbare, and I picked up a cute pair of Wellies at the Buffalo Exchange, so my feet should be happy.

As the month starts to wind down, I even manage to find the energy to apply to a few new jobs. Some are completely out of my reach, and others are a little more down to earth, but I'm just excited to be able to hand out my new CV with my updated degree on it. I'm proud of myself, even if degrees are more and more just a hoop that people jump through on their way to bigger and better.

I had to jump through a lot of hoops to get where I am and had to sacrifice a lot to get here, too. So, while it might just be a paper for some, for me it's the proof that I finally did it—finally got my degree.

 _And, hopefully, will be finally getting out of retail,_ I think wistfully while turning the key for my apartment. Rose is at Finn's for the night, so I have the place to myself. Which is great and all, but I actually like having her around, so I'm prepared to be a little lonely when my cell vibrates from my pocket as I enter my room.

I take a peek at who's daring to call me without texting first and I'm immediately relieved and excited to see it's Ben. I shuck off most of my clothes, with the intention of getting into my pajamas at some point, before swiping right on my phone.

I'm half way tucked into my bed as I chide, "Isn't it close to midnight there?"

I know Ben doesn't sleep well, at least, he didn't until I started sleeping over, but without me around, I wonder if his old workaholic/insomniac habits have returned.

"I wanted to hear your voice before I went to sleep," he admits and I can't help the little shiver of pleasure that runs through me at that. I miss his presence so much it hurts to think about, so I try not to, but when he sounds so close over the phone but is really across the country, it's hard to forget how far he really is.

But I love hearing his voice too. If I can't see him next to me, then talking to him is the next best thing—and texting him is the next best thing to that. Ben tells me about his day—busy, full of work and annoying people, and I do the same. It's a little strange to not have any classes to go to anymore, but it has been nice to have the extra time and sleep, even if Ben's not here to share it with.

I'm half way through a yawn when Ben startles me awake with what he says next.

"We need to talk when you get here. I have some news and I'd like to give it to you in person."

Yeah, there's nothing that spikes my anxiety quite like the phrase 'We need to talk,' which is what I immediately tell Ben.

"It's not bad news. I actually hope that you'll think it's good news… but it is something that I want to do in person."

"So, you're not flying me out there to break up with me?"

"No, not even remotely. I can't wait to see you."

"Okay, good. Because I just bought a really great lingerie set, and I was about to be super pissed if I was going to have to hate you for all eternity instead of wearing it for you."

Ben chuckles. "I'm sorry for making you anxious. This just isn't the kind of thing I want to do over the phone…." He trails off.

"Trying to learn from that?" I joke, taking a small dig at him for telling me over the phone that he'd been transferred to New York.

"Yeah, I'm getting better at learning from my mistakes. I'm still sorry about that, by the way," he adds.

I smile into my phone. "Thanks, Ben. And I understand. You were pretty shell shocked, so shit happens. Hoping this news doesn't leave me the same way…." I say, trying to lead him into telling me just what the fuck he's hiding.

"I don't think so. I hope you'll be happy, but we'll have to see."

Apparently, I'm not going to get what I want here, so I decide to change the subject.

"Well then," I drawl. "What are you wearing?" I mean it as a joke, and Ben gives a hearty laugh over the phone which had been my intention, but he surprises me by answering.

"Boxers."

"Nothing else?"

"Why would I be wearing anything else in bed? You know I normally sleep naked."

I _did_ know that. Firsthand experience. And boy, didn't I love to wake up with Ben's big body nestled in close and warm behind me. He's like a god damn space heater, but in the winter, it's really nice to snuggle up to.

And I miss it. Miss him. His heat. His touch. The way he sighs when he snuggles close, that little puff of air that cascades over the back of my neck as he wraps his big arms around me and pulls me tight.

I nibble my lip as I imagine what he must look like. That big body splayed over his bed, the rise and fall of his broad chest as he lays there, the way his boxers stretch over his hips highlighting and covering some of the most delicious parts of him.

Okay, yeah. I miss him. A lot. _All_ of him. But I'm a little shy about the whole seduction over the phone thing and I'm about to play the whole thing off as a joke until he murmurs, "And what are you wearing, Sunshine?"

The way his voice deepens—just slightly—how his speech slows like he's savoring each word as he tempts me into reacting. Well, it's a lot.

I swallow thickly as I tell him, "Not much at all."

Ben laughs a deep rumble that rolls right through me. My body feels hot and cold and shivery, breath caught in my throat as I wait for him to reply.

"And are you alone?"

"Uh huh. It's so cold and lonely without you here, Ben."

"My poor Sunshine. How about I warm you up?"

"How?" I pout.

His lips curl, his eyebrow raises slightly, as he answers, "By telling you about every single thing I'm going to do to you once you get here. Switch to video phone."

I let out a little whine at that. Ben's face pops up on my phone and he gives me a smile which I return. I shift and position the phone so I can stare into his beautiful face as he starts to tell me, in intimate detail, exactly how he's going to show me just how much he's missed me. Later, much later, I fall asleep with a smile on my face, sleepy and sated, thanks to my very creative and sexy long-distance boyfriend.

And if I dream a little about him, reliving those precious, sensual promises in my dreams, can you really blame me? All I know is, I wake up in the morning happier than I've felt in weeks and I have Ben to thank for it.

But I shouldn't be surprised. He's been rocking my world since the first moment he stepped into the coffee shop and I can't wait for him to make good on his promises when I visit him in New York.

* * *

I can't remember the last time I took a vacation, outside of a stat holiday, which doesn't fuckin' count, if you ask me. Between work, school, and life, I just haven't been able to manage taking time off. I'm fortunate that I don't have tuition to pay for anymore, so there's a little extra cash hanging around that I'm not used to having—which means New York souvenirs for all of my friends and myself!

I manage to pick up some extra shifts before I leave too, so I should be pretty good when I get back. At least, I'll be able to afford rent and food, which are nice things to be certain of. Rose helps me pack before I leave and throws in some of her thermal socks to keep my feet warm.

"I don't know how you wear those things. They're so hot!"

Rose gestures toward me with socks in hand. "You'll be thanking me when it's cold as hell and your feet are warm. The cold out there is different, and it seeps into your bones."

"You sound like you're 80," I joke.

"And you sound like you have no idea what a real winter is like. Trust me, we're lucky here. All we get is slush and more rain."

"All hail the Pacific Northwest," I joke.

"All hail the Pacific Northwest," Rose agrees. "Oh, now that I'm thinking about it, are you planning on seeing any Broadway shows?"

I sit on the edge of my bed and watch while Rose fishes through my clothes, apparently surveying the goods to make sure I've packed appropriately.

"I don't know. Ben asked if I wanted to see anything, but I'm pretty much lost unless it's Phantom of the Opera."

Rose crinkles her nose at me and laughs. "Phantom's fun, but you can see that anywhere. See something that has a limited run, or that isn't owned by Disney."

I wave my hand in a noncommittal fashion, fingers wiggling in her general direction. "Honestly, as long as I'm with Ben, I don't care what we get up to."

"Oh, you two are so cute it makes me want to barf. Make sure to at least _try_ to get out of bed. New York is the best, even if you are going during the shittiest time of the year—there! I think I filled in the gaps."

"Thanks, Rose. What would I do without you?"

"Have the coldest feet in New York, probably?"

"Probably," I agree while checking the time. "Flight leaves in 5 hours. Should probably head to the airport soon."

"Probably. You know, I must love you a lot to drive you to the airport this late."

"I do, but I also know that you'll be getting some fun presents for the trouble," I say with a wink while zipping up my luggage.

"Well, assuming you come back, and all," Rose muses.

"You think I'm going to stay in New York?"

"Fifty-fifty odds. Finn, Poe, and I have a bet going. I'm not telling you what I bet, but all I have to say is, don't disappoint me. The last thing I want is for Poe to get all my money—again."

I laugh. "You should know by now that he's the luckiest son of a bitch on the planet. A bet against him and you're practically begging for him to take your money."

"Well, I hope I'm right this time. That's all I'll say," Rose replies cryptically while I shuffle my bags into the hallway and get ready to leave.

It's not long before we're in the car and on the Five, and because there's basically no traffic this time of night, we get there in less than thirty. Rose doesn't bother paying for parking and drops me off curbside.

"Fly safe, have fun, and bring that boy back home," she says while giving me a tight hug.

"I'll do my best. Drive safe and thanks again."

I watch as Rose pops back into her little car and wait until she's completely out of sight before heading inside. Ben got me business class tickets on Delta, which are the nicest tickets I've ever had for a flight before, and it's direct. So, aside from the shitty late departure, I'm pretty stoked about the flight.

Check in goes well and security is pretty dead so, before I know it, I'm seated and waiting to go. It's a really nice seat. My chair converts to an honest to God bed that I can use—and do use!—during the flight. I'm too excited to sleep, so I mostly wiggle around with all my pent up, nervous energy as time flies. Which means I'm appropriately exhausted by the time the flight attendants come around with breakfast.

I almost don't eat because my stomach feels like it's full of worms, but I figure it's better to get something in there, or my metabolism will kick my ass and I'll end up hating myself even more. We land without issue and I'm practically vibrating with excitement as we disembark.

It feels like everyone is moving in slow motion and it takes everything I've got not to elbow people right the fuck out of my way.

 _Don't you know that my super sexy, amazing boyfriend is waiting for me?_ I want to scream.

Unfortunately, nobody gives a shit. So, we queue and funnel off the airplane one by one. Bag and purse in hand, I finally get off of the damn plane, through the access tunnel, and into the airport proper where I book it to the arrivals area.

And I'm thoroughly fuckin' disappointed when I don't see anyone waiting for me. Yeah, okay, so maybe I had it in my mind that Ben would be there, arms open, waiting for me so I could dramatically run into his arms. Or not, whatever. It's fine. Maybe traffic held him up. I kind of end up walking around in circles looking for him in the arrivals area when I finally remember to not be an idiot and check my phone.

I pop the airplane mode off and one message blinks up at me.

 ** _Ben:_** _I see you._

I immediately look in every direction at once, spinning in a way that I'm sure makes me look like a maniac as I try to find him. You'd think I'd be able to find all six foot whatever of him, but either I'm too tired to see him, or he's hiding, or I'm just an airport failure. So, I'm completely caught off guard when I'm in the middle of texting him back that I can't find him and he finds _me._

I don't notice him taking giant strides towards me until he's against me, arms around me, head ducked against my neck like he's trying to pull me into the very quick of him. His smell, his heat, his presence hits me so hard that I start to cry. I can't help it. I think he's crying too. His body trembles against mine as I shift around and hold him.

It's been little over a month, but it felt like much longer. Like I'd been ghosting my way through life a little, or maybe living on pause. Wait for Ben to come back. Pause. Wait for my life to go back to what it was when he was with me. Pause. Needing that strange and overwhelming connection that I only had with him. Pause.

And now, my whole body feels like it's pressing play, like everything is jerking slowly into motion as Ben holds me tight. Holds me like he's never going to let go. I don't want him to. I would stay in this moment forever if I could—pause _this—_ here and now. Forever in his arms. Forever his. Forever mine.

"Hi," he says softly against my skin.

"Hi," I say into his chest.

Eventually, I lean back a little so I can look at his handsome face. There are dark smudges under his eyes, but otherwise he looks brilliant. His hair is a little longer than I'm used to seeing it, but it's styled wonderfully—a big swooping wave to the side, ears just peeking out from behind those dark locks. I want to reach up and touch it and, because I can, I do. Ben presses his head into my hand as I gently card my fingers through his hair, fingers skimming along the edge of his ear.

"Oh, I really missed you," I manage, which earns me a smile.

Ben drops a kiss into my palm as he agrees. "Let's get your luggage and get out of here?"

"That sounds like an amazing idea."

I reluctantly disentangle myself, but Ben reaches out and twines his fingers with mine while we make our way through the airport. Ben looks like a fuckin' prince and I am pretty certain I look like I just took a red-eye from SeaTac to JFK, but he doesn't seem to care. My hair is up in a messy bun, my jacket isn't near warm enough for the weather (Rose's is packed), and I'm wearing yoga pants.

Ben's got on a long, black overcoat with the buttons undone and a gray sweater underneath. Tailored dark pants hug his legs—just a little—and his black loafers click against the floor, a great contrast to my trainers, which are currently squeaking up a storm.

Ben is completely oblivious to the eyes that follow him, or maybe he's just gotten used to it. For my part, I feel like I'm being led around the airport by a celebrity, so I square my shoulders and let my face show exactly how I feel on the inside which is completely fuckin' ecstatic.

It doesn't take us too long to find the baggage claim area for my terminal, even though the airport is huge. Ben seems to know his way around. Ben stands behind me while we wait for my luggage, big arms wrapped around me as he holds me close. Seems like he's just as reluctant to let me go as I am for him to let me go.

Eventually, my bags make it onto the carousel and Ben grabs them for me. The tired hits me pretty hard by the time we make it to his car, and I'm yawning through conversation as he drives us out of the airport and… wherever the fuck we're driving through? Queens? I don't know, but all I do know is that the road has potholes the size of people, so I'm glad to not be driving.

"Do people ever fall into these potholes and die?" I wonder as I hold on to my seat to keep from bouncing around while Ben deftly weaves through the dense traffic.

"Pretty close. Why don't you try to get some rest? We'll be at my place in thirty minutes or so."

"But if I fall asleep, then I can't talk to you," I pout.

Ben reaches over to take my hand. "I'll be here when you wake up."

"Promise?" I say around a yawn.

"Promise."

And, magically, and despite the potholes, I do manage to get some sleep… and come awake while Ben is gently lifting me from his car.

"I could probably walk," I say sleepily while snuggling into his shoulder.

"I'm sure," he replies but doesn't make any move to put me on my feet. Okay, so maybe I'm a little happy with the circumstances. I don't know that I've ever had a boyfriend before that could carry me from their car and up into their place.

And maybe I'm just using the opportunity to grope his muscles, just a little, as they flex under my weight.

"I missed you, Ben," I murmur as he gathers us both into the lift.

"I missed you, Sunshine."

And suddenly, nothing else quite matters. Ben carries me into his apartment and straight to his room—which has blackout curtains and is blissfully dark. After depositing me into his giant bed, pulling off my shoes, and grabbing me some of his clothes, he tells me, "I'm going to grab your bags, but I'll be back in a sec."

"Will you have a nap with me?" It sounds really needy, and I don't even fuckin' care. I don't want to be anywhere but with him and I almost tell him to forget my things because I'd rather just keep him close.

"Of course," he assures me, so I throw my airport clothes off and gratefully slink into Ben's giant shirt and loose boxers before disappearing under his covers.

I mean to wait for him, but as soon as my pillow hits the bed, I pass out. Fortunately, I wake a little as Ben snuggles in behind me while dotting the back of my neck with gentle little kisses.

"Mmmmfff," I say, elegantly.

Ben laughs. "I'm here. How long do you want to sleep for?"

"Couple hours?"

Ben murmurs his agreement into my shoulder and, with his arms around me and his front against my back, I fall into a deep and dreamless sleep.

I wake a few hours later to the smell of food and the rumble of my stomach—Ben must be cooking. I slowly stretch before slinking out of a bed that smells blissfully like his cologne.

Ben's got my bags all arranged and I fish around in my luggage for the socks Rose packed for me. She was right. It's fuckin' freezing and Ben's wood floors are cold! Socks on, I search for a mirror and find shit all, so I smooth my hair as best I can and poke my face to make sure I don't have any drool anywhere before heading out into Ben's home.

It's a nice place. Smaller than his condo in Seattle, but it does seem like it's as modern as his home out west. I like it though. Bright and open and, I'm pretty sure…

 _Yup. You can see Central fuckin' Park from his balcony._

It's a sunny day too, which means it's probably freezing, but I can see the bare trees poking out from the park, and I do hope that we can go for a walk there later. I follow the scent of food into the kitchen and I'm greeted by the sight of a shirtless Ben cooking eggs. He doesn't see me right away, so I just watch. His pajama pants are slung low on his hips and he looks a little thinner than the last time I saw him, which means his muscles are even more pronounced as he moves around.

 _Has he been eating? I know he hasn't been sleeping…_ I wonder if the time apart has been as hard for him as it has been for me. I decide against scaring him because he's cooking, so I make a little cough from the entrance of the kitchen and Ben takes a look back at me while scrambling the eggs.

"Afternoon, Sunshine," he smiles and I'm so immediately and overwhelmingly happy that I can't resist crossing across the expansive kitchen so I can give him a hug from behind.

"Hi, Ben."

He wiggles around a little while finishing up the eggs, and I hold on insistently. Looks like he's finished pancakes, bacon, and was just about done with the eggs.

"I was almost ready to come wake you up," he says before turning off the gas top of his stove.

"Food woke me. Nice place, you've got here."

Ben shrugs and I feel it against my chest—yup, still holding on here.

"It was the first place I lived on my own, but it never really felt like home. Though, it's a little nicer now that you're sharing the space with me. Hungry?"

"Starved," I admit.

Ben reaches around to gently disentangle himself from my arms and lead me toward the kitchen table. "Orange juice? Coffee?"

"Both?"

Ben smiles. "Coming right up."

I know that Ben is pretty much the most perfect person ever, but I'm still tickled pink that he cooks for me—and that he seems to enjoy it. Goes a long way towards making a girl feel special when her partner cooks for her. And, boy, can he cook. The pancakes even have chocolate chips in them, and fresh strawberries and whipped cream on the side! And three different kinds of toast!

"You're spoiling me here."

Ben returns with my coffee, just how I like it, and some juice. "You're my guest, it's the least I can do."

I eat until I can't eat anymore and the pancakes are fuckin' to die for, so I eat way too many. Ben, for his part, knows I love to eat. So, he mostly watches me pack back the food as I enjoy myself. Once we're finished, or rather, I'm finished, we head to the living room and snuggle up together on the couch.

"Anything you want to do today?" Ben asks.

I hum thoughtfully. "No. Be with you?"

He laughs. "That's a given. Want to stay in, then?"

"Yeah… I do. But for now, I was thinking about having a shower…." I say while rising from Ben's lap.

"Oh, sure. Let me show you how it works," Ben starts while leading me to his bedroom en suite. His shower has some sort of digital pad that I just know I'm going to make a mess of and, besides, I didn't mean I wanted to take a shower _alone_.

"How about you just show me—in the shower," I say with a smile as Ben gets my meaning.

"Whatever you want, Sunshine," Ben replies.

I pull at his pajamas while he tugs at the shirt I'm wearing. And soon I'm not thinking of anything much at all—except for how good we make each other feel and how much I truly, deeply love Ben. So, we don't make it to the park, or really out of bed much at all. But it feels necessary, some sort of bone deep affirmation of how we feel for each other. Without words, just bodies combined until the stress of our time apart melts away into nothing.

Just him.

Just me.

And just the beginning of our vacation together.

* * *

 **Author's Notes:** I definitely threw the "truly, deeply" in there as a nod to Anakin from AotC. Thanks so much, as ever, for being such sweethearts and for all the lovely comments, kudos, and just for reading this in general. I know first-person is often a hard sell, so I really appreciate that you've stuck with this 😊

Also, in case you're concerned, Ben's news really is **good news,** but you'll have to wait for the next chapter to see what it's concerning 😉 (sorry).


	12. Closer Still

After we get reacquainted, Ben takes me to some the touristy spots and some of the not. It's all bit of a blur, honestly. The city is overwhelming and the skyscrapers are so tall they almost feel like giants looming over us. New York definitely has a different vibe from Seattle or London, but I like it. And the food, oh my God, there's so much fuckin' food. I don't think I've ever eaten so well in my life.

Specifically, there's this amazing food stand called the Halal Guys, and it's so damn good that I make Ben takes me there multiple times, which isn't much of a feat considering it's within walking distance of his house. We do, eventually, get to go for a walk in Central Park and it's as stupid gorgeous as I always dreamed it would be and I do a pretty good job of pointing out locations from movies and T.V. shows.

"And this is where Chuck and Blair got married!" I exclaim while Ben takes me around Bethesda Terrace and I admire the arches and tiling—it's just as gorgeous in person as on television.

"This is where who got married?" Ben ask like Chuck and Blair from Gossip Girl are people I actually know.

"Oh, a television show. Really soapy. Super fun. Anyway, I've always wanted to come here since seeing it and it's still impressive in real life."

The fountain's turned off and frozen over for the winter, which is only mildly disappointing because it still looks gorgeous frozen.

"Sometimes, things are disappointing when you see them in real life," I explain as Ben takes my hand in his before sticking them both in his pocket. I'm so glad Rose made me take her jacket because it's damn cold. I should have also probably bought some gloves, but at least it gives me an excuse to hold hands with Ben.

"And the park?"

"Exceeds my expectations!" I exclaim because it really does. I'd love to come back when the weather is a little warmer, but with Ben by my side and my hand in his, it's pretty perfect the way it is. We're going to hit up the Met tomorrow and the MoMa. Maybe the Natural History Museum the next day and, after that, we've kind of left the schedule open.

We head for lunch at Tavern on the Green, because of course we do, and the garden seating is closed, but it's still a gorgeous restaurant. I love the plush green bench seating and the wood panelling—it kind of makes me think of Transatlantic accents, I mean, if accents could manifest physically, this is what they'd look like. There's something very classy about the restaurant, but also distinctly American. At any rate, after we're seated, Ben gets an Old Fashioned to drink.

"Because you're old fashioned," I tease, and he agrees.

And I get a Beau Monde Bloody Mary, which is bloody delicious. Ben and I share some roasted figs and I get the roasted lemon chicken under a brick because, with a name like that, how can I resist? It sounds hilarious! I'm only mildly disappointed when it doesn't come paired with an actual brick when it's served to me. Ben opts for the steak frites, and it's all so mouth-wateringly delicious that I'm going to take the memory of this luscious restaurant all the way back to Seattle with me.

After lunch, Ben offers to take me to the Statue of Liberty, but I decline because there's a huge line when we get there and some crazy security to get over to the island, so we opt for the Staten Island ferry instead, which gives us a really nice ride across the harbor with, I think, superior views. Later in the evening, Ben takes me to a warehouse party in Brooklyn. Seems a little more my scene than his, but that's probably what he's thinking too. There's live music, vendors, food trucks—all inside this giant enclosed space.

I definitely get all of my souvenir shopping done here, which is great because I love to support local when I can. Ben graciously carries all my bags as we scoot around the area. I get my fortune told by a palm reader, who assures me that I'll live a long, happy life with lots of romance. I think she might be basing that prediction off of the handsome man who happens to be standing beside me, but I'll give her the benefit of the doubt.

We Uber back to Ben's place and while I'm arranging my haul on his giant dining room table, he casually drops the "we need to talk" bomb on me.

I'm holding onto a pair of cat earrings—for Rose—as my stomach clenches. I'd known this was coming, but I've been trying not to think about it because my anxiety ramps up so high so quickly. I go from, "He said it's nothing bad," to "he's going to leave you and that's that" in about three seconds.

Ben turns my chair and sort of leans over me so I have to look up into his face. He looks happy, so that's good, right? I hold my breath and wait for him to reveal his big secret.

"You look like you just ate a lemon," he jokes.

"Well, I feel like my stomach is twisting itself into knots, so…"

"I think you'll like this news."

"I'll decide for myself once you finally tell me, Ben," I grumble.

He surprises me by getting down and kneeling before me. Ben places his big hands on my knees before his gaze connects with mine. He looks relaxed, sure of himself, which actually does put me at ease.

His lip quirks and his eyebrow rises a little as he reveals his great secret. "I quit."

"You what?"

"I quit my job. And I was hoping that you'd consider moving in with me in Seattle."

I blink down at him as I try to process what he's saying. "You're moving back to Seattle? And you want me to live with you? I just… how did you get out of your contract? Isn't Snoke going to be pissed?"

Ben shrugs. "Probably, but my mother was able to help me with some legal advice. Snoke's contract isn't legally binding out of New York state and it exceeds the scope of his business. As long as I don't leech clients from him, he doesn't have a leg to stand on."

His fingers gently massage into my legs, distracting me as I try to wrap my head around his words. "And you needed to go to New York to figure this out?"

"No, I came here to salvage my relationship with my mother, meet with her lawyers, covertly scale down at work, and put my apartment on the market while I figured out what I wanted to do with the rest of my life."

"Okay, valid," I admit. He did tell me that he was trying to get out of the whole working for Snoke and living across the country thing before he left; I should have had more faith that he'd be able to do it. Well, maybe not that he'd be able to do it, just the time frame. I believe in Ben, but I didn't think he'd be able to manage so quickly.

"So, I guess this is what you meant when you said you were working on it?"

"Exactly."

"And you're coming back to Seattle permanently."

"Permanently," he agrees.

"And you want me to live with you?"

"Permanently," he says, cheeks dimpling as he smiles up at me.

"Okay. I just, okay. That's a lot. And you don't want to live in New York instead of Washington?" I ask.

"I've grown fond of the Pacific Northwest, and someone in particular."

"Is that someone me?"

"Obviously, it's you, Sunshine."

I grin before my smile falters a little. "I need to help Rose find another roommate."

"Of course, I wouldn't want to leave your friend in a lurch. You can move in with me whenever it's convenient for you to do so."

I hold up my palms like I can't quite believe it all before gesturing to the view from his condo. "You can see Central Park from here," I remind him.

Ben curls up from the floor, slowly invading my space as he rests his hands on the arms of my chair while he counters, "What's Central Park with no one to share it with?"

I let my head fall back a little, mesmerized by his proximity and the fullness of his lips. Has he always been this handsome? Yes, he's always been this handsome. Sometimes, it just hits me full in the face. Like, when he's hovering inches from me and I can stare at all the perfect imperfections of his face. I reach out and gently trace my finger from mole to freckle, pausing to touch the small scar on his chin and the one just above his right eyebrow.

I softly scratch my nail over the bridge of his nose before murmuring, "I don't think there's anything in the world that I've wanted more than how much I want to be with you. But what if I can't give you what you need? I'm a little out of my depth there, Mr. Central Park."

Ben leans in and places a gentle kiss to my brow, lips trailing across my skin as he places kisses along the side of my face while assuring me, "You've given me more than any other person I've ever known. You're perfect, just as you are."

He's always made me feel this way, to be honest, and the problems I have are due to my own insecurities, and not because of anything Ben's done.

"That's so… I… just, I mean," I stumble over my words. How can I even find the worlds to tell him how much he means to me? How much I love him? That his love has filled in the cracks of my heart in a way that I'd thought was impossible? He's my everything. My person. Soulmate sounds cheesy, but it's true.

His hand reaches for mine and gives a gentle tug before placing my palm over his heart. "It beats for you."

I take a deep breath and really try to keep myself from bursting into tears. It's a lot. It's a lot—a _lot._

"Will you join me? Come carve out a little piece of paradise together?" he asks.

I can't talk, my throat is choked and if I open up my lips, I just know that my mouth is going to make nothing but indecipherable little noises. So, I nod, reach up and just launch myself at him.

Ben catches me in his arms as if he'd been expecting it, like it's the most natural thing in the world to him. Doesn't even stumble as he gathers me up, my legs wrapped tight around his middle, kissing me senseless as he carries me to his room where we connect, mind body, and soul.

Later, as Ben snores softly beside me, I watch him sleep before snuggling into his big body. His arm finds me and pulls me close; even in sleep, he wants me near. Even in sleep, he's ready to hold me and keep me safe.

And I know, he'll always bet here to hold me—to catch me. No matter what.

* * *

Later in the week, I meet Ben's mom, Leia. Which feels like a fuckin' ambush because here I thought I was coming out just to visit Ben. We hadn't spoken at all about meeting his mother before I got there, and he drops it in my lap one morning over breakfast like it's no big deal when it most certainly is a big deal.

 _Almost as big as moving in with someone?_ My brain prodded. _Okay okay, fair point._

But still, I've never been serious enough about someone where I'd had to meet their parents. What if she hates me? What if I'm not good enough? What if I embarrass him? ' _What what what'_ a thousand ' _whats'_ that might never come to be, but I worry about endlessly. I basically word vomit this all at Ben who blinks through the conversation like he's just grasping at the edges of what I'm saying.

"So, you're worried that my mom will hate you?"

"Obviously!" I cry. "I didn't even have time to mentally prepare for a month for this!"

Ben quirks his head to the side as he considers me. "Well, I can cancel the lunch, if it would make you feel better?"

I look at him like he's mad. "Then she'll think I hate her! No, we have to do this, but I just... Ben, you have to tell me everything. I don't want to fuck this up! You've just started talking to her again."

"Are you asking whether I want my mom to meet the woman I'm in love with? Because the answer is yes." Ben rubs his palm against his cheek before threading his hand back into his shaggy, dark hair.

I think I'm stressing him out. Or he can't quite understand why I'm stressed. Or both. Maybe he's stressed because I'm stressed like some sort of empathy-type situation. Regardless, I'm spiralling, so I'm ever-so-fuckin'-grateful when he skips more words and opens his arms for me.

I sigh as he pulls me into his lap, arms wrapping around me as he holds me tight. We sit for a while, just quiet and still, as I try to calm myself down. I know I'm blowing this out of proportion, but that's just how my brain likes to work.

Eventually, he presses his lips against my shoulder as he assures me, "She'll love you."

"But she's a socialite and I'm no one!"

"Yeah, I'd avoid that word around mom if you don't want an earful. She's the director of a multinational non-profit now and her socialite days are… mostly behind her."

The way he hesitates before 'mostly' makes me wonder just what his mom still gets up to, but I guess I'll find that out soon enough.

"What if I'm not good enough?" I say quietly. It hurts to think about it, honestly. I know Ben loves me, I know that. But there's a whole social world that he's lived in that I'll never be a part of and probably never understand, but I underestimated Ben's ability to make me feel better about everything.

"Despite how it may seem, my mom is a welcoming person. She likes to judge a person by their character and not their bank account."

I snort. "Well, that's good. Because I have barely anything in savings and absolutely no retirement plan, so I'm a poor investment opportunity."

Ben brushes his lips against my shoulder distractingly. "I'd beg to differ, but anyway, Mom won't care where you're from, in fact, she'll probably be ecstatic that you're outside of her social circles.

"Why's that?"

Ben smiles against my skin. "She gets bored with the bullshit and the fakeness. Used to say that she could smell bullshit from a mile away."

"Your mom swears?" I ask.

"Constantly in private company. You two will get along fine, I promise."

"I'm still not sure. It's one thing to meet someone, but it's something else for that someone to be dating your son."

"Maybe, but I think my mom will be more understanding than you realize."

"Why's that?"

Ben pulls his head back to look at me before placing a kiss on the tip of my nose. "My dad was a pilot. Mom met him on a private flight to the Hamptons. Ended up spending the vacation in _his_ house instead of with her friends. Her parents were less than thrilled, but they came around… Eventually."

"Are you saying your dad's a commoner?"

Ben laughs. "I'm not a prince, Rey. He was always rough around the edges, which caused some friction in their marriage, but I'm not anticipating any problems when it comes to my mother's opinion of you."

"Oh yeah, why? What if I use the wrong fork during lunch, Ben? What if I'm eating escargot and one of them goes flying across the room when I can't eat it right!" I ramble and he has no idea what the fuck I'm talking about, or that my cultural point of reference for fish out of water or Cinderella-type situations is a movie about a prostitute and an asshole businessman.

Ben catches my chin in his big hand and tilts my head back so I have to look into his eyes as he speaks to me. "I promise, we're not going to a restaurant where that will be an issue and I don't like escargot?"

I take a deep breath and try my best to calm the fuck down. I know Ben and she knows Ben and we both love Ben, if nothing else, we have that in common. And, apparently, a love of profanity.

"Thanks. Sorry for being such a mess," I mumble.

"You're perfect and I'm sorry for throwing this on you. I thought she'd be out of town, otherwise, I would have mentioned it."

I smile and lean, lips brushing against his as I assure him, "I forgive you… maybe."

"Maybe?"

"Well, like ninety percent forgiven."

"And the other ten percent?"

"Going to have to work for it," I murmur as my hands trail over his broad chest before wrapping around the back of his neck.

"Well, that will be my distinct pleasure," he purrs and, for the meantime, all worries and concerns fly from my mind as Ben kisses me quite senseless and reminds me why I'm one of the luckiest girls in the world.

* * *

We make it to the restaurant in Midtown with minutes to spare. Leia pulls up in a private car as we're getting to the restaurant's entrance and she's about as different from Ben as you can imagine, except also not? It's strange. She steps out of her car and immediately spots Ben—he's hard to miss—and then she sets her sights on me as a grin finds it way onto her face.

"Go inside before anyone spots us," she says, shooing us away before we can talk.

All three of us make our way into the lobby and away from the windows, hiding ourselves in a little alcove as Leia grabs a hug from her son, who towers over her. To be fair, I also tower over Leia, but not quite as comically as Ben. Leia is tiny and yet her presence feels giant. Considering she grew up in very different circumstances than me, I had been steeling myself for the same snobbery that I'd encountered in England between social classes.

But I was wrong about Leia. She greeted me like I was her own daughter with probably one of the best hugs I've ever been given, period. Let alone from someone who's basically a stranger.

"So, this is Rey," she says as she pulls back. At first, I think she's unimpressed, but then she leans in and whispers, "Has he told you about when he was little, how he used to _love_ running around the house naked. Couldn't get him to wear a diaper, let alone clothes!"

"Mom!" Ben stammers, cheeks and ears flushing.

"He definitely has not, Mrs. Organa," I say with a laugh. Poor Ben.

"Call me Leia. I insist," she says before she takes my hand and leads me into the restaurant like she owns the place, and maybe she does. Ben trails behind and I look over my shoulder and watch as he takes a deep breath and shakes his head as a faint smile finds its way onto his face.

 _Okay, so maybe I overreacted a bit when Ben first told me his mom wanted to meet me._ So far, this has been just fine!

"I come here all the time," Leia chatters as we walk, still holding my hand. Which is strangely nice and not as weird as I would have thought. Her hand is solid and warm against my own as she takes me into a private area where we can sit.

"Better to be away from prying eyes. It's not every day that my son makes an appearance in Midtown," Leia says while giving Ben a knowing look. "Ben was something of a hot commodity around here. Well, he was, until he took off to the west coast a few years back. It's a little easier to live under the radar out there. You prepare her in case the photographers are waiting after lunch?"

Ben blanches. "I hadn't thought of it."

Leia rolls her eyes and I try to keep up.

"Are people going to give a shit about me?" I ask.

Leia smiles and taps my hand. "Not so much, but I have a hard time leaving this restaurant quietly. I'll be sure to leave first; I'm sure you two can sneak out the back."

"That's so strange," I marvel.

Leia lifts her chin and purses her lips, making what I'm sure is her customary face for photographs. "Part of the game, but it's not one that Ben was ever interested in playing. His father, either, for that matter—and how _is_ your father, Ben?"

Leia moves through the conversation like a hurricane, jumping from topic to topic until I feel like my head is spinning. But I like it, I like _her._ She's full of a kind of wonderous energy and I don't think I've ever met anyone like her before. She's warm and caring, and yeah, a little crass, but wonderful.

Eventually, Ben has to leave to use the restroom which seems to suit Leia just fine because she leans forward conspiratorially and mock-whispers, "Now we can talk about the good shit."

I laugh. "I thought we were talking about the good shit?"

Leia shakes her head, perfectly coiffed hair barely moving as she winks and assures me, "Oh, there are plenty of conversations that we need to have together when Ben's not around. Next time you visit, we can take a trip to the cottage and I'll show you the family photo books. Ben will love that," she says with a grin.

"Embarrassing photos?" I remembered Ben talking about his mom's love of photography, but he hadn't mentioned any embarrassing photos.

"Too many to count. I was quite a photographer when I was younger. Looking forward to adding some new family photos too," she says pointedly.

I cough, cheeks flushing at her words. "Well, I can't wait to visit again. I wasn't sure that I'd ever get to meet Ben's parents, or that things would get serious enough for that."

Leia smiles and this time it's a little sad. Her eyes look glossy as she continues, "I wasn't sure I'd ever get to see him again, either. That he came here and asked for help… well, I knew someone had to be having had some sort of influence on him."

"Ben's pretty stubborn," I offer.

"He gets it from his _father,_ " she assures me and I can't smother the disbelieving look, so she adds, "Okay, so maybe he comes by it honestly on both sides. But I'm glad. I'm so glad to see that he's changed and that he's happy."

"I'm glad that he's decided to get back on good terms with you. I always wanted…" I stall out and don't continue. It's hard to talk about the past and how I grew up. Makes me sound like a sob story and I don't want people to pity me.

But Leia reaches across the table and squeezes my hand tight, no pity in her eyes, just understanding. "I lost my parents when I was young. Though our circumstances are different, I can sympathize with how hard it must have been to grow up without parents."

"Thank you. I have great friends and Ben," I assure her. "And I'm glad that you've gotten him back in your life now, too."

Leia tilts her head to the side a little and looks at me with a smile, a motion that is so achingly familiar to me now. "I only ever wanted him back, but I knew it had to be on his terms," Leia says, this time getting a little teary, so of course, I start to tear up too.

"He's a great man," I assure her.

"I'm glad to hear that," Leia replies. "Certainly has picked a great girl to bring home."

I'm trying to rein in my emotions and doing such a shit job of it. "Oh, thank you! That's so kind of you to say."

Leia laughs. "Bullshit. I don't say things to be nice. Not now, not ever. I mean it and thank _you._ "

"For what?"

"For showing my son the way back home."

I make, what has to be, the world's most inelegant noise as I fail to keep my emotions in check. Fortunately, Leia is apparently quiet understanding and just opens her arms. I scoot over and give her a tight hug as she pats my back consolingly. I'm still hugging his mom by the time Ben comes back from the restroom and I'm sure my face is red and teary.

"What did I miss?" he asks, looking a little concerned.

Leia reaches her hand out and Ben takes it, his big paw dwarfing his mother's as he sits next to her.

"Not a thing."

"Leia promised to show me embarrassing photos of you the next time I visit," I say while clearing my throat and wiggling back to my seat.

I can just make out the tips of Ben's ears behind his hair and they are _bright_ red.

 _Must be some good photos in the mix,_ I think.

Ben seems halfway between mortified and relieved? Had he been worried that I wouldn't like to come back and visit?

"I'll have to head out first and destroy the worst ones," he jokes and I stick my tongue out at him.

"No damn way," Leia assures me. "I'll hide them somewhere good. Got to keep you humble, Ben."

Though his cheeks are pink and he looks more than a little exasperated, I can tell that he's happy. His hand finds mind under the table and it's warm and strong around my own. I squeeze back and settle into a story that Leia is determined to tell about Ben as a child, when he was convinced that he had magic powers and could move things with his mind. I lean into Ben and listen to Leia's tale. She's a great storyteller and I will look forward to the next time I get to see her.

Family is complicated, I know that. I've had to make my own family over the years, but I've seen enough from my friends to know that, even when people have the best of intentions, it's really easy for things to get all fucked up. I know Leia loves Ben and I know he loves her, but sometimes people have to go off on their own until they're able to find a path back to where they belong.

I'm just glad that he found me on that path and that now, instead of walking a lonely road all alone, Ben and I get to walk it together.

* * *

Author's Notes: Just in case you're like what the fuck? I thought this was the last chapter and I hate you! The last bit I wrote ended up being over 13k and because I don't hate you (and I don't hate myself), I'm breaking it up. I can't sit that long editing and my eyes get tired, but I'll post the next chapters throughout the coming week :) SO YES IT'S DONE, just not with this chapter. Thanks for being so lovely, for all your wonderful comments, for reading, and just for being you! Any mistakes are my owwwwnnnnnnn and keep me humble.


	13. A River Loves a Stone

We laugh our way through the rest of lunch before Leia's cell chimes and she indicates that she has to get going.

"These shits can't do anything on their own," she says while gesturing to her phone.

I don't know who the 'shits' are, but she sounds almost affectionate when she says it, so I think she's mostly joking around. Ben settles the bill before we all shuffle out from behind the table. I hate goodbyes. They're probably my least favorite thing ever, though, hellos are also pretty terrible. If I could just appear and disappear at events or in places, without having to say either hello or goodbye, that would be probably the best thing ever. As it is, Ben's about as awkward as I am when it comes to that sort of thing, which is much appreciated. Leia, on the other hand, doesn't have time to worry about anything and seems to be the kind of person who _announces_ their arrival and departure. I envy her for that.

"Take care of each other," Leia says and I kind of stand to the side and wait for her to say goodbye to Ben, but she surprises me by stepping over and pulling me in for a kiss on the cheek and a hug. After she's done withh me, she does the same to her son, though it's more comical with Ben because he's so tall and she's so short. He basically has to crumple in on himself so that she can reach his cheek.

"Call me soon," she says while giving her son one final hug. "Pleasure to meet you, Rey. Don't be a stranger!"

"Thank you, Leia. For everything," I say and mean it. This could have gone about a million different ways, but Leia's been so warm and welcoming that it's completely put me at ease. I should have listened to Ben when he told me everything would be fine.

Leia gives Ben and I a wink before she heads to the front of the restaurant while promising to distract the photographers. Ben and I watch from inside and she was right, it's just as full of photographers as she said it would be.

"Head for the back?" Ben suggests while pointing to the kitchen.

"Please."

I know it's been a while since Ben's been in town, and I'm not even remotely okay with the idea of showing up in some gossip magazine. And, considering how well-known his mother is, if we walk out after her, we wouldn't be able to hide anything.

"Aren't you worried about being recognized?" I ask as we scoot through the kitchen which is busy and the staff literally could give two shits less about a random couple making their way through their workspace.

 _Must happen often,_ I think. _Leia did say she comes here regularly. She probably prepped the staff… or they just have better things to worry about._

Ben gives my hand a reassuring squeeze before explaining his paparazzi situation. "I did a pretty good job of disappearing the first time around. I think the papers have forgotten mom even has a son, which suits me fine. As long as I don't make a scene, we should be fine. At least until mom and I step out together again."

"Then all hell will break loose," I comment as we duck out the back door and almost run into a server who's on their smoke break. The alley is small and smells pretty terrible, but that's to be expected. We walk through slushy puddles towards the street.

"Probably," Ben agrees. "But you'll be safely in Seattle by then and I… well, I can mostly handle the press."

"Bit of a shitty way to grow up?" I wonder.

Ben shrugs as we step around garbage bags and snow in the alley. I've only seen _three_ giant New York rats and two of them were down on the subway tracks. One was dragging half a sandwich, so I gave that creature a wide berth. This alley has been blessedly free of visible rodents so far.

"Well, it's one way to grow up. Other people have it worse, some have it better. I definitely needed a change after university, though. Gets kind of exhausting to have people speculate about your love life all the time, or harassing you to find out what was going on with your parents—never mind how mom's friends were always trying to set me up with their daughters."

"That sounds more fun," I offer charitably even though I hate the idea of Ben with anyone else. Which is so childish because he's with me now, but what can I say, my heart is a bit jealous when it comes to him.

Ben coughs out a laugh. "I guess it was at first, but when people are only interested in you because of who your mother is or your bank account it's hard to trust anyone."

"So, in walks me, and I have no idea who you are or where you come from—or, rather, in you walk to my work, all tall and suited up and having the audacity to look handsome while ordering coffee."

Ben gives me a look, lips quirking as he admits, "I thought you were so cute I had a hard time talking to you."

"You mean to tell me that, 'Mr. Dated Socialites for Fun,' had a hard time talking to the coffee-covered barista?"

"The coffee-covered barista with a great smile, sexy accent, and amazing ass."

I gasp in mock surprise. "I knew you were too good to be true. Here you've only ever wanted me for my body."

"No, no. Not _only,_ " he assures me while I give him a gentle swat on the arm.

"It's fine. When you used to come in, I'd pray that one of your buttons would give way so that your shirt would pop open and show off your chest. You really should buy some snap-up shirts so I can flick your top open with my fingers," I say, only half joking.

"I'll keep it in mind if you get some snap-up shorts so I can do the same to you."

"Deal," I say before taking a look around as we step onto the sidewalk and out of the alley. "Where are we going?" There are skyscrapers everywhere and, unlike Seattle, some of them are so high that their tops disappear into the clouds. It's midday, so the streets are pretty busy as we purposefully trudge along while weaving through tourists and locals.

Ben gives me a serious look. "That's top secret."

"Ohh, I hate secrets. Why don't you tell me so I can be an appropriate level of excited when we get there?"

He laughs and tugs me closer so he can wrap his arm around my shoulder. "Nah, I think I'll keep this one to myself."

"Says the man who's been full of secrets lately," I accuse as I press close to his side and slip my hand into his jacket pocket. "Is that why your hair is so big?"

"What?" Ben asks, blinking down at me and notat all getting the Mean Girls reference.

"Nothing. I mean, there's this movie where they say this girl has big hair because it's full of secrets…" His eyebrow raises at my bad description. "Look, it's a lot funnier than I'm making it out to be."

As if on cue, Ben reaches up and runs his fingers through his long hair, brushing it back from his handsome face as he tries to digest just what the fuck his girlfriend is talking about.

"I'll take your word for it," he says, but he sounds pretty unconvinced.

"Well, it's one of my favorite movies, so we're adding it to the list."

"What list?"

"The movies we have to watch together list."

"Oh, okay," he says as we round a corner and I'm thoroughly overwhelmed.

The first thing I see is a giant LEGO store off to the side, which is wide and colorful and almost distracts me from the main feature of the area, but then I actually take a look around and realize that we're at Rockefeller Plaza. The tree isn't up anymore from Christmas, which is only slightly disappointing because it's lovely and so full of people.

"Are we going skating?" I ask. Ben shrugs, so I assume that I've guessed right. I'm practically vibrating with curiosity by the time we make our way to the lower level of the plaza and, evidently, I am right because Ben takes me over to the entrance to the skating rink where we rent some skates. After we have our skates, Ben and I head over to a bench and take off our shoes.

Instead of feeling an appropriate amount of excitement, I'm actually a little anxious about doing this. Ben stares over at me while I do a terrible job of lacing my skates. Without a word, he dips to his knees and laces me up tight.

"If they're not tight, you could break an ankle," he tells me before going back to his own skates.

I sigh. "You're going to have to help me with all of this. I've never… er… well, I've never actually been skating before."

"Oh, shit. Never?" Ben asks, disbelieving.

I shake my head. I never had the chance when I was a kid and Seattle isn't exactly known for its snow.

"It's always looked really pretty, but I'm kind of afraid of tripping and slamming my face into the ice."

Ben chuckles as he finishes with his skates. "I'll be your teacher."

"Are you good at skating?"

"Decent," he says as we make our way over to the little rental locker. We stick our shoes inside and lock up before heading to the ice. I hover at the entrance and let a few couples and families file by before I step haltingly onto the ice.

"Oh _shit,_ " I mutter. This is going to be harder than I thought. I'm just about to ask Ben for a hand when my mouth drops open. While I cling to the outside wall, Ben slides on by as if skating is second nature to him.

So, evidently Ben saying he 'decent' at skating was fuckin' understatement because he's actually really goddamn good at it! After skating a few loops nearby, he skates back to me and looks like he's trying his best not to laugh at the way I'm clinging to the outside of the rink.

I fix him with glare. "You're a lot better than just 'decent,' Ben," I grumble as I shuffle along the outside of the rink.

He shrugs. "Mom made me take lessons when I was a kid. It comes back to me if I skate enough."

"So, it's a bit like riding a slippery bike?" I joke and he laughs.

"Something like that, here," he says while holding his hands out to me. "I'll pull you around."

"Oh, God, no. I need to get used to this sliding shit first. Go skate around for a little while. I'll watch while I get a feel for all of this," I say while gesturing wildly, which I immediately regret because, apparently, I need two hands to keep myself from falling right on my ass.

"Just go slow and watch out for the toe pick," he warns as if I haven't already caught it seven times in the ice.

And, oh God, there are so many people and more than a few people who can actually skate really well. I try not to be jealous of their abilities, but it's hard when they look like gods on the ice and I look like a slug who's slinking along around the outside after being doused with salt.

I manage to situate myself so I can stay upright and also watch Ben as he… gracefully dances his way across the ice. And, as ever, I'm not the only one who notices him. Guess it helps that the skates take him to over six and a half feet tall. He's like a graceful giant as he slowly slides and spins. He skates backwards towards me and I appreciate the view of his bum and legs as he makes his way over.

"Okay, show off, time to pull your uncoordinated girlfriend around," I huff, though I'm smiling as I say it because it's not every day that you find out your boyfriend has secret skating powers.

Lucky for me, Ben is a good teacher and patient. At first, he pretty much peels me from the side of the wall and gently pulls me around while I stand, legs stiff and arms outstretched, as I try not to fall on my face.

"This is terrifying," I share as if he couldn't tell from the terrified expression on my face.

"It's not so bad. You just need to relax," Ben says while slowly shuffling backwards as he pulls me along.

"I'm wearing blades on my feet and the ground is made of ice," I remind him,

"And you look like an ice princess," he assures me.

Okay, so that won me over a bit, not going to lie. People are pretty accommodating to us and we mostly manage to skate without pissing anyone off. Eventually, I work up the nerve to start wiggling my own legs and feet. At first, I stick the toe pick and almost face-plant into the ice, but Ben helps stabilize me and I keep myself upright. With a little more practice, I can shuffle my feet without sticking the toe pick into the ice, and finally, I'm able to haltingly move on my own.

I have to admit, it's actually kind of fun, except for when I realize that I don't know how to stop. I panic sets in as I'm about to slam into the sideboards for lack of a better way to stop myself, but Ben comes from behind and wraps his arms around my middle, gently pulling us both to a stop.

"You can use the toe pick to stop, or turn your skates inward or to the side," he instructs.

"Yeah, that's not going to happen without me falling on my fuckin' face," I admit as Ben takes my hand again.

I really, _really,_ like the hand holding part of skating. I feel super fuckin' special that someone as handsome and talented as Ben is my private teacher, especially when other people watch and shoot us envious glares.

 _Yeah, yeah. Look all you want, but he's with me,_ I definitely think, and I'm sure it shows on my face. Is it weird to be proud that he's my boyfriend? To be grateful that I've found someone who is so infinitely precious, and who feels the same about me? Whatever, I'm going to hold these feelings close and keep them forever. Life is full of ups and downs, and right now, I'm about as up as I can be.

"But this is more fun than I thought it would be, especially when you're there to hold my hand," I continue, even though I was scared at the start.

I purr softly as Ben tugs me infront of him and pulls me close before pressing a kiss along the side of my neck before. "I'm glad, Sunshine."

We skate around for a while longer and, by the end, I can sort of stop on my own, though there is a time where I do totally eat shit and land on my hands and knees, but it's not as painful as I was expecting either. And, besides, I can just pout later and have Ben kiss _all_ of my pains away.

 _Again and again and again and again,_ I think, somewhat dreamily.

Ben looks over at my face and must realize where my mind is wandering to, or maybe I'm just looking at him like he's a giant snack, whatever the reason, he leads us off of the ice and we quickly Uber back to his place.

And then he _does_ kiss all my pains away, and then some, and even plenty of places that weren't in pain but very much appreciate the kisses all the same. And then, I show _him_ just how much I appreciate his sweetness too. Afterwards, we lay together and drowse in the afternoon, and I realize that soon enough, this will be my life—being with Ben, that is, probably not so much sleepy sexy times in the afternoon with work getting in the way.

 _But, for now…_ I snuggle in close and let his scent and warmth envelop me as he snores lightly. As much as I love the tourist traps and the traveling, this is the part of being with Ben that I appreciate the most—the simple comfort of being in the arms of the man that I love. Hard to put into words how special this makes me feel, but fortunately, I don't have to. And all I feel as I finally fall asleep is the simple perfection of being loved by a wonderful person.

The days pass more quickly than I'd like them to. We manage to sneak in a stop at the Empire State Building. It's touristy, but I don't care—it's the fuckin' Empire Building! And, though it's cloudy and a litte windy and definitely cold as hell, the view is spectacular. Ben and I snap a few selfies before I decide to get a penny stretched at one of the little machines. I'm planning on keeping it in my wallet for luck and as a souvenir to remember my trip by.

"I'm not entirely certain how this is legal," I say while stuffing the machine with quarters and a penny. I turn the crank and it clicks along while flattening the penny.

"No one cares about pennies anymore?" Ben offers.

"Maybe. Kind of a relic of a bygone era, but I do love how shiny these machines make them."

The penny pops into the collection plate at the bottom of the machine and I pluck it out. I am now a proud owner of my very own Empire State building embossed penny. It's very lovely and, hopefully, lucky.

I'm staring at my penny while Ben checks the time. "Probably should start making our way to my place," he suggests. "Not much time before the show starts."

"Back in the elevator?" I ask. On the way up, the elevation change happened so fast that my ears popped pretty painfully, but I bought some gum to hopefully keep that from happening on the way down.

Ben reaches out and I take his hand as we line up for the elevator down. Not too long before we're packed in like sardines and then back in the lobby. I used to think that I liked Art Nouveau more than Art Deco, but after spending some time in the lobby of the Empire State building, I'm not so sure anymore. It's gorgeous and the sharp angles and metallic décor is working its way into my heart.

We slog through the crowded lobby and out onto the street where Ben hails a taxi to take us back to his place to get ready for our show on Broadway. I talked Ben into seeing Anastasia because I loved the movie as a kid and it's one that I'm familiar with. Besides, I always loved the idea that a girl could find family and love after a lifetime of sadness. He'd suggested something a little less musical and a little more dramatic and I promised him I'd take him to something dramatic in Seattle, or the next time we visited New York, and he was fine with compromising. It doesn't take us long to get back to his place and both of us make quick work of getting ready.

"It's been ages since I've seen a musical," Ben admits while shuffling on his suit jacket.

I give him a look. "How can you grow up here and not _live_ on Broadway?"

Ben shrugs and the movement pulls his suit tight against his chest and shoulders, which is way too distracting. The dark blue suit contrasts nicely with his white shirt and black tie. Paige was nice enough to let me borrow another dress, though this one is a little less dramatic than the dress I wore to the Christmas party. Black, fitted, with a hemline just above the knee, it clings to my ass and highlights my curves nicely. Ben certainly seems to appreciate it because he can't seem to keep his hands off of me, which I don't mind at all.

"I was into theater, but not musical theater so much."

"Well, tonight is my first Broadway musical, so I'm pretty excited." Which is an understatement because I feel like I'm finally living out one of my childhood dreams so, you know, I'm ecstatic.

We head to the lobby to wait. Ben opted to call a cab so we don't have to deal with parking near the theater and it ends up being a good idea because the area is nuts. The taxi drops us off a few blocks away and we walk over. It's a chilly night, so I'm glad I decided to wear Rose's jacket. Fortunately, we don't have to wait long outside and soon we're in the gorgeous, opulent theater.

We settle in and our seats are _really fuckin' amazing._ Like, I don't want to know how much this private box seat cost and will the Phantom be showing up later, pissed, because we've taken his seats, nice.

"Would you like something to drink?" Ben ask as a server pops their head into our box.

I feel like this is a wine kind of event, but I settle on something hard because I just don't feel like forcing my way through a glass of wine tonight.

Ben actually knows more about the musical than he let on and I accuse him of being a closet Don Bluth fan, but he looks so confused that I think that's probably not the case. We're done our drinks by the time the lights dim, and that suits me just fine as I'd rather just get caught up in the performance. My stomach flutters when the curtains rise and reveal the set and I'm certain my smile must spread from ear to ear.

I reach over and take Ben's big hand in mine and hold tight, and soon enough, we're being swept along on the fairy tale story of the Grand Duchess Anastasia and, and it's almost as dreamy and wonderful as the way Ben makes me feel.

I might not be a lost princess, but he sure treats me like royalty. Through the ups and the downs of the story, the tragedy and the triumphs, my heart is broken and filled up so full. It feels like magic, it feels impossible, it feels like moving art, and I'm so grateful for the experience that, by the time the cast makes their final bow, I'm a little teary eyed.

I'm about to dab at my tears before Ben can see, embarrassed to be emotionally compromised by a musical when I look over and see that he's a little teary too. He smiles through the tears at me, and I do the same to him. So, maybe it's more than the musical. Maybe it's this moment, the company, and the sheer feeling that comes along with finding that right person, someone who will stand by your side, no matter what.

I think, Anastasia finds that with Dmitry, and I've found that with Ben. Art reflects life and, right now, the life it's reflecting is so damn great.

* * *

My time in New York feels like a dream, and I hate that it flies by. Sooner than I'd like, Ben's dropping me off at the airport for my flight back to Seattle. I still hate it. I really do. Leaving Ben still feels like shit, even though I know it's not forever the separation still makes my heart hurt.

"I'll be back before you know it," he assures me, though even he sounds as choked up as I feel.

I don't know about anyone else, but watching all six foot something of Ben Solo get all worked up over me is a strange combination of heartbreaking and wonderous. That someone like him would love someone like me… well, I'm still not quite over it all. Of course, it also makes it harder because I hate to see him upset, even more than I hate being upset myself.

"Let's never do this again," I suggest.

"Never do what?"

"Leave each other at an airport. Let's never do this again, if we can manage it."

Ben chuckles softly and presses a kiss to the top of my head. "Agreed."

I know if I want to make it through security on time I have to leave like now, but I really, really don't want to step out of Ben's arms and he doesn't seem to want to let go of me either.

"Shit," Ben exclaims, "I almost forgot. I got you a present."

I pull back slightly and look up at him. "What is it?"

Ben digs around in his pocket before pulling out a little bag. "Just something to remember New York by."

I take the bag, peek inside, and immediately start to laugh. "You shouldn't have." Inside the bag is about the ugliest mini-snow globe that I've ever seen. The Statue of Liberty is trapped inside a hellishly colored landscape covered in snow, so I obviously love it.

"I figured you could keep it on the mantle… when I get back," he starts.

"When we move in together?"

Ben's lip quirks. "Yeah, when we move in together."

I hold the globe against my chest as I look up at Ben, bleary-eyed and definitely being way too emotional.

"Okay, I'm going to go now."

"Okay," he agrees. "Fly safe. And 'don't let your arms get tired.'"

"Nerd, and here I thought you didn't have any pop culture knowledge," I tease.

"Anyone who doesn't like Hook is wrong," he assures me. "Text me when you land, okay?"

I nod before reaching up on my tiptoes and planting kisses on his lips, cheeks, the tip of his nose, the scar on his chin. "Okay, I can do this now," I say out loud, but mostly for myself.

I turn and take a few steps away only to immediately run right back into his arms and tug him down for one final, fervent kiss.

 _God, god, god, I'm going to miss him._

"Love you, Sunshine," he murmurs as he dips his head and plants a final kiss on my brow.

"Love you, so much," I reply before reluctantly, achingly, tearing myself from his arms and taking those final steps away from him.

 _I can do this. I can do this. I can do this._

I make it to the checkpoint and look back. Ben's standing there, watching, and waves. I wave back, take a deep breath, and hand over my passport to security. The knot in my stomach isn't as tight as it was when Ben left Seattle and I'm glad. Though I hate to be separated from him, this time, I know there's a happily ever after coming for us both and the anticipation of a future together helps get me through the flight and the coming days.

* * *

Ben's in New York for another three months before he's back in Seattle. By that time, Finn and Rose are already moving in together, so I'm in the process of moving my stuff over from the U District and into Ben's place. I'm pretty much living at his place fulltime now, which is great because it's closer to the coffee shop—and I have an interview downtown next week for a position at a non-profit that I've had my eye on.

After I'm a little more settled in, Mitaka drops off Milly, who is just as fluffy and darling as I remember. She seems to handle being back at Ben's fine and immediately makes for the living room. Mitaka, for his part seems sad to see her go.

I watch as he fiddles with the hem of his sweater, his slight body curling in on itself a little as he watches her go, as callous and uncaring as cats always seem to be. "I'm going to miss her," he says.

I almost want to give him a hug, but I don't want to freak him out, so instead I offer, "You can come over and visit."

He laughs a little before running a hand through his dark hair. "Yeah, I don't know how well that will go over with Snoke," Mitaka starts and I grimace.

"Right. Okay, well… I'll keep my eyes peeled for a new job for you, and _then_ you can come over and visit!"

"Deal. Here's the food she prefers and I have half a box of litter by the door too. And her bag of toys."

I do feel kind of bad that Mitaka is losing his furry friend, but I'm serious when I say that I'll keep my eyes open for him. A good executive assistant is hard to find and maybe Ben will need one wherever it is he'll end up?

After Mitaka leaves, Milly makes herself at home again and curls up on the couch while I grab a bowl of cereal and eat some very adult, Lucky Charms flavored lunch. Rose and Finn have been helping me bring my stuff over and, as I have the day off, the plan is to get things all set up in Ben's place before he arrives tomorrow.

Most of his furniture stayed out in Seattle, which was convenient considering he didn't spend as much time as he was expecting to in New York. Just his car and some other small things will be shipped back from the east coast. His apartment isn't sold out there yet, but he's had some offers and expects it'll be off the market quick, which I'm sure will help mitigate some stress when he's between jobs.

After eating, I stick my dishes in the dishwasher and head to Ben's— _our—_ bedroom and get unpacking, lost in my own little dream world while I arrange things. I'm hanging up my stuff in the huge, walk-in closet when two giant arms wrap around me from behind, scaring the ever-loving bejesus out of me.

"Mother of fucking God!" I curse wildly while I jump and spin and flail. "Oh, fuck! Ben!"

I'm somewhere between relieved and livid that he's scared me so bad, but I settle on being happy because I hadn't expected him until the morning. "You should have told me you were coming!"

"And ruin the surprise?" he says before pressing a kiss to my forehead.

I wrap myself around him about as tight as I can manage before mumbling, "Well, if you wanted me to have a heart attack, you succeeded. Hi, I am so happy to see you. Never leave me again."

Ben's hands thread into my hair as I try to absorb him into my very being through hugging alone. I missed his warmth, his smell, the way he kind of can't stand still even when we're holding each other. Every one of the million little things that makes Ben _Ben._ I never thought one person could fill up all the little spaces in my heart so fully and it's such a remarkable feeling that I definitely tear up as we stand together in Ben's closet.

"I didn't mean to scare you that badly, Sunshine," Ben starts, probably apologizing because I'm crying, but that's not at all why I'm crying.

I rub my nose into his chest as I assure him, "No, I'm just… happy tears. I'm happy you're here, but it's also kind of overwhelming."

"I can go back?" he offers and I dig my fingers into the back of his shirt in response to that.

"Oh, no. God, no! Don't even joke!"

Ben chuckles softly. "Hugs, then?"

"Hugs, please. _Lots_ of hugs."

And, for a long, quiet moment, we stand there and hold each other. I get used to being in the same proximity as him and Ben indulges my emotional state. It's not even like he was gone that long… I mean, it _felt_ like a long time, but it wasn't so bad. Could always be worse, or whatever. But fuck that also because I missed him and, goddamnit, that's valid! I'm spiralling through the entire range of human emotions when Ben thoroughly distracts me by dipping quickly and lifting me up into his arms.

"Agk!" I squeak as I wrap my arms around his neck.

"C'mon," he says cryptically as I wipe the tears from my eyes.

"Tossing my dramatic ass off of the balcony?" I ask as he carries me through his room, down the stairs—carefully!—and towards the entrance.

"Not quite. There's something I've always imagined doing," he says before setting me down, only to open the front door to our place.

Ben holds his hand out for mine and I slip my fingers through his as he gently tugs me through the door, only to pick me right back up again.

"Are you…?"

"Carrying you over the threshold? Yes," he says. "Are you ready for this? No going back once it's been done."

Ben's pretty serious about this and I realize that, for him, this moment might mean more than just following an old tradition. It _is_ a pretty big step to move in with someone and, thought this sort of threshold thing is usually reserved for newly married people, it feels like a precursor to something else.

I look into his eyes, our gazes locking, as I answer, "Yeah. I'm ready. I've been ready for a long time."

Ben smiles back at me, bright and full and beautiful. He takes a step, and another, and we cross over from one space in time, moving from the past into the future, together.

* * *

Author's Note: Guys. I looked up the etymology for "Gotham" (because I was wondering about Batman and why one of the nicknames for NYC is Gotham) and it literally means "homestead where goats are kept," and that made it about a billion times less cool, but also a billion times more hilarious HAHAHAHAHA. I also looked up the theater where Anastasia played on Broadway and it's the Broadhurst (not that anyone is going to call me out for this lol), but I've fictionalized it a bit because I wanted fancier (and private) box seats and it looks like their box seats are for four and NO I WANT TWO. Also, I haven't seen Anastasia but I want to and boy DO I EVER have a crush on Ramin Karimloo, boy howdy! And that Gleb Vaganov character that they added has me all 👀👀👀. Anyways, I figured Rey's probably a 90s kid and would be drawn to Anastasia, so that was the rationale there lol. DON BLUTH FOR LIFE. Okay, now I want to watch Anastasia the movie. HOW SELF-INDULGENT THIS ALL IS. I have cavities lol. Thanks for reading 3 I love you all!


	14. Something Real

At first, living together is a… well, it's a change for both of us. A good change, but change is change, and it all takes some getting used to, despite the fact that we're both pretty stupidly excited to be living together. Mostly, it's really different going from living with a friend to living with a friend _and_ partner.

Ben is not Rose, and I'd gotten used to Rose's weird, as she'd gotten used to mine, so getting used to Ben's habits was a thing for me. His home is definitely an upgrade from what I'm used to and, at first, I kind of resent its niceness.

Like, how dare it be so nice when I had to scrape by for so long, you know? It's a strange feeling that I can't really describe other than to say it's something that comes with growing up with not having enough, only to finally have enough, and for there to be a kind of resentment that blossoms because of that. How dare life be so good when, for so long, it wasn't!

It's silly. I try to talk to Ben about it and he doesn't really understand, but he listens and holds me as I cry through the change. But as things settle into a new normal, I feel better about it all. Ben is working for a great firm downtown—apparently, his uncle was able to help him out with one of his west coast connections and I'm still waiting on some call backs from interviews.

And, I have to say, after I get used to the change, I really enjoy being able to see Ben every day. I know some people bitch about seeing their significant others so often, but I love it, even when he's driving me crazy because sometimes, he does, and sometimes I drive him crazy, I'm sure. But what I appreciate is how well our crazy fits together and how we're always, always there at the end of the day for each other, no matter what.

Even when he leaves wet towels all over the place.

And even when I leave half-drunk coffee mugs all over the place.

But, all in all, I love living with Ben, even if I do miss Rose. But, if I end up getting the new job, I might actually end up seeing her and my friends more often because I'd have weekends off, and she already does. So, I have my fingers and toes crossed for that one.

I'm feeling strangely adult lately and I have my little coffee shop job to thank for it all. Shitty customers, coffee burns, crying in the back room, and cleaning toilets to get myself through school had all been worth it.

If only I'd known to expect Ben at the end of it all, I might have even enjoyed it. I keep commuting to the coffee shop until I get a call back from one of my job applications—not just a callback, a _second_ _interview!_ Only shitty thing is that it's right in the middle of one of my shifts, but Finn covers it for me because he's the sweetest and because he knows how much I want this job—in my field, huge pay raise, nearby our place.

It's basically the dream job, so I'm understandably anxious as Ben and I practice interview questions while I try not to panic. Eventually, I end up in his lap while he details the many, many horrible job interviews he's been responsible for, which kind of makes me feel better.

"One time, it was a group interview, and one candidate threw up in the middle of his answer. On the lady next to him," he drawls.

My face scrunches with disgust. "Oh, god. That sounds terrible. What did you do?"

"Mitaka got him a towel, and we finished the interview without him in a different boardroom. He never came back or answered any calls. Wasn't a bad candidate, actually."

"Aside from the puke."

"Aside from the puke," Ben agrees, which makes me laugh.

"Okay, so as long as I don't throw up, things will be fine?"

Ben pulls me close, lips pressing gently against the shell of my ear as he murmurs, "You will be fine because you are strong, capable, and wondrous. They would be lucky to have you."

Part of me wants to tell him that he's only saying that because he's sleeping with me, but he's so genuine and sweet that I just sit and revel in his love. I'd always assumed that relationships were something that people tolerated instead of enjoyed. Aside from Finn and Rose, I haven't met many couples that seem to genuinely enjoy being together, so I resigned myself to the fact that I'd probably be disappointed—and I always was, but then I met Ben. And everything changed.

My life's not perfect, but I have to think it's pretty close. Milly hops up on the couch and squeezes between us, evidently tired of being ignored. Ben and I accommodate her as she spreads out on both of us. Ben chuckles and shakes his head at his cat's antics and I dip my head in for a quick kiss.

I have my wonderful friends, and now I have my own little family. Sometimes, I wonder what might have happened had I not had that flat tire. Would Ben and I had ended up together? I like to think so. But I also send up thanks, now and again, to whatever God or entity in the universe was listening when they brought Ben into my life. And, as happy as I am now, I have to think that they're still listening.

One moment, a chance encounter, a shitty situation, and everything can change. And, for me, things changed for the better.

 _So, God, miraculous entity, if you're listening, thank you._

For the first time in my life, I have so much more than I need, and I couldn't be more grateful for it all.

* * *

The interview goes well, but it will be a few weeks before I hear back from them so, in the meantime, I keep myself busy with work and applications and Ben adjusts to his new job. Out of the blue, Ben gets a call while we're sitting and eating dinner—it's his dad, who invites us both out to his place. Judging from Ben's reaction, this is unexpected and, after he hangs up the phone, I make sure he's doing okay.

"I didn't even know he had my phone number," Ben admits.

"Maybe your mom gave it to him?"

Ben shrugs. "Or Uncle Luke. I was going to call him, but I haven't been able to work up the nerve. I didn't end things well… the last time we saw each other."

"Do you want to talk about it?" I ask.

Ben shrugs. "No? Yes? I'm not sure. Dad sided with mom about Snoke, so you can imagine how receptive I was to his advice."

I reach over and give his hand a tight squeeze. "Well, if your mom is anything to go by, he only wants to make amends and have you back in his life. But you don't have to do anything you aren't comfortable with."

Ben takes a deep breath, his broad chest expanding and contracting as he nibbles on his lip. "I think I want to. I mean, I agreed to. Are you free next Saturday night? He wants to meet you too."

"Yeah, I actually have Sunday off too, so I'll be there with you."

"I said some pretty… horrible things," Ben admits. "Some things that I definitely need to apologize for."

"Then do it and move on. People change over time, you've changed. There's no reason to let the past drag you down anymore. As long as you can learn from it, then it served a purpose."

His lips curl into a wry smile. "You're only saying that because you didn't hear what I said to him."

I shrug. "I don't need to. If he's calling, that means he wants you in his life. Things might be a little strained, but if you want to try to make things right, I'm there."

Ben lifts my hand up to his lips and presses a kiss on the back of my hand. "What did I do to deserve you?"

"Fated love. Met in a past life. I'm inevitable, babe."

Ben snorts. "You know, sometimes it does feel inevitable. Us, I mean."

I give him a look like, _Yeah, I know, that's what I just said._

He shakes his head before clarifying, "No, no, I mean it. I think my life was always leading me to you, somehow. I can't imagine things going any other way than how they did. The good and the bad, all of it. It was all leading me to you."

"I feel the same way," I say as I pull his hand close and, this time, I place my own kiss on his.

Sometimes, all you need is the right person in your corner, and you feel like you can take on the entire galaxy. Ben is my person, and I'm his. Can't ask for much more than that.

* * *

We head out to Issaquah and spend time with Ben's dad. His home is not exactly the middle of nowhere, but it's far enough away from the main town that it feels like it. Ben's car bounces on the gravel road as we make our way to Han's somewhat rustic cabin. I can only imagine what it must look like to Leia, whenever she comes here— _if_ she comes here. I'm not sure, so I ask Ben, who shrugs.

"She used to. Not sure if she does anymore…" Ben's voice stalls as we pull up to the house. Han's waiting for us.

 _Well, I see where Ben gets… pretty much everything from._

Han's tall, handsome, with ruddy skin that's a little wrinkled from time and what I expect is a lot of time outdoors. His silver hair is parted to the side in a style that makes him look younger than I suspect he is and he's dressed in jeans and flannel— _lots_ of flannel.

 _If this is what I get to look forward to as Ben gets older, then I'm lucky as hell,_ I think to myself. I'm never, ever going to tell Ben that, but I can't help but think it. I look over at Ben, who looks a little nervous, so I give his hand a squeeze as he parks.

"It's good, he looks happy to see you," I assure him. Ben gives a little nod and gets out without saying anything and Han's pretty much at his door and has his arms around him before Ben can even properly get out of the car.

 _Okay, so I guess he missed him,_ I think. It's sweet to see. I feel a bit bad for being a voyeur, but it also makes me happy that Ben has people like this in his life now. Self-isolating is an easy trap to fall into and often one that's hard to get out of.

One mistake, one shitty situation, and it feels like no one will ever want to be around you again. I'm lucky that I have such great friends to help me out of those spirals, but my heart breaks when I think of how much Ben has had to suffer alone.

 _Not anymore,_ I think with a smile as Han notices me.

"This must be Rey!" he says with a charming smile. "And you survived Leia. That's a good sign!"

 _What a scoundrel,_ I think, but I'm wrapped up in his arms just as quick as Ben was. And just like that, it's easy. Han shows us around his place, which is small and neater than I expected. I hear a dog bark from the back and Han assures me that 'He's huge and friendly,' so I have a fluffy friend to look forward to.

Han gets us a drink and we chat a little while as I get to know him. It's all pretty surface level stuff. Han talks about his days as a pilot—he's retired now—and the size of the trout he pulled out of Pine Lake—gigantic, at least 16 inches. I mention my favorite diner in Issaquah, XXX-Root Beer, and Han talks incessantly about their shakes and promises to take me the next time we visit.

Eventually, Ben and Han head into the kitchen and I leave them alone, choosing instead to play with Han's giant Newfoundland dog, Chewie, who is as drooly as he is adorable.

After their private chat, I tell Ben that his dad's about the most charming man I've ever met, and he rolls his eyes at my admission.

"Don't let dad hear you say that, his ego is big enough," he deadpans.

"How are things between the two of you?" I ask.

"The same and different. Dad doesn't dwell on the past and he seems happy to just have me back in his life. I appreciate it—that he even wants me in his life."

"Well, it's not like you murdered anyone. Lots of kids go through rough patches with their parents, at least, that's what I've gleaned from working at the coffee shop."

"I said some horrible things," Ben goes on.

"And he's forgiven you. End of story."

"Yeah, end of story."

Ben wraps his arms around me and ducks his head into my neck. "Thanks, Sunshine."

"For what?"

"For being you."

"That's a perfectly ridiculous thing to say, Ben," I tease.

"And, yet, it's perfectly true."

A cough from behind distracts us both as Ben pops his head up and I wiggle around.

"If you two kids are finished _canoodling,_ " Han says while a grin works its way onto his handsome face. "Chow's ready."

"Are we eating dog food?" Ben jokes.

"If you're lucky, kid," Han shoots back. Knowing what I know about Leia, the difference between the two of them is vast and, yet, I can see the appeal. Han's handsome, irreverent, and doesn't give a shit what anyone thinks of him, good or otherwise. And I respect that and hope that he and Leia will be able to sort through their differences sooner rather than later.

 _And as for Leia…_ I think as Han can't seem to resist bringing her up.

"Your mother, she's… we talked a little recently but, it didn't end so well," he trails off.

"She's doing great, Dad. Asked if I'd seen you yet, but I hadn't. I'll tell her you say hi. Might be worth it to make a trip out to New York, you know," Ben hints.

Han cocks his head as he considers. "You know, I hate that city."

"Yeah, Dad, I know."

"But your mother…."

"Definitely worth the trip," Ben finishes.

"You're right there, kid. Anyway, we can talk about this all later. It's time to eat!"

And we did. Ate and ate and ate until I was about stuffed and groaning from Han's overstuffed and beaten up, but remarkably comfy, couch. We end up watching Jeopardy on Han's T.V. which is about the most Boomer thing to do that I can imagine. Han is _great_ at Jeopardy, Ben and I, not so much.

Once it's dark, Han suggests making a fire out in his pit, which sounds like a brilliant idea to me. So, we cover up in Han's flannel coats, spray ourselves in DEET, and head out into the clear night. Ben helps Han gather up some logs and twig-like things while I arrange some plastic furniture near the fire pit.

"There are some roasting skewers in the kitchen, and some marshmallows on the counter, can you grab those for me, Rey? Oh, and the fire accelerant," Han adds with a grin.

"Are you going to light your house on fire?" I ask.

"Probably not. Maybe tomorrow. Figure you kids don't want to spend all night watching me muck around with these logs—they're a little damp."

"I'm convinced, Ben?"

Ben shrugs. "This doesn't even rank top ten for scariest shit my dad has gotten into," he says, somewhat cryptically.

"You're going to have to continue that conversation one day," I shoot over my shoulder as I bound back into the house. Everything is exactly where he said, so I don't have any trouble, aside from Chewie getting tangled up in my legs, before I head back outside.

The logs are all arranged by the time I get back and Han has stuffed newspaper in the cracks. I hand the accelerant over and he gives me a nod before directing, "You both should probably stand back for this."

Ben and I take one look at each other before stepping _right_ back, and I'm certainly glad we did. Han squirts some accelerant onto the logs, lights a match, steps back a bit and cautiously tosses the match as he trots away. The fire starts with a great _poof_ and I swear the tips of my hair get singed from the flames.

"Well, that's one way to get it going," I comment.

"That's actually better than I thought it would be," Ben adds. "Once, Dad spent an entire summer without eyebrows because of a campfire."

"I'm sure Leia loved that."

"She was tickled _pink,_ " Han adds with a laugh. "C'mon, Chewie."

Han settles into his chair and Chewie curls up at his feet and soon they're both snoring while Ben and I roast some marshmallows and look at the stars. Han lives far enough out that all I hear are the bugs singing and the crackle of the fire as Ben and I slowly turn our sticks.

Ben's pretty terrible at roasting marshmallows and his keep catching on fire. "I like them crispy," he assures me.

"Burnt, Ben. They're burnt."

"It adds flavor."

"Burnt flavor," I say while squishing my perfectly roasted marshmallow off the end of my stick. I reach over and hold it on the end of my finger for Ben, who slips his mouth over my finger and pulls the marshmallow off, sucking sweetly on the tip of my finger as I try to keep my thoughts PG while Han snores nearby.

"You're a terrible flirt," I accuse.

"That's why you love me," he says with a wink.

I sigh. "Guess you got me there, Ben."

The fire crackles cheerily as I stare on. Ben chats quietly about his childhood. Apparently, his dad has always had this place and used it as a sort of retreat when he and Leia were at odds… as they currently were.

"Did you come out here often?" I ask while sticking another marshmallow on my stick. I 'm going to make myself sick, but I don't care—they're so delicious.

"Not really. Uncle Luke has a place in Oregon, spent more time out there."

"With the chickens?" I ask, remembering how Ben had to collect eggs during the summers at his uncles.

"With the chickens and the pigs and the goats."

"Oh, I love goats. They're so weird and they eat _anything,_ " I prattle while slowly twirling my stick to ensure optimum marshmallow toastiness.

"And everything. I lost a pair of pants to a goat."

"Tragic, but have you considered that maybe it was a sign from the universe?" I tease. "Might be trying to tell you that you should wear your trousers less often, at least when I'm around."

Ben laughs. "Maybe. A prophecy coming to fruition?"

"Hmm, just waiting for me and my flat tire to make our way into your life, eh?"

"Evidently."

I munch on my marshmallow before offering to make one for Ben. He's dreadful at it and keeps dropping them in the fire, or making them into flaming balls of mush.

"Did you like spending your summers out in Oregon?" I wonder.

Ben shrugs. "Yes and no. I felt resentful towards my parents for sending me away, but I look back on the memories fondly now—mostly."

"Except for the trouser eating goat?"

"Except for him."

Some grumbling from Han distracts Ben and I. Chewie gives a disinterested look up at his human before snuggling back down into the ground.

"Welcome back to the land of the living, Dad," Ben jokes while Han yawns.

"Hard to sleep with you kids jabbering," Han says as his lips curl into that same charming smile that often makes its way onto his son's face. Their physical similarities are uncanny, even if their personalities are pretty different.

"Marshmallow?" I ask while offering up a perfectly toasted marshmallow.

"Don't mind if I do. Thank you, Rey," Han says while plucking the gooey mess from the end of my stick. "Perfect."

We chat for a bit more until Han stands and stretches, which is pretty much old man for: "Time to go, kids."

Ben and Han snuff out the fire while I collect the marshmallows, sticks, and accelerant and bring them back to the kitchen. Ben's getting ready to go by the time I get back outside.

"Don't be a stranger, either of you," Han says while giving me a sleepy hug before he and Ben do some sort of awkward hug-handshake thing before settling on a very hearty hug.

"Call mom," Ben suggests. "She misses you."

Han chuckles. "Then my plan is working."

"Yeah, it's working. Whatever you did to drive her nuts has worn off, and she misses you."

Han grumbles a bit more, but I think Ben got through to him.

"Thanks for everything," I say as we make our way to Ben's car.

"Any time. Drive safe, kids," Han says around a yawn. "Hot dogs, next time," he promises me and I'm thrilled he remembers that I really want to go to XXX-Root Beer.

The drive back to Seattle is pretty quick considering there's hardly any traffic. We take the floating bridge to get back into the city which is my favorite thing to do because it's an architectural marvel and I love being able to stare at Lake Washington as we drive across. The stars glitter down on us as Ben zooms across the bridge.

I reach over and take his hand before asking, "How are you feeling?"

"Better than I thought I would."

"I'm glad. You think you'll see your dad more often now?"

"Maybe, probably."

I smile before leaning against the window, watching as houselights glitter from the shore. I'm sure there's still plenty for Ben and his parents to work through but, for the time being, it feels like they're on the path to healing, which makes me pretty damn happy. Everything changes with time and the edges of old wounds smooth out until the hurt isn't so sharp.

I hope things continue to look up for Ben and his family and I know, no matter what, I'll be there to hold his hand through it all, just as he's there for me. As we head into the tunnel at the end of the floating bridge, it almost feels like we're traveling into another world, or embarking on a new adventure together.

Sometimes, the journey can seem scary and the outcome uncertain, but then you break through to the other side and everything seems worth it as the world spreads out before your eyes and everything becomes clear again. Even if it took some time for Ben and me to get on the right path, I know we'll come out on the other side stronger than before—and this time, we'll do it together.

* * *

We wake up late the next day, which is perfect for a lazy Sunday. I still smell faintly of campfire because I'd been too lazy to shower last night and Ben teases me as he leans in for a kiss while we pass each other in the kitchen.

"There are worse things to smell like," I counter.

"And are you planning on cycling through each and every one of those things, starting with campfires?"

"Ha ha, very funny," I deadpan while my stomach rumbles.

"Sounds like someone's hungry," Ben says. His lip quirks as he turns to start making breakfast—pancakes, a Sunday tradition for us now.

"Like you're not starving." I know for a fact he is. Ben is always hungry, except for when he's stressed. Then I have to remind him to eat, but that's happening less and less frequently lately, which makes me so happy.

I cut up the strawberries and use our stand mixer to whip up some cream. Ben sticks the bacon on a baking sheet and then in the stove which is a much better way of cooking it than I used—who knew you didn't have to suffer thorough oil splashes in order to enjoy bacon?

It takes a while for Ben to get the pancakes done, which is just the nature of pancakes, but they're worth the wait, like most good things in life. In the meantime, I boil some water and get some pour-overs ready for coffee.

Pancakes and bacon are done, table's set, I'm just about to take a sip of my coffee when Ben grumbles from across the table, "I don't know how you drink that dark roast, it tastes like mud to me."

"It takes like _dark chocolate,_ but your unrefined coffee palate is only picking up on the roasty notes."

"Roasty notes, are you telling me drinking coffee is like tasting wine?"

"You need a very refined palate to be able to pick up on the nuance in coffee."

"So, the individual dirt flavors? I'm almost out of my favorite coffee, too," he lets me know. I give him a dismissive wave because I'd already noticed. Finn still lets me have his discount, so I'll grab some the next time I stop at the shop.

"I'll get you some if you're good and nice about my coffee."

"Fine, your coffee only _slightly_ tastes like dirt," he assures me, magnanimously.

"Much better," I laugh while rolling my eyes. "Now, quit your grumbling, we're starting to sound like an old married couple. You know I prefer the dark roast, but I love you and you were _almost_ nice, so I'll get you some of that putrid light roasted blend that you seem to adore," I assure him with a wink from across the table.

Ben's face softens and his expression turns thoughtful before he asks, "But why aren't we—an old married couple, I mean?"

"Is that a proposal?" I joke, not at all taking him seriously until he replies.

"Yeah… I guess it is." Realization at what he just said dawns on me as his face runs through the full range of human emotions while I sit and thoughtfully take a sip of my way too hot coffee. My tongue burns as I quietly lose my mind.

It's not like the movies. Ben doesn't take me to the first place we went on a date, or somewhere special, in fact, the whole proposal seems to take him by surprise as much as it does me—and he's the one giving it!

"I'm sorry, can you repeat what you just said?" I manage. I pick up my fork and cut into my pancake like nothing strange just happened. Strawberries and whipped cream ooze off the sides as I press just a little too hard. Maybe I misheard him. I must have misheard him.

Ben blinks as his cheeks flush a little. I cock my head as his words settle in my mind. No, he definitely said we should get married, except I don't know if that was what he'd meant to say when he said it.

I'm about to awkwardly change the subject when he reaches out and repeats, clearly, and with purpose over a plate of pancakes and bacon, "Rey, will you marry me?"

I stare down at my pancake like it's going to give me some sort of answer or ground me at this moment. I mean, it's not like I didn't think that we'd get married one day. Hell, I'd thought that when we first started dating, but now that it's here and I'm experiencing a metric fuckton of emotions.

 _Married. To Ben. Get married to Ben. Husband and wife and cat._

I want to marry Ben, but I didn't expect to be confronted about it so early in the day. My brain just can't seem to keep up as Ben sits there, hand outstretched between us, palm up as he waits. I love that hand. I love the arm it's attached to, and the body that follows after that. I love his face. His nerdy laugh. The quirky shape of his smile. The way he runs his hand through his hair when he gets nervous, or how he chews his lips when he's overwhelmed.

I love that he listens to me and offers insight, but how he sometimes challenges me. I love that he brings home takeout when I've had a long day and neither of us feels like cooking. I love that he's sweet to animals and children and my friends and me.

I love Ben. I love him in so many ways that I can't even put into words. I love him. The answer is yes. I want to marry Ben. Now I just have to tell him without crying. I look up at him, eyes filling with tears as he stares back. He looks a little chagrined and like he's preparing himself for the worst, which is so Ben I could die. This man waited for months to even make half of a move towards dating me, but he's here now, taking a huge step and I'm staring at him like an idiot.

"Yes. I mean, you want to marry me too?" I manage.

Ben chokes out a laugh. "Yeah, Rey. I want to marry you too."

"So, let's get married then."

"Sounds like a great idea, Sunshine," Ben says as a grin works its way onto his face.

I'm _very_ emotional, so I need to blink through the tears as I reach out and take his hand—his fingers curl around mine as I hold tight. For a moment, I feel like I'm outside of time and experiencing flashes of our relationship as they were and will yet be. I don't exactly know what the future holds, that kind of thing is always in motion, but I know that if I have Ben at my side, I'll never have to go it alone again.

And I can't ask for much more than that.

* * *

 **Author's Notes:** AAAAAAAAAAAAAAnd there we go. I made myself cry hahahaha I'm such a fucking sap. Thank you so much for reading this. I know coffee shop AUs are a thing LOL and first person also a thing, but I appreciate it so much that you've spent time with me in this story. I treasure each and every one of your comments and they absolutely fueled my resolve to finish this, even when life got shitty and in the way. Love you all and hope the best for you and yours in the days to come!

Might do some sort of an epilogue, but I have to finish some other work first, so this is complete for now. HOWEVER, if you have any wedding head canons, feel free to share (I'm not the right person for writing baby/pregnancy-Reylos, but feel free to dream away if that's your thing). A wedding would definitely be in the PNW, indoors, because they're not insane and they don't want to get stuck in the rain. But other than that, I've not thought much about it (other than who will walk her down the isle). Maybe a honeymoon somewhere warm, like the Amalfi Coast or something. Mitaka definitely leaves Snoke's and comes to work with Ben while making time to visit Milly on the weekends or whenever Ben and Rey go away on vacation. Milly gets nice and fluffy and is pretty spoiled with too many toys and treats, but she pays in snuggles, so Rey thinks it's totally worth it, but Ben is less convinced (or pretends to be, anyway). Finn and Rose have a HEA and end up settling on the PNW too (Ballard, they love it, even if it's hipster af). Poe's still batcheloring around, but having a good time with it. His pool continues to be "the best" part of summer. XXX Rootbeer is a real place (SHOUT OUT) and their shakes and hotdoogs and burgers and rootbeer are all delicious (huge portions, I have a thing for diners lol).


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